passing and transient obsessions

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Hi there.

I'm wondering if anyone else besides me has experienced what I, at least call passing or transient obsessions. It's when I become so preoccupied with that subject that it kind of changes who I am for a while and is embarrassing when it's through. My most recent obsession was cross-dressing. I've had other obsessions including; goth, tools, public nudity/naturism, piercing, cleaning...

I really wish that when I get them, I get the ones that can provide some kind of benefit like cleaning or yard care.

The cross-dressing one was especially embarrassing. I even made a video of me with water-filled balloons under my tank top to simulate the look of having large breasts. I filmed myself with the video camera and posted it for all the world to see. I'm still trying to live it down.

So anyway, got any tips with regards to the primary question which is; "for those who experience passing obsessions, how do you deal with them and keep a rein on them?"

Thanks.

My dad invented a special word for this when he noticed me doing it as a child: b'zik

None of mine have been too embarrassing and so far I've never had to try to cover it up or live it down. I wouldn't be surprised if that happens at some time later, though. I think you might be ok so long as you remember not to post anything online about it when it happens.

ORIGINALLY COMPOSED AS A PRIVATE MESSAGE, I DON'T THINK IT GOT THROUGH. PLUS, I'M NOT GOING TOO LIE, I WORKED HARD AND WANT CREDIT FOR MY WRITING.

Don't sweat it brother, plenty of people stuff their bra. My name's Ben by the way. feel free to check out my profile.

In response to your quire, I have the following contributions. I've taken to "skipping" to the top of the list, i.e. foregoing the chain of comments as there

are a number of protocols and nuances to how folks communicate in forums in general, and I assume in this forum in particular. "This IS my first rodeo",

hence the call for assumption, and any fopaux I may in advertently commit. For instance, my statements can tend to be a bit extensive and dare I say a

good bit wordy. Also I'm not sure if its even okay to be messaging anyone directly without invitation, or if this is the correct channel by which to do so. I

suppose the connection between the fact that I'm doing precisely what I've just claimed to doubt my judgement over, is a perfect segue back to the

lecture at hand.

I haven't come to this through tactical logic, or mix and matching advice I've heard, but rather, this has always felt like intuition or spirit revelation if you

will. I live my life by a collection of principal derived from or directed by these revelations. The first one that I can recall came to me while I was standing

in front of my door at a very young age. I remember clearly reaching for the door knob at about shoulder level.

This frame of knowledge I had seemed to "download" from out of the light, was in the simple phrase: "Always allow for the possibility that you are

dead-wrong". If there's any greater piece of wisdom with which to accommodate further wisdom, I have not thought of it and it has not come to me yet.

This one I did happen to verify in my research and I want to take the time to pass it along to you because it is the most perfect answer to the question

that seems to be bothering you that I know of, so please do take this moment to consider with an open mind what I'm about to share with you.

People exist in a universe of what is essentially a fractal of toroidal-helical energy. You can see it in the emergence of phi through the fibonacci sequence

that permeates the physical form of all living things in the universe, in the eye of a hurricane, or the arms of a spiral galaxy like our very own Milky Way.

Out of this order emerges also the patterns of our very own consciousness, so hence the structure of our minds, so hence the way we process

information, so hence the way we think, so hence tho way we behave.

Though we are all tethered to the elements and order of this unfolding, as a function of remaining tethered to these bodies which is intern a function of

remaining tethered to this "octave" of the energetic fractal. But, plenty of people have learned to or are simply wire to wield the currents of their

consciousness at a different scale, octave or different tuning all together.

If you learn to think of it this way when you consider the mind of a person, you will begin to understand and recognize the patterns there individual

actions and choices are scaffolded by.

Most people have figured out to one degree or another, down to one layer or another, within themselves and by proxy their young children, peers, and

neighbors as well, to implement the structure to which we are in our societies being indoctrinated. Other's find the axis of their personal set of trade-offs

to be quite out of their control to place quite so neatly within the greater pattern of their culture.

We should all be so lucky. I for example, feel I am very much capable of conforming. In some seasons to a greater degree that in others, but the older

I've gotten, or rather, the more I've learned and expanded my mind with the time I've had to be and have been, alive, the more ways to be like

everybody else, I've been introduced to and even witnessed quite intimately. But there's still so few way to be me by comparison. This has additionally

made it emotionally burdensome to continue to make the choice to be me, despite the costs to my social and by proxy material, in other words,

professional well being.

As the English say though, "It does all sort it self out then, does it not?" "Of course there's been a happy ending", this saying says to me, "We're all still

here, aren't we"?

Well, some more than other's. If you can make the circle of your life functions into a square, You're on the right track. If you can then build that square

neatly in alignment with the person in front of and behind and to either side of, on top of and beneath you, than you're in the race. If you can then build

upon your north facing wall while everybody else is building upon their north facing wall, than you are part of the pack. If you can turn your north-east

corner in step with the rest of us, than congratulations, you may just get to retire someday. If you can prove yourself to be a marching fool, we may just

want you to show other people how to get it right, who aren't doing it so well. And of course we'll make it worth your while. We're going to move you

up so now you can build on each of your walls twice as high as the people below you. If you can keep at it long enough and complete a safe little box

around you, then you can bring your box over here and add it to our building. Add your boxes to the building, if you can keep at it, we let you know

what it is we are building. Now that you know what we are building, If you keep at it, one day we may let you inside.

What you find out inside is this: that this, and some drugs, and some movies, and some sex, is what most people believe constitutes a life, because that's

what was presented to them as the truth, and its a lie.

The kit we are given as we pass through the gates we must, to enter that reality, is missing a vital piece of what you need to experience life. And that

piece is inside of you. It always has been. It cannot be taken from you. You cannot give it away. You cannot sell it. You cannot set it down somewhere

and lose it. You cannot burn it or break it. All you can do with it is use it or not use, share it or not share it.

Some of us started using and sharing it before we were even shown the direction the gate was in, let alone introduced to the idea that we were one day

going to have to walk through it, get to the other side, and stay there until we die or something kills us. And when those of us doing that make it through

the gate, there is conflict, and this conflict leaves us with one of two choices. Either the busy box builders figure out how to accommodate the guy who

seems to have lost his kit, or we make the new guy figure out how to get on without it.

When I started I mentioned that I had "taken to" responding through this channel. One might consider this a misuse of this expression, when he discovers

that this is the first time I've done it, and that it furthermore could be the last. This gets to the crux of my point. There was a time when a persons trying to

switch careers of his own volition would have prompted concern from a doctor. A woman switching to a short haircut is still considered a warning sign

for mental instability. I have come to understand that stability is a failed experiment, that life is an experimentation lab, and that living well means being

willing to experiment.

The only pointless experiments are the ones that are never performed, and the ones that despite having taught us nothing keep continuing to be

performed.

Stepping into the metaphor from a different angle, if a mason building a house were to complete the north facing wall, before starting the other walls, he

would end up with a very misshapen house, a very short house, or the walls would just keep falling and he'd have no house at all. On the other hand, a

mason who lays only one row of bricks at a time as he goes around the structure, will be building way slower than he could be, no matter how big or

small the construction.

Society is made up primarily of people who, for the sake of being accepted by the collective, have erred on the side of the crooked structure, because,

moving the mortar pallet, and a pile of bricks to the next station takes time and energy and is disruptive. They also choose the shape and material of their

structure to suit society and more importantly, its expectations.

To break away from the metaphor, the patterns people choose to make in the forging of their identity and experience, are picked because they represent

their personal understanding of where and how to draw the balance between personal and societal demands. From what you've shared in the post I've

seen, you feel a disparity between you're actions and where you psycho-emotionally draw your line of balance, and as well you feel your actions exceed

and or fall short of what you feel to be in the interest of either yourself, society or your standing in it.

So what I'll ask you to consider, is this: The feeling of imbalance may be better addressed through an adjustment of your self-assessment, rather than an

adjustment in your behavior. The important thing is to know from which layer of your consciousness does this negative assessment comes forth. And

upon which layer of your consciousness is this pattern of behavior conceived.

The closer you are to identifying with your core consciousness, the greater accommodated your spiritual needs, and the less accommodated your social

and by proxy your material needs, while intellectual needs will flounder in just about he middle. The closer you are to identifying with your thinking,

training and habituability, the less accommodated your spiritual, and the more accommodated your social and by proxy material needs, with intellectual

needs again settling roughly midway.

What a wise person understands is that experiencing life, means fully embracing your whole identity. This wisdom is inside each of us waiting to be

remembered. You hold the key to your own happiness. It is up to you to define and embrace what makes you happy. You can only know this and have

the courage to enact it by first working your way down through the layers of yourself and then, like tucking your fingers into a pair of new gloves,

animate and fill the layers of yourself one by one with will towards your true direction.

If I should venture a guess, I'd say that part of the answer is that you need to tone down the behavior a bit so that people aren't scared off. Part of it is

that you need to look for people who aren't scared off, even as you struggle through working out who you really are. Part of it is that you need to

identify what's motivating you so that you can get up under it with some thoughtfulness and will power, i.e. intention. Part of it is that you have too much

wasted freedom and not enough responsibility to others. Part of it is that you haven't figured out how to keep the value of abandoned obsessions, and

therefore feel like you aren't building toward anything meaningful. And part of it is that you haven't been able to relate to vantage points where this is all

pretty funny and you're allowed to just relax and enjoy the process.

I truly and honestly wish for the best for you my brother. I have rendered a life and a sense of identity that looks to all the world to be a terrible waste of

time effort and potential, but that's just because there's so few places for this structure to fit in. To me it looks like I'm bravely pursuing the realization of

a new way of achieving fulfillment that, succeed or fail, gives and will have given my life meaning and purpose.

The vision that sets my choices in motion is one that embraces the value of spiritual experiences, myself as a spiritual being, as well as everything else that

life has to offer and that I have to offer in life. Monk, athlete, adventurer, inventor, writer, teacher, chef, entrepeneur, artist, politician, scientist,

philosopher; to the world I am none of these things, to myself I am all of them.

Try to identify in the seeming chaos, the pattern that represents the inner you. In my cycle I have times when I need to address my professional identity for the sake of my security, but also need to address my spiritual identity for the sake of me mental well being. So I find myself a job in activism where I can get paid to address the needs of others, and my soul is satisfied. Other times I need to be creative and expressive, but have allowed too much pressure to build in my spirit to write poetry that makes any sense. Then I know its time to go dancing, or find a girl to make love to.

I came to this much balance through a willingness to try anything, and the humility to acknowledge both when I was learning something new, and when I was pretending and just repeating a lesson in favor of braving the next one.
Of course I sleep, eat, work and play, I shovel snow plant gardens, go to the beach, and rake leaves, I step out of one school as a senior, and enter the next as a freshman, but the cycle of my life where I truly live through, is the shedding of fears and ignorance, and the embrace of Love and understanding.

Good luck finding your way, and good courage walking it!

Thanks for letting me share!

WOW IS THAT NOT HOW I FORMATTED THAT LAST POST!! !