My Schizophrenic Experience

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I started coming down with Schizophrenia during my sophomore year of college. Before I contracted psychosis, I had SEVERE Social Anxiety Disorder. I first started developing SAD at the end of eighth grade, and it gradually became worse and worse through High School. Anyway, back to the title of this thread. Just before my sophomore year of college, I had read an Anthony Robbins book, entitled, "Awaken the Giant Within", upon my Mother's recommendation. So I read maybe the first twenty pages or so, and then I decided that I already knew what the entire book was about. In fact, I had that notion just from looking at the front cover of the book; it had a picture of a confident, successful, fulfilled, and happy author. It was inspiring. I remember thinking to myself, "Oh look, Mr. Success". But I decided to "give it a try". So I decided to start making changes in my life. However, this was without doing what my Mother actually recommended that I do: keep reading the book until I finish it from front to back. I did not listen; I decided I already "knew" what the book was about. And to this day I still hold that opinion. So anyway, I started making changes in my life: I decided to work on my academics more, go to the gym more, change the way I hold myself when I walk, etc. However, I also developed some behaviors that others found quite odd. I would make random body movements, and I developed some simple and complex tics. When I came home from college, I was making extremely bizarre and scary facial gestures and movements; I looked like a "mannequin", as my Mother described. I went to see the family physician, but he said that I was "fine". This is why my parents did not bring me to a psychiatrist right then and there. They even asked me if I wanted to go back to college, but I told them yes. By the time my sophomore year had ended for me, I was clearly going into full-fledged psychosis. I began fasting during the week of my final exams. I spoke with my Father over the phone, and I recall telling him that I "would be too weak" to take my finals. He asked why, and I told him I was fasting. He then told me that he was coming to pick me up and bring me home. So I packed up my possessions and waited for him to arrive. I was also quite delusional and delirious. So he arrived and we brought my luggage out to the car. On the way home, while I was still fasting, I remember being "tempted" to eat food via messages over the car radio. I told myself that these were "temptations from the devil", and resisted the urges to eat. After we arrived at my parents' house, we unpacked the car, and I went to bed. (I had began my fast on a Wednesday morning and aborted it on Saturday evening, upon my parents' urging to eat). After that fast, my parents were extremely concerned about me. They brought me to a psychotherapist, who conducted an initial evaluation session with us. He also told us about NeuroFeedback, so I agreed to try it. What I found out about my brain was that I was using the delta waves while I was awake. The delta waves are brain waves that people normally use while they are in a deep sleep. So after that EEG session, I had decided I "do not need to do that anymore", and that I was fully aware of what I "needed to do". After terminating any subsequent sessions with the psychotherapist, I was spiraling, just as the psychotherapist had told my parents and I during the initial session with him. So I began to progress further into my psychosis. I was fasting, reading the Bible, sitting outside, and spending more time outdoors in general. I told my parents that I did not want to go back to school because I "did not need to". I was spending time on "more important things". In that same month, my parents then brought me to a social worker, who evaluated me and referred me to the psychiatrist. So my parents brought me to the psychiatrist. He diagnosed me as being "in the beginning stages of psychosis". In my opinion, I was already well past the beginning stages of psychosis. He told my parents that he was not sure what would work for me because of the severity of my mental illness. Upon my Mother's questioning, he then said, "Well, there's family therapy, but I'm not sure if even that will work." The type of family therapy he was talking about included the grandparents. And he promised that it would cure me. He also said that I was a "severe case", which would require twelve to eighteen three-hour three-generational family therapy sessions; with at least one month in between each session. So we conducted three-generational family therapy sessions for about two and half years. One of the things that came out during those sessions was my Father telling the psychiatrist that I had gone psychotic the day I had moved into the on-campus apartment. He said that when he looked at me, my eyes were "wide open". He told the psychiatrist that I had "snapped" that very day. He then said that the reason why he did not bring me back home that day was because maybe it was just my way of making eye contact; he was not sure what to do. He even said that had he brought me home that day, and if I had never gone psychotic, perhaps he would have been wondering if maybe he should have let me continue my schooling. Many other things were talked about during those sessions. I believe those sessions were extremely therapeutic for me. They did not cure me, however. I am still having symptoms of Psychosis. I am on medication, though. The psychiatrist who conducted those sessions with my family and I said that I needed to be on the medication because it served as the metaphorical "cast". The medication kept me stable while the three-generational family therapy sessions did the healing. And I believe that they were working, too. However, they did not start to be therapeutic for me until the tenth session we conducted with the psychiatrist / family therapist. My family and I conducted twelve sessions with the psychiatrist / family therapist, and four sessions without him. And here I am, twelve years later, and I am still Schizophrenic / Psychotic.