Life is a mess (newbie here)

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Hi everyone, I'm new here. I actually stumbled upon this forum after googling "can't find a job + suicidal".

So...I feel like my life is such a mess. I'm 28, and I've had about 10 jobs in as many years. I can't hold down a job - the longest job I've had was for 2 years, and I left that one because of a nervous breakdown. It's like, when I'm in a job I feel so imprisoned and suicidal, and when I'm unemployed I just feel so down, and I look for work desperately, fooling myself into thinking I'll feel better about myself if I have a job. Then I get a job and the cycle repeats all over again.

I have had a history with depression, and after trying several medications I felt I was getting worse, not better, so I went to my doctor and tried to get a referral to a psychiatrist, so I could get some kind of diagnosis...just wanted to find out what the heck was wrong with me. Before being referred though, I had to see a community counsellor first - I told her everything - depression, suicidal tendencies, social awkwardness, inability to hold down a job...the lot - and she told me to check out a depression website and to consider joining a woman's scrapbooking group. She also advised she would be writing to my doctor to tell him there was no need for a psychiatric referral.

I just don't know what to do.

I know I'm rambling and I'm sorry. I'm not anticipating any replies, but if you've read this far - thank you. It has felt good to let it all out.

So, I guess you are here because you think you are autistic?

Then you should next to your depressions also check on this.
I hope you find a way to deal with your depressions.

Hello Sandybear, welcome to Wrong Planet.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Obviously I can't diagnose you because I'm not a psychiatrist, but there is clearly something wrong and I doubt very much that scrapbooking will help! You are entitled to ask for a second opinion. Failing that if you feel suicidal you can go to A&E and see the Crisis Team or the duty Psychiatrist, that might get you into the system (I'm presuming you are in the UK, correct me if I am wrong).

Whatever the issue is it is clearly having an effect on your life in a big way, and you deserve to have it diagnosed and treated appropriately. If you think you have AS (I'm not sure if that's the case or not because of the forum you have posted in) then there are places that diagnose adults, but a psychiatrist might not know much about AS. There seems to be a particular lack of knowledge when it comes to how women present with AS. You might find it a long road, but I think it's worth taking to find out why you are struggling so much.