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DevilKisses
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07 Feb 2016, 4:58 am

I started taking metronidazole a few days ago for an infection. I also googled optometrist salary just for s**ts and giggles. That suddenly made me want to become an optometrist. Optometry has been a lifelong obsession for me. I decided against being one because the schooling sounded too hard for me. I have very bad depression. I pretty much have no motivation to get out of bed most of the time.

There's no way I can handle going to full time university. For two days I thought I could. I could actually get out of bed and do things. I've also noticed I've been crying a lot because of emotions. Mainly because I'm remembering how a teacher I had mocked my interest in optometry and math. Ever since that happened I now get embarrassed about my interests.

I've also been writing way longer posts than normal. I've heard that's a sign of hypomania. I've definitely been having racing thoughts about studying to become an optometrist. I haven't been able to sleep very well. I've had racing thoughts about other stuff. I've been feeling very happy, but also very anxious. I read some conspiracy theories for fun. I normally just find them amusing and dismiss them as BS. This time I'm actually getting very anxious about them despite me knowing they're stupid. I'm scared that's a sign I'm having hypomania. I've had hypomania like episodes in the past. I also remember one psychiatrist thought I had bipolar when I was twelve.

I also had similar hypomanic episodes related to playing accordion. I once thought I composed a genius piece. I posted a video of myself playing it. Turns out I was just going crazy. It wasn't a very good piece and I deleted it. After that incident I've lost a lot of confidence in my composing abilities.

Whatever these episodes are. I hate them. I feel extremely good and happy at first, but then I realize I've gone crazy and feel extremely crappy.


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You are very likely neurotypical


Ashariel
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07 Feb 2016, 8:56 am

Sounds like it to me. You get to know the signs, and then you just have to rein yourself in, and remind yourself that ideas that seem good right now, might not be realistic in the long run.

I've found with bipolar that "the higher you fly, the harder you fall" - and if you can manage to keep your feet on the ground during hypomanic episodes, then the depressions that follow aren't nearly so bad.



DevilKisses
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07 Feb 2016, 11:43 am

Ashariel wrote:
Sounds like it to me. You get to know the signs, and then you just have to rein yourself in, and remind yourself that ideas that seem good right now, might not be realistic in the long run.

I've found with bipolar that "the higher you fly, the harder you fall" - and if you can manage to keep your feet on the ground during hypomanic episodes, then the depressions that follow aren't nearly so bad.

I definitely remember that I once flew super high, so I ended up falling super low. The fall was way worse than my regular depression.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical


DevilKisses
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09 Feb 2016, 10:45 am

I've calmed down. Not sure if this means I'm depressed again. I was probably just super excited. I didn't come crashing down like last time. At the peak of things my mind was moving so fast I couldn't keep up with things. It wasn't too good for actually getting anything done. Now I can calm down and focus again. For a while when I was excited it looked like my convergence insufficiency was gone. It seems to have returned.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical