Losing it... What do I have?

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Hi, don't know if anyone is gonna remember me but I used to hang around on here quite a bit. Well, I'm back for a while now and once again, I'm confused. A lot of weird stuff is happening in my head, and I want some outside perspective on what it could be. I know that the best person to speak to is my GP, but I just wanted some non-clinical opinions on it.

Basically, over the past few years, I've been feeling like I'm slowly losing my mind, piece-by-piece. Lately it's spiraled out of control somewhat. My temper is getting shorter, and when I lose it I say and do stupid things that I massively regret. I can attribute some of this to ADHD, but I wasn't aware that the symptoms got worse like they are with me. I keep having weird, intrusive thoughts and impulses, like to break something, or to shout at people, or hurt myself, and thoughts like I'm always going to fail and that everyone thinks I'm stupid and hates me. Normally I can control the impulses, but recently it led to me overdosing. I still don't know what I hoped to achieve with that... I have near-constant anxiety. I have depressive, lethargic periods where I don't want to do anything and hyper, impulsive periods where I overspend and take ridiculous risks, but from what I've read the periods are too short to be related to BPD. I'm getting mild hallucinations a lot which I know aren't real - they're more like the hallucinations you get when you haven't slept for a long time, like mild swirling patterns everywhere and shadows in my peripheral vision. I tend to think the shadows are people for a split second, then realise they're hallucinations when I look over at them. The worst bit is the delusions, though. I've always been paranoid - no doubt a result of endless childhood bullying by pupils and teachers alike - but these are worse. I thought someone I used to be friends with was trying to kill me recently, just before I took the overdose. I sometimes think that everyone hates me and deliberately tries to hinder me at every turn.

So yeah, that's what's on/in my mind. Has anyone experienced anything similar before? Has anyone had an official diagnosis from symptoms like this? Any help would be very much appreciated

The best person to speak to is not your GP, but a psychiatrist. You say "stuff is happening" in your head and a psychiatrist should be able to figure out what causes it.

From what you describe, you seem to have manic and depressed phases, so bipolar disorder (manic depression) might be a possible explanation, but from my limited knowledge of it schizophrenia might also be a possibility.

Yeah, I did consider bipolar but I think the episodes are too short. Schizophrenia is a possibility, but it seems too mild.

Any other suggestions? Come on guys, I need some answers here

It sounds like it could be Schizophrenia, or you said you suspected Bipolar but with shorter episodes?

I don't know too much about Bipolar, more of a schizo person myself, but my parents have worked with people who suffer from something called Rapid-cycling Bipolar. It's pretty rare, but someone has to have it. Basically, you can switch from depressive and manic really fast. Sometimes several times during the same day.

In any case, I would advise speaking with a psychiatrist and at least ruling out Bipolar and Schizophrenia.

Hope this helps.

You really need to see a doctor about this. We are not qualified to diagnose you. I recommend a psychiatrist over a GP, at least for the initial diagnosis.

It could also be Borderline. That comes to mind when you mention the OD, wanting to hurt yourself, fast mood swings, impulses, and the fact that you know the hallucinations aren't real. At least, that's what one IP psychiatrist once told me (I only know mine aren't real when I'm on antipsychotics... that doc was a bit of a quack) Anyway, I'm not a doctor, so I can't diagnose. Good luck finding your diagnosis.

I just looked up the symptoms of borderline personality disorder and it really seems to fit. The trouble now is, how can I get a doctor to take me seriously and not ignore my symptoms? Every time I've mentioned seeing things etc in the past it's been ignored and I just get diagnosed with depression. Anyone got any tips to make the doctor take me seriously?

You can cycle rapidly with bipolar disorder.
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageSer ... id_cycling

Eh? No, I just keep them

Yeah, why?

That doesn't sound much like me. I was a little s**t when I was younger, but that was mostly not understanding the difference between teasing and being picked on. I'm so confused now. Nothing seems to quite fit. It's possible that the seeing things part is actually down to migraines. Or maybe I have a brain tumour. Who knows...

Anyway, I'm going to the doctors on Monday. Hopefully I'll get some answers