I'm told I'm bipolar but....
turbulent_red
Butterfly
Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 9
Location: West Michigan, Grand Haven
I was told I was bipolar... until Panic Attacks became the most common symptom I have. I live in the states, and have crappy insurance, and I can't change a diagnosis I've had since I was 9. I once, and for all want to drive all questions of AS out of my head since it first entered in 2005. I haven't posted here in 2005. I'm going to show the things that line up with that model, and the things that don't and let you guys decide.
Reasons I don't Believe I have Any AS Type Disorder
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After age 21 I found it very easy to date, make friends, love, manage money, live a life etc.
I live life on the edge, thrill seeking activities and such.
I'm a master of linguistics.... slowly but surely.
I talk all day long... total extrovert ENFP.
I smoked pot every day from 2005-2008 (age 18-21)
Reasons I believe I MAY have some mild AS type disorder
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I grew up socially awkward, and defiant.
I had severe sensory issues with any clothing that became wet from rain... I'd take my socks off... it drove me nuts....etc
I had poor creative writing skills.
I didn't know how to talk to women... when they liked me I took advantage of it to humiliate them in academic standing.
Even if a woman liked me... I had no idea what to do.
I never ever talked.
I had organizational issues (block stacking, compulsive organizing in strange mannerisms, inability to have friends).
I take Zoloft & Klonopin they are both not FDA approved for bipolar but its my gold standard.
I have two theories... I am/was a different person, and after cessation of cannabis and enrollment in a university new traits developed.
I had AS behavior that slowly overcame in the years where I left my parents house ie classic story of awkward angry teen becomes amazing lover & great catch.
Anyway I gave you the details... you guys pick this up organize it pull it apart psychoanaylze it repeat, rewash, until desired effects occur.
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I get so high I trip with Jesus
turbulent_red
Butterfly
Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 9
Location: West Michigan, Grand Haven
Like I said I grew up a different person.... then I became this person.....that's where the contradictions may be coming from. I am from the states.... we don't have universal health care here.... my insurance is piss poor... all I have is an MD..... I can't afford to see a therapist.... they run like 120.00 an hour... they don't give diagnosis they use talk therapy here... I don't feel comfortable talking with my MD about this. It was a passing though when I realized my pupils were larger all my life, and I googled that, and it brought up multiple sites claiming evidence for AS. I've also been showered with people who have AS in the community they cling to me... those are people with borderline personality disorder. I only know one bipolar dude, and all we share is our hypersexuality. The only person, who has mentioned it in the last year is a social policy administrator for the schools here.
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I get so high I trip with Jesus
Having panic attacks is not a reason to discount being bipolar. Panic disorder is an extremely common comorbid disorder with bipolar disorder, particularly with bipolar-II. The pupil and acetylcholine system have also been connected with bipolar disorder in some studies. It sometimes is hard to sort out whether a young person is bipolar, has Asperger's, or if they have both. I second that you should talk to your doctor or therapist if you have concerns. However, I think it's more important that you speak with your doctor regarding medications. It is very, very risky for a bipolar (or potentially bipolar) individual to be on an SSRI without a mood stabilizer. SSRIs are notorious for inducing (hypo)mania. My personal opinion? I think bipolar disorder is very likely an accurate diagnosis, regardless of whether or not you also have AS or some other neuropsych disorder. The fact that you felt like a different person after smoking marijuana during ages 18-21 is what sets off red flags for me. That is the peak age for bipolar disorder to appear, and drug use often is one way that prompts the start of a mood disorder.
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Helinger: Now, what do you see, John?
Nash: Recognition...
Helinger: Well, try seeing accomplishment!
Nash: Is there a difference?
Last edited by OddDuckNash99 on 14 Jul 2012, 5:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Bipolar is not always applicable diagnosis. I have seen doctors tossing out "bipolar" whenever they cannot diagnose anything else. Do you fill the criteria of bipolar? Are you severely swinging between two different worlds (depression and mania)?
I don't think this is relevant. Cannabinoids shouldn't "cure" autism that way as you describe. But if they did, then that would be wonderful. Cannabinoids are involved in synaptic plasticity, so it's not completely unlikely, but still not probable.
The problem is that you described having autistic traits long before your drug use/abuse. It's understandable that you suddenly changed when you got clean, but did you experience the autistic traits before your cannabis habit? Cannabinoids are known to induce bipolar behaviour, but it usually requires a vulnerability for that. (Even though I wouldn't really believe those studies. The reality is far more complex and it's easy to blame drugs for everything. Many other things may trigger latent bipolarity.)
But you should keep in mind that autism and bipolar disorder are by no means mutually exclusive. The biochemistry of hypomania may make you believe that you have excellent social skills. I'm not saying that this is the case for you. My point is that these two conditions may overlap.
Have you ever considered borderline personality disorder as an explanation for your behavior?
No, it's pretty much fact that drug use commonly induces mental illness, particularly during late adolescence/early adulthood. Yes, LOTS of factors are responsible for triggering bipolar disorder, but substance abuse and bipolar disorder are very, very intimately linked. Sometimes, the bipolar teen has the bipolar moods first and then seeks out drugs/alcohol to self-medicate for depression or to increase the euphoria of (hypo)mania. Other times, the drug use comes first and the bipolar is triggered by that. Obviously, the genetics need to be there. Many people use illicit drugs and never develop a neuropsych disorder. But in those who DO show signs and HAVE used drugs during the time when psychosis usually begins, it is pretty much unquestionable that the two go hand in hand. And I agree that the bipolar diagnosis has been overused in the US lately, but from the OP's description, there actually do seem to be valid bipolar signs. He definitely needs to talk with his doctor and sort things out.
On another note, borderline personality disorder may very well be involved, but again, a professional needs to sort out all of the symptoms and potential diagnoses. OP, if you were "diagnosed" as bipolar by a PCP, there IS a good chance that you were misdiagnosed or had one or more diagnoses go unnoticed. PCPs know very little about neuropsych disorders. They basically know about SSRIs and benzodiazepines, which, of course, are the two medications that they gave you. They have very minimal knowledge on this subject, and they would never think to ask probing questions about BPD vs. bipolar. I'm curious why YOU don't think you are bipolar. What don't you feel fits, and why?
_________________
Helinger: Now, what do you see, John?
Nash: Recognition...
Helinger: Well, try seeing accomplishment!
Nash: Is there a difference?
This is the same as I was saying. I just don't accept the theory that drugs automatically cause mental illness. As you said, it needs vulnerability (genetics). Studies may show that a large amount of mentally ill have used drugs, but that doesn't prove that there is direct causality. (What is less know is that there are groups of patients that begin using drugs after they develop the illness, but these groups are often ignored in the studies. But in the statistics these may be put in the same group as the "drug-induced" cases.) It's simply a trigger and I don't consider a trigger the same as a cause.
My point is not that drugs are harmless. No, they are most likely a great trigger and very dangerous to many people with tendencies for mental disorders. But the true causality is still not completely known.
I've been diagnosed with Asperger's, hypomania, and panic disorder. I'm really not sure about the Asperger's. I'm an INTJ so that may make me appear like I am. The locus coeruleus, when not working right, is said to induce symptoms of autism. Panic disorders disrupt the locus coeruleus.
I've been also told that the hypomania dx was wrong. I've definitely been somewhat hyperactive and depressed my whole life. I've definitely abused stimulants like caffeine to feel more manic.
I was in college when I used marijuana, alcohol, and energy drinks and I developed psychosis. I'm still recovering. They don't know what's wrong with me. Possibly derealization from panic disorder.
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INTJ
Out of panic disorder, Asperger's, and bipolar disorder, the locus coeruleus is most linked with bipolar disorder. Norepinephrine's effects on mood and sleep cycles are critical to unraveling the mystery of (hypo)mania. Also, if you developed psychosis during a "high" mood state, then, by definition, you would have had a full manic episode, not a hypomanic one. Hypomania is not a psychotic state.
_________________
Helinger: Now, what do you see, John?
Nash: Recognition...
Helinger: Well, try seeing accomplishment!
Nash: Is there a difference?
I don't have much to give to this conversation, but I'll talk about my own personal experience.
When I was younger I got (what I am pretty certain) misdiagnosed with both ADD and Bipolar disorder. I think that in the US--doctors tend to diagnose almost anyone who does poorly in school with ADD...and I know what you're saying about the American health care and aspergers....aspergers isn't even a consideration here unless they can absolutely rule out ADD.
I got diagnosed with Bipolar as a teenager--but only after being medicated with Paxil, Ritalin, and then Dexedrine, which I'm almost certain caused my bipolar like symptoms...especially the Paxil.
Finally, I looked into AS, and am now almost 100% certain that I've actually been OCD the whole time--only "pure O", or some other anxiety disorder. I also have panic attacks.
So, I understand how frustrating it can be to deal with misdiagnosis. Good luck to you.
Edit: Oh--I didn't notice you said you were ENFP. I'm ENFP too, my N and P are the strongest.