Feeling in the moment

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I have problems being emotional in the moment. While I am physically alone I find that I tend to have more depth of feelings. Even or especially about events that have happened with someone else previously.
I don't want to have to be alone in order to have strong emotions as a necessity. I understand how it is super beneficial in lots of regular social circumstances because when I'm feeling something strongly I have little/no self-control over my actions. Like, I've found it must easier to not hide my emotions but rather just not experience them as strongly as a way of acting appropriately in any given social interaction that would otherwise be emotional.
The problem is that in intimate social interactions I don't want to be that way. I don't know how not to be though. Sometimes I can be emotional, but even at those points it can be very awkward for me even if it's with someone I'm ostensibly comfortable with, and most often when that happens its a surge of something negative more than positive it seems.
I used to think that it was just a delay in my emotions until I could process, but I think it's more of a 'delay until I'm alone' situation. I don't seem to lack understanding such that I need to process, at least that's not what I think the case is...although there's a possibility I simply do not understand my own processes.

Lack of strong emotions leads me to do things to strum my emotions, like listen to music for hours to the exclusion of other activities, or drink alcohol; not exactly productive, healthy things to spend my time doing I don't think.

Interacting with people online I don't seem to have this issue, not unless I WANT to be unemotional about something because it's ultimately supposed to be a discussion about ideas or something, not emotions.

I don't perceive myself as being anxious around people though, so if it is anxiety I'm unaware of it. Not knowing when I'm anxious does seem like a possibility nevertheless, as I get overwhelmed sometimes but have never called that state anxiety even though upon thinking about it specifically I figure that it's rather textbook anxiety.

It feels like an automatic state I have no control over more than anything, and not an unnatural one. But I still don't like it, I want to be able to change that. I want to be able to feel strong love when I am with my lover, not only when I am separated from them and thinking about them and my interactions with them.

I suppose this could be some sort of mild dissociative disorder, mild in that it only involves emotions and not entire memories, experiences, etc.

I can relate to the processing the emotions later. I've found that open and frank discussions help. I say just do what feels natural.

This might be of some interest to you... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monotropism