ASD & depression. Bipolar? or something else? Help!

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Helloooo,
So I will get straight to the point;
My name is Joanne, I am 20 years old and I was diagnosed at 18 with ASDs.
I am currently on anti-depressants for depression but they do not help me one bit… I have some "emotional issues" that have affected my life considerably over the years but as I get older they just seem to be making my ever changing life more difficult. (Getting and keeping a job or relationship for example)
And i am in a very bad place at the moment.

I would like some pointers, advice, and help..as I’m not sure if a lot of these problems are because of my autism or if it’s something else.
Below I will list the main ones for those who would like to take a look for me. But I warn you it is quite a long list.
Thank you!

When I feel bad (like 95% of the days in a month)
1. I often oversleep because I struggle to force myself to get out of bed in the morning.
2. I always feel tired. Always. No matter how I feel.
3. I sometimes can’t bring myself to do normal things like look after myself properly. Ie. shower, make-up, make meals and drinks.
4. I often get angry and irritated by stupid stuff, sometimes so bad I want to hurt people or myself.
5. I often binge eat on food that is bad for me, usually making me spend money I do not have or making me borrow money from my mum and dad.
6. I also go through moments where I stop eating and I feel my eating problem coming back because I have gained a lot of weight in the last year.
7. I feel guilty, worthless and selfish for being such a pain on my family and boyfriend and for them having to put up with me all the time.
- I also can be quite manipulative and verbal when I get angry.
8. My boyfriend and family say they feel like they have to watch what they say to me because I might get angry or upset.
9. Nearly every day I have thoughts about suicide or self harm. Even though I know I shouldn’t be thinking like that. It just is there. It feels like the bad thoughts are being put in my brain somehow. Like I’ve got a TV in my brain where bad videos of me hurting myself are shown at random ass times.
10. I do Sometimes self harm. (cutting/bang head/punch legs/bite)
11. Sometimes I forget things easily and feel like I am in slow motion.
12. Because of the way I feel I struggle to do things I know I should like go to college or up for a job or do homework which makes me miss out on a lot and not be able to do those normal things easily.

I do get meltdowns and shutdowns due to certain things as well but I can tell the difference between those and me just totally losing it once a month in a rage.

Sometimes I will get breaks in feeling this way… maybe for a couple of hours in a day or a few days in a week a month where I am feeling this strange sense of joy and happiness and like I have loads more energy and I start doing new projects and doing things I have missed when feeling down.

When I feel like this i feel like I don’t need food and that my already fast thought process goes into overdrive a bit like a super-fast washing machine.
I also don’t feel tired or like I could sleep.
And i also tend to get a bit over excited and start messing around with my sister or boyfriend or whoever... like wrestling or play fighting or dancing to the point where they tell me to stop. that ive gone to far, or hurt them, or got to excited. And it’s like I'm on a weird happy high?

Although I do not feel like this that often or for long periods of time.. more a few hours here and there or a couple of days a month.
I always feel really deflated after like everything has just dropped and like something terrible has just happened with no warning. And sometimes when I do feel like this I still feel this weird happy angry, like I have energy and want to do loads of things but also feel like I could rage.

Regardless of how I feel I always HAVE to say or do these things every night or something bad will happen to the people I love
• I have to turn all electric switches off before I go to bed or my family will die in a fire.
• I have to make sure I tell my boyfriend to drive safe in the morning or he will crash.
• I have to say the “Take alfie (My dog) and his drink up the stairs, lock all the doors and turn everything off” sentence to my mum before she goes to bed. Or something terrible will happen to them all.

I do have bad anxiety every day regardless of emotions but these ones are uncontrollable.
I am confused as to why I have pretty much always felt like this and it sucks.
So any help will be appreciated.

I don't have a clue if any of this makes sense to you guys but...
Thank you

This sounds exactly like me and the way I have been all of my life since birth. They diagnosed me with bipolar disorder but if ASD can explain all of that I would be interested to know. The DSM didn't separate Autism from Schizophrenia until 1980 and I was fifteen by then. My school had already decided that I just didn't care not even noticing how hard I was struggling.

I am currently taking meds for Bipolar I Disorder but have a lot of Autistic traits that they just overlook because it confuses them. Kinda like TV police looking for a culprit rather than the culprit.

I'm interested to see other more helpful comments than mine. I'm sorry that I couldn't be more helpful.

Hello Marduk1965 -
I've got a GPs appointment tomorrow to discuss all of the above (I've written it down as I get a bit flustered when in those situations)

And I'll let you know how it all goes and what they say!
It is interesting that you relate to them all so well and have been diagnosed as bipolar but have only traits of ASD.

I'm hoping I can get some help and support as soon as possible from my doctor but I doubt it'll be quick.
But I too would be interested in seeing other people's comments on this! It would help quite a bit.

Bipolar's a possibility. Also OCD seems highly likely. I have OCD and I can say that my moods shift over time with it, although maybe not quite to the extent yours do. But I do go through periods of intense depression, followed usually by times where I feel much better, am able to exercise, diet well, and get to work without issue.

Just to update you all;
I visited my GP and she has referred me to psychiatrist as she thinks I may be bipolar along with OCD.
I'm a little scared but we will see what happens.

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder it was a big relief. There is help when they know what the problem is. Everything will be fine.

It sounds like you have symptoms of schizophrenia and OCD

I found this today. It may help or it may through even more confusion in but I really hope it helps.
https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/2014/ ... r-disorder