Why do "loved" people kill themselves?

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I just heard a father saying his daughter did this... which makes me wonder, if they were truly 'loved', then what should an unloved person do, kill themselves a hundred times over? I decided to keep living, and years later I live alone, rarely talking to anyone... with cat poop as a foundation of my flat. So, eh, not sure not dying is entirely rational sometimes, but...

Because depression makes their brains skew things and they don't process things the way they usually would. They don't believe they are loved even when they are.

Depression and suicidality can happen to anyone. The most fortunate (and loved) of people can be stricken with mental illness, addiction, depression, anxiety, and the list goes on. Personal histories/the lives of others are complicated, and we cannot know all that a particular person has experienced; in your example, we only hear the father's side of the story.

Because living is exhausting or emotionally and physically painful.

Love doesn't fix everything.

Yes, this can be a big part of it. It was certainly the case with my dad. Thanks for the thoughtful post.

I try to guard what I say on this forum as I have had dangerous people mistreat me or misinterpret me in the past. I don't mean dangerous in a physical sense, but just emotionally. Like, being inconsiderate and making me feel more of an outsider than I already am in society.

Suicide can happen for all sorts of reasons. I have had clinical depression since being about 13 years old, which snowballed into severe social anxiety around 2005-2006 and lasted until I 2012. I could barely talk in 6th form verbally (I started late 2005...). I would mumble incoherently & the entire class I was in, would laugh out loud every time it was my turn to speak. I had horrible social anxiety. My heart would start racing when the first person spoke, and as one person spoke, each in turn, speech creeping from one body to another around the table - by the time I was reached my heart was racing and I managed to choke out a few words and then the ear-piercing laughter came from everyone.

Sometimes people would try not to laugh and have some consideration, but then someone else would snigger and everyone would be roaring with laughter. Made me die inside.

I decided to do a skydive in 2012, hoping that I that the parachute(s) would fail, but reasoning that if that I landed, then God may be giving me a reason to live on.

Later, in 2016 roundabouts, I was very close to suicide, I don't want to get into specifics but yeah.... it can happen because of cyber-bullying, trolls, depression, poverty, psychological abuse from different people, neurological issues in addition to the psychological issues & so on.

Last edited by blitzkrieg on 03 Jan 2022, 9:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

We don't know. In many cases they take their reasons to the grave. I suppose the pressures of life, and untenable conditions. Low morale basically, a.k.a despair, depression, hopelessness.

Past members of WP have born this out by complaining to the people who care and want to help that no one cares or wants to help; by asking for advice and then rejecting all advice given; and by attacking people who have pulled themselves out of similar situations.

Depression involves physiological changes to the brain, which actually make it harder to remember or to recognise positive aspects to life and leads one to dwell on the negative.

There are evolutionary reasons behind this process - sometimes when one's situation in life is untenable, depression enables one to physically withdraw from the harmful life pressures and work through your problems mentally, keeping one miserable enough to keep doing this until an alternative approach to dealing with stressors can be found.

Unfortunately, some people have a genetic predisposition to fall into a state of depression more frequently (regardless of whether their life situation is objectively bad), and others may get stuck there if they cannot find a way to relieve the life stresses and improve their circumstances within a reasonable period.

Once someone is depressed, love and support definitely helps with recovery, but it still takes time to reset the physiological changes in the brain. Mental illness doesn't automatically disappear immediately ones circumstances improve, it's like breaking a leg, the brain needs time to heal.

In response to Fnord, the above is why people can get stuck wallowing in negative thoughts without being able to see the positives to be gained by certain actions. Practical advice can seem to them like you are not understanding the intractability of their problems, which to them seem overwhelming and hopeless.

I think we can only reassure the person that they are loved and supported and give them lots of positive feedback, to help them avoid falling deeper into the pit of despair until their brain can start to recover.

That is all well-and-good, however . . .In the meantime, they spam this website with their tales of woe (even derailing unrelated threads) and accuse anyone better adjusted than they of being detractors; some going so far as to accuse others of deliberately attacking them when those others express love, support, and positive feedback.

So let us leave the recovery process to the appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professionals, shall we?

You can't measure "love"
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Not enough information to determine the answer to the question in the title of your post

Not everyone has the same reason to commit suicide

The reason could be subconscious
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Not everyone defines and measures love the same way

Good choice.

Oh that's a bit harsh, Fnord.

Firstly, I am sure that someone posting here while in the depths of depression is not intending to spam but is probably genuinely seeking peer support.

Secondly, If they are posting here about their issues it would seem to indicate that professional support is inadequate or failing them, so it seems unfeeling to brush them off with the "go see a professional" line. I mean, yes, they ought to go see a professional and we can point that out, but surely it's best to do so without making them feel unheard and unsupported here too.

To be honest, I do find it hard to read some of those kinds of posts and not get frustrated with the person, I'm only human. Often I can't think if a helpful response and withdraw to avoid frustration. But if I do manage a response, I try to be as supportive as possible and avoid criticising their lack of action.

Well, when depression gets to the level of thinking of suicide, you're not really thinking rationally. So even if people do love you or what not, that may in the moment not seem enough to make life worth continuing.

I attemted suicide once when I was 15, and now well it's even kind of hard for me to understand since I like very much want to continue living as long as possible anymore. But I guess that is the thing getting to that level of depression makes it hard to think clearly, you're just kind of stuck in the moment of feeling like sh*t and you just want relief and that might feel like the only way.

If I had succeeded yeah a lot of people who did care about me would have been devastated, but I wasn't really thinking about that I was thinking about. 'uuhhh my life is mostly misery, what is the point'. At least since that I have the mind if I start feeling that way to go to the hospital which I have done twice since it would be pretty hard to kill yourself in a psych ward. Though last I felt like that was in my early 20's, I don't really think I am at risk of suicide anymore.

It's not even that, you may know you are loved...

But what does that help if you still feel miserable most of the time...?