Do i have BPD or anything related?..

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, im new to this forum.

I have been told from a close one that they think im a 'pysco'.
I have always thought there is something different about me, like why are my moods up and down and why do i lash out and get myself into trouble. Day to day i feel like im 'trapped' like im stuck in a slow routine thats leading nowhere. I find myself hurting the ones close to me both mentaly and phisicaly.
I feel anxious, angry (especially when someone pushes my buttons) i shake and i talk to myself, i dont realise when i am doing it until someone says to me they are worried about me by watching my behaviour.

I have been to my doctor and told her how anxious and low i feel, my self esteem is at an alltime low. She gave me citalopram 25mg and trazadone 100mg as i cant relax and sleep on a night. I dont know if the pills are working to there extent.. i feel somewhat happier but most days i feel nothing.. blank.. like im just here for no reason.. I hardly leave the flat im always sat inside, i feel scared of going outside, due to paranoia thinking people are looking at me and judging me. I find this realy hard as when i was younger i was so confident and outgoing.. but now the tables have turned and im not. I relate most of my emotions and thoughts to my past, as i used to take drugs such as anphetamine, extacy, cannabis and abuse alcohol. I still smoke cannabis and it does relax me but i have seen a difference in me.. If i didnt abuse all these drugs when i was younger then where would i be now? I would be successful? would i have a different life? or am i in denial.. do i deny myself to help myself because i am scared of the truth? or is there nothing actualy wrong with me? i feel confused..

helpppp

XXx

Being afraid to go out because of people looking or judging you sounds like Agoraphobia. I went through this for 3 years. For me it was triggered by anxiety and depression which was made worse by using drugs. It sounds like you might be depressed as well. You definitely need to get some help. You're not doomed to be unsuccessful or anything, I was able to change a lot and do very well after getting a lot of help and committing to work on myself. You might have postponed your life a bit by doing drugs, but it isn't too late to figure everything out and get on the right track. It can be very hard work to feel better, sometimes you feel even worse when you try because it seems so hopeless, but if you're willing to put in a lot of effort before seeing the full benefits you can do it.

Thank you..

Im already on medication for my depression, thats what i thought it just was, but by doing the self test and scoring 37.. well thats opened a new door in my eyes. It could either be a path to happiness or a road to ruin.. who knows... How can i carry on treating my illness when there may BPD to treat? Can doctors help really? I am worried they will listen to what i say, tell them how im feeling TRUTHFULLY and they will just send me away on a 'short weekend' in a mental hospital...


As for the agrophobia.. how can that be treated? how did you manage to overcome it? I feel like a prisoner in my own home! due to my own paranoia.. hmmm :/

XXx

Get off that trazadone! It's bad stuff! Lol.

I took it for a bit, and it was like the walls were melting.
It also counteracts birth control/the pill, so if you're female and you're on the pill, I would come off it.

We can't tell you if you have BPD, but I do have it myself and you sound very similar to me.

The only way to see, is to read the DSM. If you tick at least 5 out of 9 boxes, you probably have BPD.

A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. chronic feelings of emptiness

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

As for someone saying that you probably have agoraphobia, you don't. That is due to anxiety, not paranoia. BPD has a lot of paranoia, I'm extremely paranoid. I can't even have a conversation on MSN and someone not talk for a while without thinking they suddenly hate me and want to avoid talking to me because I'm a weirdo.

Doctors cannot diagnose mental illnesses. They are not qualified to. You need to go directly to a psychiatrist yourself, or be referred to one. Doctors can only treat symptoms of depression with some medication, like they did to me for years until I was fed up with it and requested I was seen by someone qualified, where I was then diagnosed with BPD.

If you want some more support where you'll find a lot more people who feel the same as you do, come and join Psych Central. I'm there and it's very helpful. People are pretty friendly there. If you want my username there, feel free to ask.

You can have BPD and Agoraphobia at the same time, one does not exclude the other.

I didn't say that. It isn't likely she has agoraphobia. She has a lot of extreme paranoia that stops her from going out, and this causes the anxiety, not just anxiety alone.

I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone, but this "paranoia", thinking people are watching and judging is commonly associated with Agoraphobia as well. I think an evaluation from a professional is required because I didn't see other paranoid symptoms listed, only anxious ones. I just don't think it's something that should be ruled out, that's all. I agree there are some borderline symptoms as well.
DayleJasmine, I don't know if you checked your inbox but I had sent you a PM about this topic.

Thank you everyone.. yes i scored over 5 on the above.. i havent got an inbox though??>.

When you're on the website look at the top right corner of the page, there is an inbox tab.