HabitReversal Therapy feels like it doesn't describe my tics
So, my mom and I were talking about how my rispiridone isn't as effective as it used to be, and how if it wasn't for the one terrible long-lasting vocal tic I have (and some other stuff) I would probably be in a way better mood, and be doing way better.
She mentioned HBT (Habit Reversal Therapy) and described it as this thing where you learn to see a signal before your tic and immediately do a competing response (such as deep breathing to cancel a vocal tic) to stop the tic. I also found this video:
youtube (dot) (com) / watch?v=gbrUzRtRGTk
My problem is, my tics don't feel like they work this way.
So, HBT says tics are like this: You feel a signal, then a moment later you lose control of your muscles and you do the tic.
Here's how my tics feel like to me: Something happens that causes me to tic (such as my dad loudly saying my name from another room, that usually gives me my vocal tic), and then I get this desire to do the actions of the vocal tic, and this desire sort of overtakes whatever desires I REALLY have, and makes me do the tic.
In other words, I don't lose control of my muscles, I lose control of my desires. My pre-existing desire to read the paper or take a bite of my chocolate bar (or whatever) gets set aside and the desire to do the tic sort of takes over my free will.
I'm not looking at my tic as an outside observer, wondering how I lost control, I'm choosing to do it, but I'm not in control of what I choose to do, you know?
So basically, If I'm losing the ability to choose to not do the tic, then how can I choose not to do the tic?
TL;DR: Habit Reversal Therapy feels inherently flawed, like it doesn't really apply to how my tics really feel. I don't understand how it could actually work at all.
For a lot of people with Tourettes, there is the "urge". Personally, I only feel it on larger or more complex tics. The feeling I get is almost a feeling of constantly holding back until it snaps. 95% of my tics are very simple, very quick, and there is no urge. If I try to hold in one tic, it just comes out another way so Habit Reversal Training is pretty useless to me as well.
If I had a tic where I clapped my hands, (The Complexity making it more likely I'll "Feel it coming on") the mental energy of isolating that feeling and attempting to focus on my hands not doing something distracts my brain from all of the smaller tics that it's fighting. I might start coughing, or twitch my face, blink, but no matter what IT GETS OUT. Not only does it get out, but that effort and attention toward the one particular tic usually sets the rest of them off like a bomb.
Sure I have this one really annoying tic, but if I focus on it, all ten of my other annoying tics will replace it. At best, I might stop the tic, do the "learned response" and then immediately do the original tic.
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Severe Tourette's With OCD Features.
Reconsidering ASD, I might just be NVLD.
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