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TallyMan
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18 Jan 2014, 11:26 am

Does anyone else change from day to day how sociable they are? If so, do you attribute it to Asperger's or Cyclothymia (I have both) or something else?

My wife has been going for physiotherapy for a few weeks now and I've been driving her there and I pass some of the time reading a book I take along to the sessions. However, spouse commented that some days I'm really chatty with the physio and hardly open my book but other times I just ignore him and bury my head in the book. Some days I just don't feel social or drawn towards communicating. Spouse says it makes me look very moody, but I'm not moody in the sense of alternating between good/bad moods - just alternating between being moderately social and so withdrawn I'm almost mute.

Anyone else the same? What do you attribute your behaviour to? Do people say you are moody?


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BirdInFlight
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18 Jan 2014, 11:34 am

I'm the same, yes, and with me it seems to depend on if I've already reached some indefinable inner limit of sociability, past which I feel overload and I don't seem to have any "battery juice" left to be chatty and friendly one more time to anyone.

For example, if I've had a week in which all my work clients have engaged me in extensive conversation, and there kids have been boisterous, and even the check-out cashier at several shops has had a lot to say, I'm so drained that by the time another event in which I could be chatty comes along, I have nothing left to give.

But if I haven't used up all my juice, I can be very chatty and warm and friendly. It all seems to be about a mysterious level of energy to cope that can get used up, like a limit on internet data allowance or something.


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babybird
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18 Jan 2014, 11:40 am

Yeah, I'm similar to that. People do think I'm moody. Sometimes I'll just sit on my own at work, as far away from anyone else as possible.

Mind you though, there's a lot of bullying at my work, so I just tend to keep out of it.

It did take me about two months to even talk to anyone where I work anyway, so I think they just don't bother about it when I go into non talking mode.

I talk to clients on the phone but that is about it. I only really talk when I need to anyway, and even then it's an effort sometimes.

I think it is the aspergers, you know.


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leafplant
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18 Jan 2014, 12:24 pm

Me too, and I live alone, so the only people I have to speak to at home are cats. Still, some days, just opening my mouth seems like too much effort. Mother said, when I told her I suspected I had Aspergers, that they thought I was just being moody all this time.
There is a story my Nana is fond of telling and it's about how she came to collect me from nursery one time and all the kids were playing but I was standing at the window, staring out. When she spoke to me, I wouldn't say anything, just kept shrugging my shoulders; in contrast to my usual chattiness I suppose. I remember that day very well and I know that I was standing in the window because I was tired of the other kids who were wearing me out with noise and arguing and running about.

I guess it must be difficult for NTs to comprehend and accept what they must perceive as lack of consistency in our behaviour.



Ashariel
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18 Jan 2014, 12:27 pm

I think that's pretty common for all bipolars, even those who are not autistic. It's typical to be more social and bubbly when manic, and more withdrawn when depressed.

In terms of language ability though – when I'm in a depressive state, I really struggle to put words together, and I think that might be a factor of autism.



babybird
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18 Jan 2014, 12:34 pm

I just literally, physically cannot talk to certain people. The words just wont come out. I'm not even sure if the words are there to begin with to be honest.


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LtlPinkCoupe
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18 Jan 2014, 12:52 pm

Perhaps it's related to having enough "energy" to expend on being social. I know that when I'm having a good day, feel properly emotionally regulated, physically up to par, and don't feel threatened by anything in my environment (whether it's by another person or unwanted sensory input) I'm usually very humorous and chatty, and people comment on how different this is from my usual quiet, shy and withdrawn demeanor. It also helps when I'm talking with someone who shares the same special interests as me - I become positively electrified then!

However, on days when I feel emotionally fragile, anxious, and physically unwell (such as when I have a cold or headache or something) and am thrust into a situation that demands too much from me, I tend to become more withdrawn, quiet, and moody. On those days I tend to do better when I can get done what I need to get done earlier in the day and have the rest of the afternoon and evening to decompress and process the events of the day.


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BirdInFlight
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18 Jan 2014, 12:58 pm

Ashariel wrote:
I think that's pretty common for all bipolars, even those who are not autistic. It's typical to be more social and bubbly when manic, and more withdrawn when depressed.

In terms of language ability though – when I'm in a depressive state, I really struggle to put words together, and I think that might be a factor of autism.


I'm not bi-polar. And I have that on authority.

Mine comes from EXHAUSTION socially if I've been forced to be social too much.

Thanks for the diagnosis but I'm not bi-polar... :roll:


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babybird
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18 Jan 2014, 1:21 pm

With me, I think it's due to anxiety sometimes.

And sometimes I just feel like it really has all been said before.

And I listen to conversations, and they are soooo f*****g boring, I don't even know why people are so enthusiastic about what they are saying.

I'd just really rather not talk unless I'm getting paid for the chore.


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Ashariel
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18 Jan 2014, 1:23 pm

BirdInFlight wrote:
I'm not bi-polar. And I have that on authority.

Mine comes from EXHAUSTION socially if I've been forced to be social too much.

Thanks for the diagnosis but I'm not bi-polar... :roll:


Sorry I wasn't clear – I was replying to the OP (who has cyclothymia), not to you personally. And yes I agree that social exhaustion is definitely a contributing factor!

Sorry again if that was unclear! :)



TallyMan
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18 Jan 2014, 1:32 pm

Ashariel wrote:
I think that's pretty common for all bipolars, even those who are not autistic. It's typical to be more social and bubbly when manic, and more withdrawn when depressed.

In terms of language ability though – when I'm in a depressive state, I really struggle to put words together, and I think that might be a factor of autism.


That is what I was wondering. These withdrawn states are associated with both Asperger's and Cyclothymia (Cyclothymia is a form of very mild bipolar). So I've got a double-whamy's worth of withdrawal. :lol: I wouldn't say I'm necessarily manic or depressed though when I'm withdrawn. Rather like you I struggle to put words together when withdrawn. Even if I'm in a situation where conversation is required e.g. the first time I've seen a particular friend or relative for some time... but the words either don't come or they require an immense amount of effort to put together "something" to say. Maintaining a conversation is impossible.


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TallyMan
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18 Jan 2014, 1:55 pm

LtlPinkCoupe wrote:
Perhaps it's related to having enough "energy" to expend on being social. I know that when I'm having a good day, feel properly emotionally regulated, physically up to par, and don't feel threatened by anything in my environment (whether it's by another person or unwanted sensory input) I'm usually very humorous and chatty, and people comment on how different this is from my usual quiet, shy and withdrawn demeanor. It also helps when I'm talking with someone who shares the same special interests as me - I become positively electrified then!

However, on days when I feel emotionally fragile, anxious, and physically unwell (such as when I have a cold or headache or something) and am thrust into a situation that demands too much from me, I tend to become more withdrawn, quiet, and moody. On those days I tend to do better when I can get done what I need to get done earlier in the day and have the rest of the afternoon and evening to decompress and process the events of the day.


I can relate to this too. Though I wouldn't necessarily say I'm more withdrawn when I'm feeling emotionally fragile/anxious/unwell. When I'm withdrawn I can be feeling happy or sad, tired or energetic. Though perhaps I do chatter more when feeling energetic.

It is almost like I carry around a bag full of words and when the bag is empty I've got no more to give. It takes several hours or even days for the word-bag to fill up again.


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Willard
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18 Jan 2014, 2:47 pm

TallyMan wrote:
It is almost like I carry around a bag full of words and when the bag is empty I've got no more to give. It takes several hours or even days for the word-bag to fill up again.


:D That's a very apt metaphor, I like it.

There are definitely specific days or even periods within a particular day, during which I can be unnaturally gregarious for a while and when it's done, it's done, like closing a window. "That's all I have for today, thanks. See you some other time."

Similarly, there are also days when I feel even more withdrawn than usual, in a sort of mental fog, while everything around me feels distant and unreal. Today is one of those days. It's as though when I woke up this morning, I left a part of my mind in the dream world.



TallyMan
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18 Jan 2014, 2:51 pm

Willard wrote:
Similarly, there are also days when I feel even more withdrawn than usual, in a sort of mental fog, while everything around me feels distant and unreal. Today is one of those days. It's as though when I woke up this morning, I left a part of my mind in the dream world.


:lol: That very thought passed through my mind this morning when I got up. My brain/thoughts were slow, muddled and cloudy but my dream state a few minutes earlier seemed more alive and vibrant than the real world!


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jourdan
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18 Jan 2014, 4:13 pm

babybird wrote:
I just literally, physically cannot talk to certain people. The words just wont come out. I'm not even sure if the words are there to begin with to be honest.


This happens to me too. After too much socializing, or if I'm just mentally drained, I just can't seem to form sentences. Most of the time when I'm in this state and am expected to talk I just grunt in the general direction of the person speaking to me. :lol:
In response to the OP, this happens to me quite often; I can be very social one day and not be able to look at people, let alone speak to them, the next. My mother used to ask me if it was a "talk day."


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18 Jan 2014, 5:38 pm

I think the symptoms of autism can fluctuate over time as you move through different situations and levels of stress.


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