I have no clue personally

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I have been slapped by doctors with the label schizoaffective disorder and a psychiatrist has labeled me a manic-depressive. Family members and a few online people slapped the label high functioning autism on me. I also was diagnosed by doctors to have panic disorder. I am also awkward with my wife and I believe I have a romantic attraction to her more than a sexual one. I have found that I have 90% true love for her based on a point based system I created from an online article I read and she has -25% true love for me. Yes, I got a negative number for her. Pretty sad. At least she did not get a -100%, so that means she feels something for me. Basically I think she feels just an attraction for me and cares about me, but she has too many negative feelings about me as well as violent actions towards me when I visit her once in a blue moon. Yes, she is in Mexico while I am in America. I went down there for six months and lost all my money. I quit my permanent job before going down there because I loved her a lot and she kept stating I needed to be in Mexico. Unfortunately, it was nothing but a sadness for me the majority of the time. And yes, I tend to go over my whole life story like a book and I also repeat over and over about my wife and kids. Then, I talk in circles about psychology and medicine as well as psychological disorders. I have been on medications twice in my life and I hated it. It just felt more boring and more lonely when I was on medicine. And I also did not like the idea of being dependent on medicine just to make someone else happy and not myself. The medication only helped me understand people halfway and kind of reduced my talking somewhat. Now Zyprexa though. That turned me into a walking zombie with no brains at all. Ya that cured my communication problem alright. The lack of talking completely makes it possible to never offend anybody and it was beautiful to have all the sound volume reduced to whispers. My thoughts were completely empty as well. I was literally a zombie and everybody thought it was great to get the annoying man to shut up for once. My wife, however, hated it when I took Zyprexa when she use to be in America. She was there when I took Zyprexa and she couldn't stand that I was no longer talking. She loves me talking a lot. Her problem is she wants me to change the topic for once. That and she doesn't like the topics I pick. And yes, I can write paragraphs of information in one sitting.