Force Diagnosis?

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Okay I have been seeing a psychiatrist for over a year now. Started with bi weekly appointments and then transitioned to monthly appointments so that's quite frequent. Not only have I provided her with adequate past and present information on symptoms and events verbally but I've also provided a past psychological evaluation paper from my childhood that goes into great detail. She copied these papers. I also provided my SSI approval documentation which also provided informative mental health information. That particular document said I had a personality disorder NOS rule out borderline intellectual functioning a mood disorder NOS etc. I also provided her with several online tests that I had taken and the results to those tests. I've gone so much out of my way to try and provide as much information as possible and yet all she seems to care about is my weight. Is that my diagnosis? Anorexia? Because I have a medical difficulty to gain weight? Honestly I appreciate the concern but when I go to her office that is not my main concern.

I am fine with being a small person. I've lived for twenty three years this way so honestly I don't see why it should be held to any greater importance than my mental health which is what I go to her for. Everyone has to die one day. Thing is my mental health should come first, then if she wants to help with my weight? Thats all fine and dandy but it should be second priority, It's not like I am dying.

Now I am getting really frustrated as every time I ask for a diagnosis she seems to ignore me or brush it off as if she doesn't want to tell me. I asked the receptionist for copies of my records, she said I would have to have my primary care doctor get them and then it would be up to my primary care doctor as to whether or not they should be shared with me. So I plan to get these records plus all of my mental health records from the past. I want a nice big gigantic pile of paper in front of me for me to analyze.

I guess you might wonder why this matters so much to me? Honestly? I've been through a lot in my life and I am in my early twenties and my "issues" have caused a lot of pain and loss in my life. And one thing I hate is when someone asks me whats wrong with me the only thing I can tell them is that I have "issues" or that I am just "screwed up" because I have no name for what is wrong with me. Now I am all alone. I never go out anywhere, hardly have any friends and I am just in this place where I am looking at my life and just searching for...something...anything.

I've spent the past three days doing online tests repeatedly and doing extensive research into mental disorders. I've narrowed things down to about six personality disorders. Two of which are not even included in the book anymore. I've already accepted a mixed diagnosis and that NOS or mixed personality disorder will probably be my label.

I've come up with two possible learning disabilities either ADHD or Dyslexia and I suspect I either have Aspergers, Autism, Schizophrenia or a combination, the reason being is that I match almost every trait, the only thing I lack in really is hallucinations. I've heard things and seen little things but these were things you could easily pass off as your ears and eyes playing tricks on you, I question it to much as to if they were really hallucinations or not.

Point is if she has already diagnosed me can I legally force her to tell me what it is? And if she hasn't can I legally make her work towards a diagnosis? Probably not but I thought it was worth at least asking because I am beyond frustrated. I don't understand why a psychiatrist wouldn't want to share a diagnosis. Sure I come for the meds, I come to talk, I come for the advice but more than anything I come for ANSWERS and the DIAGNOSIS is the ultimate ANSWER!

I can understand that it is highly important to you, for me it is also importand to know what's wrong with me.

But I think it doesn't help you that much doing onlinetests and so on. I also did this and do this sometimes, but you also go to the shrink to get answers to help you to understand yourself better or to understand why you are "different".

So you can eather try to ask her again and tell her your reasons and why this is importat to you or you go to another shrink or you acceppt it.

I'm not sure if it helps if you have a pile of informations about yourself infront of you. You might think the shrink has all of the answers and maybe your shrink has some, but maybe she's not very sure.
Not all people aren't "clear cut cases", even most aren't.
The disorders just describe what can go "wrong" and how you name it. Nothing more.
But the reality is that a lot of people are in between certain diagnoses or even fall out of the system a bit and for some disorders there might not even be a name yet. It even get's more complicated when the person has a certain combination of disorders that influence each other. In my case it is mainly: Tourette's, Bipolar, schzotypal tendencies and ASD tendencies. This is highly complex and no clear easy answer to this and it is even in a lot of cases like this. But nevertheless it is important to understand the "direction" to know where to look for in witch area and not that much the exact name of disorder, because many are highly simmilar and connected to each other or overlapp and I have the feeling that you haven't found yet the area were you need to look for and maybe your shrink hasn't eather. Not every shrink can give you the answer you are looking for.
The function of the human brain is still a mystery and we have to accept this upto a certain degree. Those answers wich diagnosis we have or don't have can just give us a model of explenetion we might fit into or don't. But nothing more. Those labels can't tell us who we are and not even really our problems. Because we are far too complex to explain any of us with one label. And in the end those diagnoses are all nothing more than labels, even if they might fit quite well.

To narrow it down to 6 personality disorders, Autism, ADHD, Aspergers, Schizophrenia, Dyslexia and so on still seems a whole bunch to me.
By the way: ASD and the negative symptoms of schizophrenia are highly identical/overlapping.

I can understand the need to find out what's "wrong" with you and I also had this for a very long time and my old shrink didn't tell me anything. I the end, aver 3/4 year I changed and it came out that she had no clue about me at all and a totally wrong picture about me. So in the end it was just wasted time. Shrinks are also just human beings and don't know everything and very often they don't want to addmit that and sometimes they are even wrong about their patients. It also doesn't work out between every patient and shrink. Im not an "easy patient" to analyze, because I have like many others here complex problems and not one easy clear problem. So I come along with maybe 30% of the shrinks I went, all with a lot of experince. And if your problems are more complex and not clear at first sight you propably wouldn't find them by yourself and need professionel help by doing that and a psychiatrist who is willing and has the knowlege to work with you on that.

Thank you for the response. It has given me alot to think about. Honestly though switching psychiatrists is a very nasty idea in my opinion all for the fact that every time you do you seemingly have to start over. Like right now I've managed to pretty much catch up to the present, if I switch I have to go back to telling my baby stories again and working my way up. As much of a headache as that is I understand that sometimes it has to be done. I think I need to be a little more firm in making it known what I want and I am going to try this at my next appointment. I've compiled a list of the disorders and the symptoms with which I think could possibly apply to me. I am thinking about suggesting a Q and A going down the list of symptoms and letting her be the judge by the end of it and using real life experiences for the answers rather than examples as much as I possibly can during the process.

I am hoping she agrees with the idea and doesn't reject it or feel that I am trying to control the therapy but right now there isn't so much a formed method, it's pretty much me going in and telling her whats happened since the last time I saw her which is more like story telling than really getting in touch with symptoms specifically and maybe make our sessions more organized and directive towards symptoms and diagnosis rather than advice and therapy. All of which is beneficial but right now I just want a diagnosis and if I can get that then we can work on talking about what goes on in my life, you know? And how to deal with it. As far as medications I think she has me on a good combination, I feel mostly stable but I haven't been really put to the test yet since getting back on medicine but I am hoping that it will help.

I just want to understand myself and I feel like sometimes outsiders can understand me better than I can understand me. And like I said I am sick and tired of having to label myself as "Issues" or "Screwed up" when my symptoms get in the way and mess things up and people wonder why I did what I did or said what I said and I can never really tell them why because I lack a name for what causes it. I am sorry to hear about your experience and pray to god that my psychiatrist has a clue about me. She has said that she wasn't sure of a diagnosis yet because she feels she hasn't gotten enough time with me or enough information which is why I want to steer things to focus entirely on symptoms and lay off talking about my daily life, at least until she gets a better understanding of them and then maybe we can both get on the same page and find some way to level things out.

You know what I mean? She wants to help, I want my diagnosis and I want the help and I figure if we can find a way to do it all in an orderly fashion that fits just right everything will go as smooth as it could go.

Oh and as far as ASD symptoms overlapping schizophrenia symptoms, this is where I get confused with the two. Schizophrenia requires hallucinations, right? Most commonly auditory? Well if anyone has any experience in this please let me know. I haven't heard any voices really but I've heard other things. Like when I'm listening to music or watching television and my BF is upstairs sometimes I'll hear him call my name. This happens more commonly when I'm listening to music and have my ear buds in my ears and his voice faintly rings in with the music and it turns out he didn't call my name.

Also I heard the sound of key jingling and the door opening one time as if he had come home from work but no one was there. I was also sitting on the porch and heard soft music down the street off in the distance. All of this happened within a relatively close time frame, I would say less than five months, two or three tops. As for visual hallucinations? Well there was this one time three years ago where someone wrote Medical and it said Medical and I looked at the word again and it said Mental and upon looking at the word a third time it said Medical again. Also when in an instant message with someone I saw a K instead of an L in a word and upon second look I realized it was really an L instead of a K as I had originally saw it.

All of these things confuse me because I don't know if I should consider them real hallucinations and take them seriously or if they are things you should just take as a trick of the ears and the eyes and just brush it off? Like I'm confused if I really hallucinated or not because these things don't seem so severe. As for delusions? I think I possibly have those. I get paranoid, I have trust issues with people and often try to read hidden meanings into simple and innocent remarks that could easily be mistaken or misunderstood or even not. Sometimes I even intentionally dig as if I am looking for a conspiracy or a lie. I've thought a group of people have been conspiring against me before but see all the paranoia are about people I meet, not about strangers or govornment or anything like that.

Oh and if this counts as anything, as a teenager I once thought if I worked hard enough I could learn telekineisis and even got into witch craft for a while because I wanted to get revenge on people. Of course neither of which worked but I know that is a symptom as well. To be honest with as much as I match both ASD and schizophrenia I really suspect a dual diagnosis but I highly doubt I'll get that, I imagine if I am diagnosed at all it will be one or the other.

Like with ASD I have repetitive routines as in I do the same things every day, all the symptoms that could get confused with negative schizophrenic symptoms, I often tap my foot and bounce my knee, difficulty with social interactions in practically every way, Lack of empathy, flat affect which I know is a symptom of both. Restricted interests (Conspiracy theories about existence, life, aliens, space. Creative writing, fantasy etc.) I hold conversations with myself as if I were speaking to another person. "I want ice cream" .... "What kind of ice cream do you want?" .... "We should go get ice cream." but this is all out loud, no voices in the head and I vocalize both personas and realize that it's all me and I've done it since childhood. Short attention span etc. Just alot of symptoms of both and alot are so similar which is why I suspect a dual diagnosis but I doubt I will get one. I feel like it will come down to which one I have more symptoms of.

What do you think?

Hi there

I don't know much about therapy but I have done a course in counselling and I'm seeing someone at the moment. All those chit chats that might mean nothing to you show the therapist how you think and see the word. Also, a major element of therapy is the relationship between the two of you and I guess with most people the bonding process emerges from small talk at first, and sharing experiences. So maybe bear in mind that this is the way therapy is done. A new person may have to go through all this again anyway. I would talk to your therapist about your concerns and then trust her.

However, if you want a diagnosis of something in particular, ie, you are very sure it's AS, then you will need a specialist who will do the diagnostic testing. By the sound of your posts though, things sound a lot less clear cut.

On the subject of "hallucinations", today I thought I heard my name be called 3 times while I was in town. I just think it's because I am tired (ie hungover) and also I was expecting to meet someone so my brain was "primed" to hear my name. I think I hear my mobile phone dozens of times a day. I read words wrong all the time and have to go back to check. Now, it doesn't mean anything that I have these things happen too as I don't have a diagnosis, but in my opinion they are not hallucinations. Our brains pick up data from the world in their own way and if we're not paying the right level attention to something at the right time then our wires can get crossed and we can see what isn't quite there.

The paranoia can be seen in ASD (IMO) because of misunderstanding people. If they have often given you negative reactions in the past then it is sensible that your defences are that bit stronger also. If you don't understand people's very different motivations, or don't realise they are there then a lot of actions can seem a lot more hostile than they actually are. I have trouble when I am feeling bad about myself and think everyone hates me or is picking on me, but I am working on not focussing on these thoughts.

I also got into witch craft and the tarot when I was a teenager (I am in my thirties now). I see it as a way of trying to exert control on a random world. A lot of girls get into it, well, they did when I was young. I could certainly lay my hands on a lot of books on the subject anyway. There are lots of similarities between you and I anyway, from what you have written.

I get that it feels like other people can understand you more, but maybe think about it in a different way. Other people like to state their opinion and then you live up to their expectations. It doesn't make it "you". The you inside may very well naturally behave in a very different manner than what other people have become accustomed to. It is hard to break out of that and find out what you are really like, and sometimes very painful, but hopefully therapy will help with that too.

I hope what I've said hasn't crossed the line with you. As I say, I have no diagnosis and I lived in fear of having Schizophrenia for a long time as my father was diagnosed with it. I never knew him but from some behaviours my mother describes him having, I can see it may have been a misdiagnosis and AS would be a better fit. Also, my son is diagnosed with ASD so who knows? I just saw a bit of myself in your posts.

Thanks for your response. I guess there are similarities. Like I said the supposed hallucinations are very weak and mild to the point where I question if I really had them or not so what you say makes a lot of sense. The delusions are of the paranoid variety, not so much so that I feel like the govornment is following me or that aliens are coming but they are more like trust issues. Like I'll try to read hidden meanings and intentions in the things people say and do, as if I am looking for them to lie to me or to wrong me in some way because thats all people have really done to me so it's like I kind of expect it and want to catch it before it catches me.

Like I said aside from the paranoid delusions (If they can even be called delusions by what I've described) most of my schizophrenia seeming symptoms are of the negative variety which I know often overlaps with ASD and I match the characteristic traits of both incredibly as far as social and mental and behavioral functioning and all that. So from what I am reading is it okay to assume that you think my symptoms are more likely that of ASD than schizophrenia? And no you haven't crossed a line. I really appreciate your response and input in the matter.

I guess I might have to get her to send me to a specialist for proper testing but I am hoping to try this Q and A first with the list of symptoms, characteristics and traits and see if that helps. I know the talk is supposed to help the psychiatrist understand but it seems like such a slow process, I've been seeing her for over a year already. It just seems quicker if she questions a symptom and I answer with a real life event that relates to the symptom she questions me of and then we can check what I have and check off what I don't.

Diagnosis on the internet is, of course, a dangerous game, especially from someone as unqualified as me!

If your current psychiatrist could refer you to an AS specialist that could at least confirm or deny things for you and you would be a step closer to your answers.

Why do you think it may be Schizophrenia? I would never think to call the little things I hear hallucinations ... unless a medical person had suggested it might be.

I guess a major factor is that AS will have been present your whole life so if you think back to your childhood you should see some clear patterns.

What you said about paranoid delusions makes sense to me, I am always assuming my boyfriend is up to no good. I manage to package it in a friendly way but I am sure he finds it tiresome. I just feel that he might lie to me and if he does about something little then how can I trust him at all? For me I think it's because I have difficulty reading the other signs of dishonesty and have been very naive in the past and inevitably got hurt when I least expected it. So now I am on high alert for these things.

I hope some of that makes sense. I would be wary of presenting symptoms to your psychiatrist in terms of delusions and hallucinations. If you heard your name be called just describe that and it's up to her to work out if it is or isn't anything.

Good luck.

Yeah being sent to a specialist might be a good idea. The difficult part about the AS is that my childhood is hard to really remember. See my memories aren't really specific. I remember some things in detail like images or watching a movie but most of my memories are like a general feeling of how things were. Like I can't even remember a lot of specific events that took place in 2008 and 2009 but I know it was a bad time for me because of the feelings I get when I reflect on it. I can tell you that I was taken advantage of during that time and that I was used by a lot of people and mistreated but I couldn't tell you really anything specific, maybe a couple of events but not everything. And what I can't remember? There are no images or videos in my head, just black holes and possible feelings of what it was like.

This was the only factor that made me possibly doubt ASD and look into Schizophrenia or anything in that spectrum because I can't remember anything from my childhood to really indicate ASD. All I have is what few memories I have, a general feeling of what it was like and one documentation of a psychological evaluation done on me back in 1996 which said a great deal about me as a child but what it said never really defined a clear line between schizophrenia or ASD but rather pointed out the negative symptoms of schizophrenia which again I know overlaps ASD.

Plus I match so many of the traits of both, so many I have them all listed in email ready to print out for my psychiatrist so that we can go down the list. I'm just going to be honest with her in my answers and trust her judgement but I do want to be more direct in symptom related discussions, at least for a couple of sessions and I thought the Q and A thing would be a very direct and good idea, especially if I use real life experiences for answers as I know that will provide far more information for her than an example or a hypothetical situation would.

As for the hallucinations, like I said I am on the fence about it, I really am unsure if they were real hallucinations or just tricks of the mind but the paranoia is very real to me and if paranoia and delusions go together then they just go together. Honestly I would rather it be ASD than shizophrenia because then I would feel a little less messed up but I want people to understand who I am and why I am the way I am and what is wrong with me. I'm tired of the label "Issues" you know?

These hallucinations are quite common even for normal people. For schizophrenics they hear things a lot more often than a few times in a several month period. Delusions are also generally more bizarre than that although some if you are autistic can cased by that or social phobia. Google "schizotypal personality disorder." That is less severe than actual schizophrenia. After all you said that you think 6 personality disorders fit you. I don't know. Schizotypals also think things with people might have hidden meanings and conspiring against you but you are not totally 100% that its true. Schizophrenics, typically untreated schizophrenics their psychosis can be very, very severe to the point that they are hospitalized. They can even be homeless or worse if untreated. Half the time they wouldn't even be able to string together a coherent sentence. Hearing your name being called is very common. I have schizoaffective disorder. I answered you in another thread. Hearing your name in other noise is not really a hallucination. Now, if the music is talking to you inside the lyrics then it might be a hallucination. Schizophrenics typically hear voices. Why do you think you are dyslexic? You spelled most (99%) of the things accurately. That is unless you used a spell check for most of it. Although you spelled "government" as "govornment." No one spells perfectly. That doesn't mean dyslexia. Dyslexia is more like being unable to read and spell accurately. How well is your reading? Is it at your age level? I read on the other thread that you are going to a doctor soon. I am not a doctor but I do have a lot of knowledge on this subject. I have a dyslexic brother and like I mentioned earlier I have schizoaffective disorder bipolar type.