PTSD

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So, it has come to my attention that I have PTSD. Why?

My parents viciously would punch me in the face if I did something wrong, which was often, and one time, I was beaten viciously with a baseball bat, to the point where my right jaw was broken.

How can I overcome this? What can I do to help myself?

I ... wish that I knew.
I most likely still have PTSD as well, after experiencing various types of abuse since when I was a young child.
I'm sorry to hear that you have experienced such traumatic physical abuse.

My mother used to pinch me too, but not on the face. She would spit in my face but knew better than to mark may face and then have to explain it. She would jhowever pinch me and leave purple marks on my arms, or slap me on my legs leaving hand prints that would fade in an hour or two. But I never had a broken bone or bruises from them, as they knew just how far and how much they could get away with. I used to wish they would break something so I'd finally have tangible evidence to threaten them with so they would stop, but they never did, so I would have to endure endless torturous comments of people telling me how much my mother really loved me, etc. if I had marks to show, I'd finally have the proof to refute their words!

I really feel for you. You were abused in a terrible way and those who did that to you should, in a fair world, pay for that. But that may never happen so at some point you have to determine to be the happiest you can be in spite of them. Abusers like your parents will never understand the wrongness of their actions, sad to say.

There may be domestic abuse hotlines you can call to find free resources. Do you still live at home or are you on your own? There are probably support groups you can attend. A good therapist would be able to help. Don't blame yourself for what happened though. It wasn't your fault and you must believe that, no matter what screwed up things they told to you in their incapacity to be decent human beings and parents.

Good luck!

One thing that helps me is gardening. It's recommended by many therapists and doctors alike. It may not be for you, but it is for me, and maaaybe it could be for you! Gardening to me is growing pleasure. Good thoughts are made in the garden.

As of now, I still live at home.

I have gotten therapy for this recently, so there is hope for me yet over this terrible beating I took years ago.

I am concerned that you are still living with your abusers. How long ago did they break your jaw? If the statute limitations has not passed I would sue them. That is child abuse. I would get them put into jail. How do you currently feel toward them and how is your relationship with them now?

My parents, you mean? They've gotten mellower with age, but given that they are typical Asian parents, they will snap at me once in a while. They are overly conservative, which I hate.

This happened in 1998/99.

my advice:
try to move out as soon as possible.
Eventhough they might not hurt you anymore, you have PTSD from past experiences and you wouldn't come over it staying in the same place that caused it.

Thank you. ATM, it is not financially possible for me to do so, but once that happens, then I will.

LOL OMG Oh I'm so sorry but here I had to laugh. What type of Asian? Korean or Chinese?

I worked at a Korean farm stand when I was 13. When I got sassy with a customer one of the bosses hit me on the head with a milk crate and waggled his finger to scold that "Customer is KING!" Koreans can be really crazy. I was raised by caucasians but who knows if I might have turned out the same if I were raised by Koreans.

Korean.

I'm sorry. Koreans are a different color of crazy. I have many stories of Koreans behaving off the wall doing crazy things, so I'm less surprised. It certainly doesn't excuse their behavior, but it does explain it. I'm sure there are many Koreans that don't behave that way, but they certainly have more then their fair share, percentage-wise. Are they first-generation Koreans? Sadly, I find that pressures and stresses of first generation immigrants who don't understand cultural norms while possessing a "sink or swim" mentality is an unfortunate combination in which abuse can and often does flourish. Had I been raised by my biological Korean parents I might well be acting the same ways, not knowing any better, but that is pure conjecture. I am really sorry you cannot extract yourself from your environment right now. I wish I had some good advice for you, but I do think that looking into domestic abuse shelters and utilizing their resources may be your best bet. Don't despair, and don't give up. I think it is wonderful that you are able to separate their behavior from your own. That is the first step in recognizing what is acceptable and what is not, and why. This means there is potential for change, and that is a positive thing! You are not doomed. Last I heard a terrible stereotype that Koreans were smart. I also heard an unconfirmed rumour that many people with Asperger's are smart too. Your rage is a product of your intelligence seeing how unjustly you've been treated. Deep down you know what is right, and that is why you are so angry. Funnel that energy into something more positive and productive, like strategizing a way out of there. What are your skills? Are you in school? I don't have much information to give since my knowledge of you is limited at the moment.

I recently graduated college, does that count?

I want to say as well because of my PTSD, partly, at least, I have wanted to somehow get my hands on a gun.

I don't think getting a gun is a good idea until you work out your anger issues. I do believe that once you go out and find yourself a job you are happy with and can keep, that gives you a sense of pride and self-sufficiency, you won't feel as angry and stuck as you do now.

By the way, congratulations on graduating college! I never went to college (as a matriculated student) and I have regrets about not doing so. But that should give you a sense of accomplishment! Do you have any friends? Having a supportive network can also sometimes help you feel less angry and alone. But it may be a catch-22. There may be people who may sense your hostility and may not feel comfortable with someone with rage issues, so please see if you can get some good counseling for that, and good friendships will follow. Even maybe some prescription medications in the interim if you are having homicidal thoughts. Meds can be a good short-term solution while you sort out your anger and learn more positive coping skills. Good luck!! !