Hey, is something wrong with me ?

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First of all hello, this is my first topic, so a quick presentation.
I'm Nicholas, male, french, 26 years old, I currently live in the UK where I work as a croupier.
I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with me, I've been coping with this since i've been like 17, when I started to realize all the people in my school were dating, going in holidays together, having fun, and I was always alone, bullied a bit (not physically, but mentally), spending my free time in my room by myself.
I tried to study many different things, chemistry, medecine, electronic, japanese, acting, all of those got me nowhere. I've got into the casino business thanks to my parents that pointed to me that being a croupier would really suit me, and it does, I love it (even tho wages are crap at the moment, but it will get better).
I have real social interactions issues, I have no friends, never had a relationship, I always get the feeling that people find me weird when I'm talking. I'm suffering from depression, and I currently take SSRI. Thanks to those I'm more relaxed, but before that I had serious anger issues, could burst out in rage out of nowhere. My mood can and usually switch from cheerful to suicidal over tiny comments or things done to me, even indirectly. I'm emotional, sensitive, i have no self-esteem whatsoever.
I don't talk much, I've been trying harder to blend in and adapt by mimic how other normal people think, ie. telling stupid jokes, talk about sex, being a morron basically. I just find all those people my age so boring. Drinking beer, talking about football and what to say to that girl over there to get her into bed.
Sometimes my interests can goes toward something in an obsessive way. Like building a tower made of chips. One other croupier the other day called me "a sad person, creative but sad person" but I don't get what's wrong with building a freaking tower if I want to. I find it fun, it entertains me more than watching a stupid football game. I usually do math stuff during my breaks, like figuring the odds of some hands at the table, analyzing how customers played and figuring out my advantage against them. Again, while the other watch stupid football, I look like a weirdo because I find it fun.

Sorry, this post is a bit confuse, but so is my brain. It just makes me sad that I can't have anyone to care about me for being myself. The loneliness is literally killing me.

Maybe here I can be able to talk to understanding people. I hope so. Anyway, thanks for reading.

Nicholas,

I feel very sad about your situation. My heart goes out to you.

Given that you don't and never had healthy relationships and supportive friends is not normal compared to the general population. I think it is very important that you get professional help with this issue so that you can begin to feel better about yourself and life.

You deserve to be happy and have friends. You matter just as anyone else. Please, get some help as you don't have to be alone with this.

Giliana

Thank you, it really means a lot. I'm actually going to see a therapist this week, but it's with the national health service so I don't expect much from it...
Funny how you talk about healthy relationship and supportive friends. To me, it's a fact that friends by definition are not supportive and relationships are not healthy. I mean, from what I've experienced, that's the logic that came out of it. Always seeing couples with one manipulating the other, friends stabbing each other in the back and so on. Maybe my logic is wrong, but I just find people deceiving.
I also feel that I don't matter as much as anyone else. I mean, I always been alone and people seem to dispise me, there must be a reason for it...

^^^Indeed.