7 Things not to say to someone with Anxiety

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I thought this was interesting, and for the most part it is correct. Especially the first one.

The most maddening thing is when someone tells you to stop worrying or stop sweating the small stuff, when what you are undertaking is the organizing of an event that has a lot of details -- and you are not sweating the small stuff, you are just doing your job.

Link:
7 Things not to say to someone with anxiety.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/1 ... 81182.html

Thanks for the link.

-Whenever I was anxious, worried, or upset about something I have no control over (like when Hurricane Juan hit Halifax I became very anxious that a terrible hurricane would strike where I live next) and told my mother about it, her number one reply was "You're blowing everything way out of proportion" She may have well just poked me in the eye with a sharp stick, and soon I was afraid to tell her anything that was bothering me. She's gotten better recently, though.

-The problem with not sweating the small stuff is that then it has the tendency to grow into the really big stuff, which is what really terrifies me and seems to be the only one who does.

-Just reading the article made me more anxious. It reminds me once more how we're living in such anxiety-inducing times, and the thumbnails mentioning things like a high increase in thyroid cancer and dangerous chemicals in our food, is done with no irony at all.

Just from personal experience, I've found it incredibly maddening when people tell me to "stop worrying so much" or to "just calm down", like it's something I can just do, a switch I can just flip. The thing I don't understand is, how can anyone control their emotions to such an extent that they can instantly make themselves quit feeling anxious? I know I can't, hence the reason I have anxiety issues.

I don't feel anxious because I want to be anxious, it just happens, and I can't directly control it. The best I can do is try to influence it indirectly, often by removing myself from whatever situation it is that's stressing me out and placing myself in a different situation, or by distracting myself and focusing my thoughts on something else.

Another thing I've found, while alcohol can work for dealing with minor social anxiety and lowering one's inhibitions, ultimately, at least for me it does almost nothing for actually making myself feel less anxious about "bigger" things. The sensation of drunkenness however is sometimes pleasurable enough that I can focus my attention on it rather than my stressors, but it's rather rare that I can do this, and normally I only enjoy drinking and becoming intoxicated when I am already in a "comfortable", carefree situation.

A friend of mine, who has a calm, "normal" disposition and NOTHING seems to upset him, does this a lot to me, telling me "You shouldn't let things bother you so much." Like it's a switch I can just flip. Or like I can just be exactly like him, because if he finds it easy to be that way, then anyone who doesn't just isn't trying, or something. It's infuriating, and it's a really ignorant belief on the part of that person.

My friend said that "everyone has anxiety", as if I didn't know that, I obviously have worse anxiety than the majority around me though!

Another one I don't like was said above, "you're taking things out of proportion". My parents say that one to me ALL THE TIME.

Basically I just hate when people try to persuade me out of my anxiety.

Made worse by the fact that we have anxiety the temporary feeling, and anxiety the disorder.

Good point, I think people get those confused. There's the EMOTION anxiety, and the DISORDER anxiety. Big difference between the two.

I know, right? I've run into this situation a lot, mainly with my more "NT" friends, and whenever I try explaining it to them, they just don't seem to get it. Some of my relatives understand a little bit better, since my dad's side of the family in particular has a history of mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, ADD, and OCD.

It's like those people think someone with a disorder, condition -- or even just anxiety within that moment -- can do something to just instantly stop it or change it. Like when people who have never experienced depression tell a depressed person that all they need to do is "Snap out of it."

It's all a deep failure to understand the nature of these things in the brain of the sufferer. There needs to be a lot more education out there for those who don't get it -- but they are exactly the ones for whom the information is not something that catches their attention as it's not something in their own experience.

I agree with most of those...except the one pertaining to having a drink to take your mind off it. I don't mind if someone says that, sometimes having a drink with someone is enough for that moment. If I was having a full on panic attack, then it wouldn't be helpful at all, but if I was just anxious over something I can't really do anything about that day for instance then yeah having a drink is nice...anything that can provide a little distraction is. I however recognize that is only temporary I know full well getting dependent on alcohol doesn't help anything.

It makes me angry when people tell me to calm down...when I am anxious since they usually when they say that I feel I do have pretty good control over my worry....its like I get slightly anxious and maybe come off that way so when they say that it makes me feel like they're accusing me of totally freaking out when maybe I just say something in a more anxious manner and start fidgeting a bit. I guess it makes me more anxious because then I also get worried I am much less calm than I think I am and worry that I'll have a major panic attack or something.

I've long suspected that my mother has PTSD from a car accident she was in back in 1995, as well as social anxiety issues dating back to her childhood, yet she's never been a big believer in psychiatric conditions, and when I started having problems with depression and anxiety in my early teens, she seemingly had a hard time "getting it". I wasn't quite sure what my problems were at first either (besides AS, but I was diagnosed with that back when I was 6), so when she finally took me to see a psychologist you know what he thought it was? ADD. While I probably have a few symptoms of it, I don't think that's what I was actually having trouble with at the time.

That's a good list!

If I knew how not to feel anxious about something, like fluorescent lighting, I would have done so by now.

This is what I'm tempted to say.

My favorite for mental health problems is, "See a therapist." When the person hasn't stated that they aren't, because therapy will immediately cure them and they'll never need to ask for help or talk to others about what they're experiencing.

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. I think I'm going to bring this argument up the next time someone tells me "don't be so anxious" or "calm down" or "relax".