Epiphany on PTSD

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Anyways, I'm not at liberty to say what, but earlier this year, something happened that hit me and nearly all my friends like a gut punch. People died and/or disappeared, likely for good. It's not the talk of the town anymore, but it's still damn close. I was the 2nd guy there, and it sucked. Lots. As I type this I'm not altogether sure why I'm continuing to do so, save for sharing the lessons I've learned throughout my remediation process.

Last night, as I tried to get some sleep (the usual aspie time, we're talking after 3am; my insomnia is largely unrelated), I inexorably thought back to this indecent and my most frantic memories therein. I intensely, somewhat wordlessly, considered how this blight on my conscience might effect my friends and my *hopefully* upcoming relationships. In a couple hours time, I realized I had been reliving absolutely everything that happened to me since this traumatic breakpoint in a sort of drawn in time-lapse format. I didn't skip a minute, any sentence uttered, anything I wish I'd said, anywhere I wish I'd gone, any work my mind in any other state might've been able to think through more completely. I only deal in conceptual work anyway, so in a better rested state, iterating on this year's studies would be no problem at all. In this state however, I was only able to rethink my prior goals - the process was completely factored out. Same went for everything I wished I'd said in situ; none of that made any contextual sense. All the jokes I lucid dreamed about were funny exclusively to me.

I believe PTSD isn't a disorder at all, not to mention HFA. PTSD is an ancient mechanism for precise, extrapolated decision making under self-imposed pressure. When others shoulder the responsibilities which led to this sense of imperative, the instinct remains, and when circumstantial stress elicits recollection of the trauma, life gets recapped so one's mind can keep track of its' surroundings, ironically enough leading to a dissociation with them.

Your thoughts?

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

You are very smart. My therapist would agree with you, she is often talking about the creative ways in which people deal with trauma, rather than talking about PTSD symptoms as such.

I'd have to disagree, its only f****d me up....I have not seen or experienced any kind of benefit from having it, can't think of a single positive aspect aside from more understanding of how it feels to have it but not really a benefit per say. I mean fight or flight is certainly a natural response to danger, its problematic when there is no real danger and you go into that and are potentially in danger of causing harm to yourself or others because you're in survival instinct mode and everything is a threat. Also it screwed up my abilities to concentrate and focus even on special intrests, loved reading but after that it just wasn't the same and I can't focus and really get into it like before.

So yeah I can't agree with it not being a disorder...it causes problems in my life and is a mental condition therefore a disorder.

I could imagine that trauma leading to a specific phobia could have it's benefit, so the brain aha learned to stay away from the danger, But PTSD is in my opinion clearly a disorder because it hinders a person to live his or her life in full extent. It can also have severe consequences and lead to other disorders. My schizotypal symptoms increased after having experienced q trauma and I got highly paranoid towards things that reminded me on the traumatic event. I also experienced mild psychotic symptom every time the date of the trauma occurs or something like that. It also hindered me to live a normal life. There are not many things that that can influence a person so negatively than a trauma. It's also related to other severe mental illnesses like borderline PD and what's not that widely known, about 20 to 25% of the ppl with schizophrenia also show symptoms of PTSD.

I'm well aware that suffering is a part of my life, thank you I know what I have seen. I'm sorry you refuse to see the value in acknowledging how natural and inherently human the causes of social discord in our lives can be. In no way was this an attempt to de-legitimize anyone's suffering, neither my own. Since I wrote the OP, I've had flashbacks to the events that brought this on in me, yet I stand by my conviction that PTSD and all the stigma that follows CAN BE SURVIVED. I would be looking backwards or "treading water" to ever believe otherwise. The social ripples of the events I've lived through continue all the time, that's why you'll see me sticking around here to remind people like me that life is worthwhile. In a state of nature, life is inevitably a struggle, but I'm an ambitious autistic and struggle only enforces my survivalist determination all the more.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Maybe it can be 'survived' for a time....well at least for me, but its likely it will be the damn death of me. In my case the PTSD is doing a good job of destroying any survivalist determination I might have left....I wish I could see life as being worthwhile or think the future holds something worthwhile but no, there's nothing there to really look forward to.

oops

This reads more like dissociation than epiphany. I don't feel dissociation is helpful, because our emotions lead our lives even if we're unaware of it. Cut emotions off, and any decisions at all are not possible.
PTSD sucks. It can diminish to a murmur through work or over time, but it's an over simplified biological imprint which rarely serves us well.

i was wondering if this was a topic on here, this PTSD
i was told I have PTSD, an exceptionally strong version. i forget the term my counselor used. One day last week I was experienceing the thought of being on top of a very tall pine tree, and i was at the pinnacle and this was what it was like to have PTSD. I htought to myself, this is PTSD
i was alone, no one could reach me
communication was unavailable to say the least
it was just an experience
a void surrounded me


but i experienced the silent solitude and was not afraid at all
i was not falling or being moved
i was calling out to my G-d
and was heard

it could be something else. i was just thinking about that it could be that. i was just thinking that, i had been weeping too. i was exhausted.

Well, the thing is, PTSD is very dissimilar from other mental health/neurodiversity/whatever because it's not something inherent, it's inflicted. I mean, it's like saying a broken leg is a disorder because you fell out of a tree. No, the leg is broken because it was broken. Cause and effect, because our bones bend and break. PTSD isn't diseased or disordered for the sake of disorder. It has a very real, practical purpose: surviving trauma. When you are being traumatized, your brain adapts to handle the constant state of stress and anxiety a traumatic situation brings. It's only after the trauma ends and you come back down to yourself that you start having problems. The way your brain adapted no longer suits the reality around you, so things glitch out.

^And therein lies the problem, its not healthy to be in that state when not in a dangerous situation....the body is only designed to be in that kind of state of hyper-arousal for so long, problem with PTSD is it persists and things that aren't actually dangerous can set it off due to being triggering. But yeah at least in my case I even get physical exhaustion because being in an on edge state so often is physically draining.

Also fight or flight response is the thing that is supposed to have you survive trauma/dangerous situations....that is not PTSD, PTSD only refers to the issues that occur after the fact. Fight or flight has a practical purpose, PTSD does not.......PTSD is litterally a result of being put under too much stress to handle so in a sense your brain breaks under the pressure....sure it doesn't totally break to the point you can't use it but it certainly does not function as well.