Unidentified Disorder, Can't Get SSD

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So I'm in a bit of a situation.

I have some kind of condition that has kept me from supporting myself as well as I'd like.

I'm diagnosed with depression, general anxiety disorder with PTSD-like symptoms (they won't call it PTSD because of ONE criteria that isn't met) and gender dysphoria. However, all three of these are alleviated somewhat by having successfully transitioned male to female.

What my transition hasn't touched is a neurodevelopmental disorder that seems to defy diagnosis. It's left me unemployed for five years after years of dead-end jobs caused me to have a psych breakdown in 2011 and it's always made keeping the jobs I get extremely difficult. Right now I'm surviving on handouts from family and the meager proceeds from four niche fiction novels.

Here's the relevant facts of my case:

*Significantly early and advanced linguistic development (speaking in sentences at 8 months).
*Sharp disparity between verbal and nonverbal IQ; my verbal IQ is near-genius but my nonverbal is in the low 80s.
*A severe and extreme dislike of routine. If I have to do the same thing every day for more than 3 days I get extremely irritable. It makes working very difficult because it involves making and maintaining routines.
*A lifelong mystic. I'm extremely well-versed in Eastern and Western mystical traditions.
*Moderate to severe misophonia and hyperacuity that leads to sensory overloads.
*No difficulties in communication, reading expressions, or empathizing with others.
*Poor motor skills that include dropping objects, bad coordination, and terrible handwriting.
*Speech impediments as a child.
*Dyscalculia. I'm absolutely terrible at math to the point where I can't do math in my head because 1s become 7s and 5s become 3s or 8s, and I tire easily and make a lot of mistakes from fatigue.
*Interests that are too broad to narrow down; I had a hard time choosing my major in college because my interests were so broad. I seem to have a lack of special interests (in the autistic sense) and I'm equally conversant in most topics related to the humanities.

I've been told by a number of reputable doctors (I have second and third opinions on this) that because I completely lack special interests, the need for constant repetition and routine, stimming behaviors, and the communications difficulties that I don't really fit on the autistic spectrum.

I've found a condition called "Nonverbal Learning Disorder" that sounds MUCH closer to what I'm experiencing, but I can't find a doctor who will diagnose me as an adult nor can I get on SSD because my problems (especially the sensory issues and bad coordination) DO matter and they do cause me to have problems getting and keeping jobs.

I'm so tired of being told "Well, you're a smart woman and you don't have an ASD, I don't see any reason why you can't get a job!" My disability is totally invisible except to those who really get to know me and spend time around me, which sucks because I can get jobs and then I'll lose them in a few weeks or months when they find out I'm not what they bargained for after I get overstimulated and panic, or after my hypersensitive hearing in noisy environments keeps me from hearing customers and being accused of pretending not to hear them.

I guess if I can get discovered I could probably make it in a creative profession, but I don't want to have to rely on that. I just want to get diagnosed, treated if possible, helped with accommodations, and potentially get on SSD until I can support myself again with the help of a doctor who can coordinate with reasonable workplace accommodations.

That's all I want. If anyone can help I'd really appreciate it!

That's interesting. Sorry to be the bearer of more bad tidings, but you probably won't get diagnosed with NVLD if you can't get a primary diagnostic test from a professional in the first place.
You probably need to just be patient, find out some more resources for helping with some of the symptoms your having and then find out if you can process this yourself, by an autistic society who's willing to help you out.
Having the backing of people is always important in getting some sort of stratedgy or yes routine infrastructure to handling the disorder. You've written it all down well too. Nt's, tend to focus on the person they see in front of them, rather than who's talking from the inside. I always tend to spot rather deep infringements in people who either try to second guess or mime how they think a person is thinking or feeling (based on their own emotive responses) and of handling body language. I think we mostly live in an secular society these days, where people are afraid to speak up any more, in case they get ignored or put on a pedestal or worse, but these things just happen within the groaning age of technology. That's just how it is now, unfortunately.
You can't exactly process emotions from an i-pad, which gets me, when someone comes onto a train and pulls this out straight away. Like look, I've got this and i'm going to use this as my private workstation, Private Keep Out.
I can see straight through it, its like an invisible shield or beta blocker that keeps all sane people out from guessing what they are up to. Like, No one cares. (bring back the late nineties).
I believe what we all could do, or in your position, would just be to experience some more of lifes endurances before you begin to give up on getting an assessment. If your last g.p said you seem highly intelligent, and possess some natural qualities, then its either tryin to get to the root of those hidden talents or realising they just don't have a clue. In which case, they more than most, prefer to have some co-operative feedback, to get the ball rolling. I couldn't get jobs or didn't last very long like you, and eventually, the autism took on a degenerative discomfort within secondary depression i was spiralling down into, and he couldn't even see that either. Only just said, oh I am worried about her, on the phone or wtever.
In the end, it was him who apologised to me, and thank god he did or would have never forgot it.
I don't have to make people feel guilty in order to think oh, yeah I did get it wrong about her, and she could have done with my support, after their reputation and doctoral profession has long lived up to their own practicses of dignified and safe conduct.
Its amazing what one day of research and twenty odd years of experince do when that long cold feeling of dread has been pulling you back from the brink ever since. You have so many sensory episodes, that it isn't your fault, that they don't get it. A non-depressive circumstance picks you back up so you can identify yourself more clearly again, with those around you and lifes shortfalls.
The trouble with me, is I held it in for too many years throughout my education, that giving up seemed the only way. You don't want to start thinking like that or you can end up with permanent phycosis in hospital.
Society doesn't help others, is a lesson well learnt, (from inside your own community), they don't reach out, or are just to restless to even care. Those in identifiable positions of trust need reminding of life on the outside and not just in the confines of their studio box.
My message is don't give up, keep fighting.

In terms of SSD, it's possible to qualify for aid based on symptoms, even without any specific diagnosis:

https://www.ssa.gov/OP_Home/cfr20/416/416-0945.htm

As for getting help within the mental health care system, my feeling is you might be best off not worrying too much about a diagnosis, but just asking your mental health provider for help in dealing with your symptoms. It's definitely a good idea to learn all you can about autism as well, since you have many of the symptoms, and would probably benefit from strategies that are helpful for autistics.

It's got to be frustrating to not fit into a nice, convenient, explainable category that doctors recognize. But it sounds like you struggle with a variety of different symptoms, which all together affect you to a disabling degree. I think you're best off identifying and seeking help for your unique combination of symptoms, and accepting that you have some aspects of autism and various other disorders, but perhaps not the full array (and that is actually a good thing!)

In any case, best wishes - I hope you find the answers you seek!

The depression and GAD is enough to qualify for SSD. I know a person who recently qualified with those disorders.

Do your DOCTORS believe you are disabled? If they don't, and don't write that on the forms or submitted paperwork, you haven't got a chance. It seems SSA doesn't believe the doctors' reports most of time, when the doctors are actively pushing for disability. If your doctors are sort of half assing it, forget it.

Autism or NVLD doesn't add much to mix in making it more "likely" you'd be okayed.

Have you ran your case by a disability lawyer or have you burned up all your reviews?

That does sound a lot like a nonverbal learning disability, though NLD has social issues as well- is it possible that you just aren't aware of your problems with social interactions? My social issues (I have NLD) have to do with difficulty with the subtleties of meaning, conversation, and social rules (my empathy is fine, or even in overdrive). I get the broad strokes, but miss the more subtle stuff. Part of my issues at work are related to not knowing the "rules", and I don't know what I've done wrong unless someone flat-out tells me. This kind of stuff could sabotage you without you even being aware of it. Social issues are definitely my most minor NLD symptom though. Terrible executive functioning and visual spatial skills, combined with anxiety, are the worst for me.

As far as getting a diagnosis, have you tried university clinics? People working at a university might be more aware of ongoing research, and NLD is gaining more recognition now. I realize it's a long shot, but if you are located in either Pennsylvania or Washington state I could make recommendations.

Also, what kinds of jobs have you had? I also have had employment issues and ended up switching careers. There is a great book called "Employment for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome or Non-Verbal Learning Disability" that I highly recommend. What I've found with NLD is that you really need to find a job that works for you- no matter what those dumb aptitude tests tell you, you can't choose a job just based on your strengths because your weaknesses are significant enough to cause you real problems in a job that's a poor fit. Maybe NTs can just tough it out and bull through, but I can't, and maybe you can't either. I recommend thinking carefully over your past jobs, about what worked for you, what didn't work, and hopefully that can guide you in finding a job that you can succeed in. Have you tried vocational rehab?

Good luck!

possibly acetylcholine deficiency?