I just want to know whats wrong with me

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To put it simple, i don't know if i have aspergers there are definitely symptoms i show but othwr symptoms i lack. Im not asking for a diagnosis through a site because i know that'd be silly lol. But basically i feel so depressed especially learning about what aspergers is not really because i could potentially have it all that much but more of so that knowing my parents theres really no way i could get checked out then learn how to cope. I know im getting ahead of myself but i feel like it could explain why i hardly have friends and even those friendships are falling part because im horrible at keeping in touch and it hurts... Im extremely introvert never talk to anyone and got such bad anxiety and self image issues that during my senior year i finally just dropped out pf public high school and switches to online school. But thing is i was never really good in school either. If anything, i was horrible had trouble retaining information had to read a sebtence three times to realize what i was reading horrible hand writing that always made me more stressed having to redo assignments and cant forget my horrible orginization just stuffing every paper i have in my bag (and it seems if a lot of people with aspergers have above average intelligence from what i have read and i dont really seem to fit that) i actually feel so stupid and uncapable of learning that ive though about killing myself because the feeelings stress me out ao much but i know i just have to stop thinking like that. I also have an obsession with music and decades( in my opinion almost unhealthy) thats ALL i do all day is find and listen to music from whatever decade i feel like listening to (60s 70s 80s 90s 00s) and often love to go thrifting to find clothes that look like theyd be from those decades i used to do more 60s/70s 3 years ago now i like to do more 80s new wavish style. I feel like finding music is my only escape from anything i feel but i dont know anyone irl who spends as much time as me with music (online i do though) but something else i read is that people with aspergers have a hard time understanding when someones joking? Such as sarcasm? Ive always been able to understand sarcasm i feel and humor is something i love. But when it comes to my own tone, apparently ill come off as rude to my family even when i dont notice or trying to!! Its really annoying!! !! sorry for lack of puncuation btw, i was mostly typing as i was thinking. Id reqlly like some advice on what i could possibly do and if anyone can relate

To find out for certain, you would have to consult an appropriately-trained and licensed mental-health professional.

In my opinion, however, you may have something going on that may or may not be aspie-like.

Ask your parents.

Thanks but my fear is theyll just not care. Thats the difficult part. Theyre really old fashioned especially my mom who is not even from this country. I suspected i had adhd and would beg both parents to take me to the doctor but they pretty much have that "get over it" attitude