My Life...

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Well,

I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder with comorbid depressive disorder. I was diagnosed by a student clinic, though, and I could just as easily have anything else that mimics autism, like schizotypical personality disorder. I have people with a history of Autism on one side of the family and people with Bi-Polar and Schizophrenia on the other. I wonder. Lately, I've been having severe anxiety attacks. They threaten to mess up my life. The fear is so strong that I don't know what happened and sometimes feel compelled to go and do things that my mind tells me I need to do to feel better. I feel delusional at times, but I don't hear voices or anything. I just feel a lot of very strong fear and have to do certain things to keep it from getting worse. It's a wonder I can hold down a job with this extreme OCD-like malady, but I've succeeded so far.

I also have severe anxiety. What sorts of things do you feel you have to do in order to feel better?

It depends. Sometimes I talk to myself to try to calm myself down. Other times, I give in to whatever I'm afraid I need to do. It might involve going to a certain place, talking to certain people, cleaning things, or any of several small habits carried to the extreme. Other times, I try to involve other senses to get my mind off of it. I might hit myself, scream, scratch, or intentionally wet my pants (if I'm alone) just to get my mind to focus on more pleasant things and stop thinking about it.

The pants wetting thing is a weird habit that I guess I don't want to talk about. It's certainly not something I would like to share with anyone who knows me, but it is a way to get another kind of stimulation other than the anxiety. I do have trouble concentrating on fear when I'm dealing with other parts of my body, but this particular habit usually elicits guilt, and that, in turn, leads to more anxiety, eventually. I do at least feel relief temporarily.

It's ok to wet your pants. You're not hurting anyone and I assume you do your own laundry. I pee my pants sometimes, but not on purpose I just have bladder spasms. I don't think any of your coping mechanisms are hurting anyone so basically it's all ok.

I wish I could tell you things would work out and would get better ,but odds are against you.


Now you know whats wrong with you the best you can do is try to observe your behavior and try to correct it the best you can and know your limits but still try to push them.

Have you tried any anxiety medication?

I have tried anti-anxiety medication, but it made me feel very weird. I think it made me more jittery in a way. I didn't want to have to put up with the lack of clarity I was experiencing while on it.

I used to have severe anxiety but it was a phase. It is gone now.I have noticed that being with certain kinds of people or being in a certain kind of environment worsens my anxiety. Is it the same for you ? It is indeed praiseworthy that you are holding a job in spite of your severe anxiety. For me, a change of place/location helped me. Some environment/family situation/neighbourhoods/jobs are far more stressful than others. I hope that in the near future you can find a peaceful place where your anxiety may reduce. Aspies are more prone to stress and are overwhelmed easily because of their hypersensitivity and other kinds of over stimulation. But I have noticed that being in a peaceful place with peaceful/calm people helps and in such an environment, anxiety gets reduced. It happened with me. So, I hope you will also find some solution some day.

Depending on your level of self awareness you can learn to reduce your anxanxiety or eliminate it. Think about the cause of your anxiety. Why does it matter to you that the desired outcome comes to pass? If the desired outcome does not happen are the consequences really as severe as you think? Often people thend to exadurate this a lot.
Most often what people are anxious about are trifles that are of little consequence.
The amount of emotion you have invested in a certain outcome determines how much of an emotional reaction you will have if you will get.
Infact not much is worth worrying about unless they meet theese criterea.

Will you die?
Will you loose somthing of substancial value?

Ok the first criterea.
yes you're going to die, but most likely not for a long time. Most injuries that seem bad are rarely fatal. I have accepted that fact and in doing so I have found emense freedom since I can live life without fear of death.

As for somthing of substancial value, this depends on how much value you place on that thing. Learn to ditatch yourself from things and given outcomes.

I'm guessing you tried a benzodiazepine. You could try antidepressants which sometimes help anxiety too. But I would suggest Buspar which is only approved for the physical symptoms of anxiety & some like me found it helps with the mental as well. I haven't noticed any side-effects while on it. I also take Neurontin for my OCD thoughts & compulsions(the Buspar just helps the anxiety aspect) & Neurontin is a seizure medication so it should affect you differently than anxiety medication. I haven't noticed too many side-effects on it & they went away after abit.