Violent thoughts, curious of their origin.

Post Reply New Topic

Over the past 5 or so months, I've been having on-off thoughts about murdering people. Typically, these are very "personal", with me, say, strangling someone, beating them with something, or even a particularly intense shot with a weapon. I am torn on whether to call them "fantasies", because at times, it pleasures me to think about hurting someone, and how it might actually feel to act it out, ect. It isn't sexual, like necrophilia or rape fantasy or anything, usually just me killing/wounding someone. More rarely it can be about an animal, although like I said, this isn't so common.

It isn't obsessive per say, at least I don't believe it is, because if I want to I could just stop thinking about it. But, like I said, it gives a sort of pleasure, whether I'm in public or private. It doesn't torture me, really, but I am curious.

Also, I've been to a therapist, but it was several months ago, and it was during that time these thoughts really began to occur. I wouldn't tell her or my parents though, because I do not wants the police involved, or anything like that.
The sessions were for what my parents thought was depression. (I was/aren't depressed, not having feelings of despair, not suicidal.)

Just looking for the opinions of anyone, or maybe even someone who might know about this. Much appreciated, thanks!

Your post is very disturbing. I am going to regard it as sincere, though others may not. No-one here can possibly know what has happened in your past which has led to this psychological detour into imagined evil and horror: you report that it gives you pleasure to think about killing, hurting and wounding people and animals. On the basis of this, I think you need very experienced, confidential psychological help and as soon as possible. You have been brave enough to share this with us, repugnant though these thoughts are. If you don't seek help the thoughts may turn into urges that you act out. This would be a terrible progression, obviously for your innocent victims, but also for you. Because you would corrupt your soul, get off on the adrenaline rush that bullies do, and quite possibly become addicted to evil; also quite possibly end up incarcerated for a very long time. I can tell you where they are coming from: they are coming from you. Is there, or has there been, any experience of pleasure that is not harmful in your life to date? Or have you never felt pleasure until this? What has hurt you in the past that you now fantasise committing these truly terrible acts? What are you acting out in these fantasies? Do you feel like a powerless human being and they give you a brief thrill of power? You must get help. You must be honest and willing to engage in a healing process in the context of full disclosure and co-operation. Please. Before it is too late. How old are you? Do you own/have access to weapons? You need to give these to your parents to either dispose of or lock in a safe place. You need care, understanding, support and very skilled professional help. Ask your parents to find a psychotherapist fast. Please.

Do you want to act on these thoughts or fantasies?

There is a big difference between having these kind of thoughts and actually planning to go out beat someone up or murder.

Well, I am 16 years old. Im sorry if my post has disturbed you or anyone else, Im simply trying to understand myself. I am sincere, but I'm not currently planning any "attack" of sorts, I promise.

Good for you! In your current stage of life, (and from my long ago personal experience at being at that stage of life), it's common to feel powerless in the face of the demands and circumstances and powerlessness that go with being 16. Not a child, not an adult, that sandwich stage is full of really hard inner issues. Possibly these violent fantasies have been a psychological compensation for feelings of powerlessness and something happened which intensified these for you just before they began - eg being bullied or something like that could have been a trigger.

In the not too-far-distant future, power to determine your own life will be much more available, and I am talking about inner personal power to realise our potentials, not power over others.

The Haven is a great place to express painful issues of all kinds.

First off, I'd be VERY careful if I were you as to how openly you talk about this sorta stuff. We live in a climate where these things are taken hyper-seriously, even if you aren't serious about acting on these things. It's totally realistic that the authorities could be knocking on your door very soon. Im not even kidding. Be careful with that stuff on the internet. You think you're on some site no one will ever see, but all it takes is a moderator or other member to report you and they can trace things back to you very fast. Save yourself that trouble and be more discreet about the things you say in this regard.

I personally think many more people think like this than will ever admit it. Many of the people who recoil in horror at your words have had many of the same, or worse thoughts. This does not make them ok however.

I went through a similar phase around your age. I remember watching something about a soldier that he said killing someone changes something in you, and I got really curious what that was. I was more curious about the after-effect than the actual doing it. That was about 20 years ago. And other than one fight, I've never intentionally hurt any person or animal, and I generally dont think those things very often anymore unless someone really messes with me. Even then, my thoughts are more tame and have "matured" into simple destruction of property!

But don't take this lightly either. I say what I say to be reassuring, but you really gotta find out whats causing this. I know it sounds dumb, but if you play violent games, watch violent shows/movies, or listen to violent music, take a long break to clear that s**t out of your mind. What we entertain ourselves with can manipulate us in ways that few of us are even fully aware of.

Feel free to PM me if you would like to speak about this in greater detail. I'd be happy to share some of my experiences. None of which are illegal or involve any criminal activity of a violent nature. Just my journey with anger.

Good Luck my friend.

Wow, I don't know how to start, but first off I would like to state many people can offer you advise throughout your life, and you have the right to take that advise or leave it. I would like to apologize for some people you will come across in this life can be closed minded. Optimism strengthens as much as it weakens, but nothing is truly a weakness.

From what I understand, you have these thoughts and are scared that you might act upon them. For whatever it's worth everything has an reaction to an action... Ask yourself about the word consequences. Than search yourself and see what road you want to travel.

When fantasies rule ones life they can closely be a misunderstood as a delusion. Delusions are fantasys you think are real and obtainable through everyday life. My heart says you truly want help. I to truly want help.

When I have thoughts I think are weird I search of their origin as well. You have a long journey of life to live a head of you, so study, study, study... You have the World Wide Web. Meditate, study religions, practice mind conditioning on yourself, and breath. I'm sure whatever it is, it is not worth going to jail for. Life is to precious, and if you believe in Karma, know in the lives to come you could pay for what you did in this life.

I wish you the best wether you decide to take medication to control the chemistry of your brain or not. I do however suggest you try to stay mature, and strong through this. If you want these thoughts to go away it will take dedication.

I take medication and been taking since I was 19. I'm now 33. I tried it all, and all I can say to conclude this is "may the Force be with you". I fantasize about outer space to much, I think of extraterrestrials all the time, but I can't tell just anybody.

If I all the sudden had these thoughts and had to go through the process to get help, I would 1. Tell a Primary Care Physician (keep it simple they can Baker Act you) I'm having weird thoughts and only want to talk to a professional, please refer me to a psychologist. Than you don't have to go the hard way, like if you do react upon it one day. If the PCP still wants to know more, than say something along the lines of, please respect my boundaries, I want at least one apt. with a specialist.

Trust me its better to go in wilfully rather than unwillingly. They might start you heavily on medication, but after you try a few, find one, than you can lower your dose and twerk the level based on your symptoms. This takes a while. Good luck!