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daskalos
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30 Nov 2015, 4:22 pm

Does anyone ever been in a situation in which you were as honest as possible, but then afterwards, feel guilty, even though you know you tried to be honest? Are there any strategies for dealing with post-interview anxiety with wondering if you may have unintentionally fibbed somehow?

Honesty is very important to me, and I hate feeling guilty, wondering if I fibbed, when the reality is that I was very honest. In the past, this has tended to happen sometimes after I talk about how I feel or think.



justkillingtime
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30 Nov 2015, 11:17 pm

I do this frequently. My therapist says I am too critical of my interactions. I've noticed other people have miscommunications. I tell myself not all interactions are perfect. This is part of life.


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BirdInFlight
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01 Dec 2015, 12:42 pm

Oh, I'm one of those people who, while living a perfectly "upright citizen" life and knowing that my car is all up to date with inspection and insurance and whatever, STILL feels anxious and guilty if I'm driving along and a cop car passes by!

Somewhere I've read about other people saying they're like that too, it's pretty humorous.

You can be an honest person or have nothing to hide and still be the kind of person who feels like you've done something wrong, especially in the presence of authority figures like cops and things -- that's how I am! It's a pain in the rear and I know I'm being silly but yeah.



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05 Dec 2015, 6:39 am

daskalos wrote:
Are there any strategies for dealing with post-interview anxiety with wondering if you may have unintentionally fibbed somehow?


While it might be sometimes strategically better to pack your honesty into something that is easier to swallow for the other, also directly for achieving what one aims at with being honest (not to mention other goals), honesty and directness is never really bad - unless you have bad motivations. For people on the spectrum it is even less clear than for NTs that there are quite often some mixed motivations at place when one feels compelled to telling the truth to someone.

So the reasons for why you feel dishonest?

1. Because you realize that this was not the best way of putting it and achieving what you want. This is actually nothing to really worry about, even if the reaction of the other is not that good, your remarks might have some long-term beneficial effect on the person, or it helps you with finding a better way later.

2. Because you know somehow that there are, if not in this case, than quite often, impure motivations for your acts and words. So if the feeling of guilt is stronger in some cases than in others: trust it, and do some self-reflection, maybe with the help of something like a confession manual (I am not religious anymore, but the older I get the more I cherish some parts of my catholic upbringing, and this is one of them). This may help with gaining clarity on your motivations.



NerdyAnimeGirl
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28 Dec 2015, 7:49 am

OP, two parts of your post make me think you might not be being honest. One, your post title qualifies with 'very'. Very honest is less than completely honest. And two, when one is completely honest there is no questioning it. Like if I say 'I am human' I have no second thoughts about it because it is an obviously true honest statement. When you're honest you know it with 100% conviction. If you don't have 100% conviction you might be lying to yourself (rationalizing or in denial about something) or not telling the full truth to someone (a white lie is still a lie).


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nick007
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28 Dec 2015, 10:06 pm

I got in trouble some as a kid for being dishonest when I was actually honest; like someone doing something bad & blaming it on me. It caused me to sometimes doubt if I'm being honest in other situations.


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29 Dec 2015, 1:06 am

Systematically framing someone as a liar is a good way to gaslight them into doubting their own memories.


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