My parents act like I can't remember being manic.

Post Reply New Topic

I'm seventeen. Four years ago, my bipolar was so bad I couldn't stay in school. It began when I was twelve.

When I try to talk about the things my mom did when I was manic that hurt me, such as tell me that she wanted me "gone", she says, "You were manic, you can't remember anything."

Thing is, since before I was manic, since even when it was under control, my parents deny or forget a lot of significant things.

My mom also tells me all about things I already remember. I tell her I remember them, she keeps doing it.

I mean... I don't remember much, but it was four/five years ago. I have several memories, just like my memories when I was in the sixth grade, ninth grade, and tenth grade. It's not like there's a particular deficit in memories for that time. But my mom acts like I can't remember anything, I remember what's normal for four/five years ago.

So what exactly is the issue?

Do you remember as much per unit time from the year you were manic as you do from any other part of your life? Or do you in fact remember less from that period than you remember from the eras before and after?

Or is the issue that you parents forget as much as you do. Or what?

It sounds like you are being gaslighted.

ive been psychotic many times in the past and my mother never talks to me about it...why did she bring that up?

I don't remember some parts of my manic year, but not an unusual amount. About the same as the rest of my life. I don't believe there was any or significant memory loss.

The issue is that my parents act like they can remember all these things I can't, and they will disregard me if I try to bring up something I remember.

They even "correct" me on events they weren't there for, and the only account they have for it is mine! That's right, they speculate on what they think might have happened and disregard my firsthand experience!

They have never proven that I make things up or that my memory is faulty. I think they just like the power of being able to disregard every thing I say.

I second this. It may be that they don't want to admit things happened so they're in complete denial about it.

Yes, that's definitely gaslighting. Do you have a therapist you can tell about this, or even a good school counselor? They would know what gaslighting is and may be able to help you deal with your parents.

Most likely they are afraid.

I've tried to talk with my mother about simple things. But she avoids any kind of hard issues.

Hey CryingTears,

I really wanted to respond to your post as I believe I can help if possible. I largely agree with the "gaslighting" label, but I've studied this area and I think I know why these issues crop up a lot in families with different "expressions" of the same traits. The important thing is to try not to get angry as you perhaps recall events that I might be describing. I have come to terms with the fact, with my parents,that they are unlikely to change dramatically now that I'm an adult. But now in understanding it I can see that some of their behaviours (such as scapegoating and gaslighting) created many of my issues.

I have observed throughout my family kids having psychological issues and the parents having a huge tendency to "narrate" their own distorting story of what is happening. One of these distorting strategies is the "reset". This looks and sounds very much as what you are describing, a very obvious rewriting of history, specifically saying they "don't remember" events that you consider to be pretty huge personally. This is the controversial part, but I think the reason researchers are looking at NPD and Aspergers (NPD is Narcissistic Personality) is that genetically the traits that come out in kids as Aspergers will often look like NPD in the parents. All the gaslighting forums online describe NPD parents. One of the key traits is an unwillingness to accept personal flaws in themselves and so when "problems" arise they project all of this onto other people, including their kids. Hence, gaslighting and scapegoating.

Caution: I believe the "gaslighting" talk on narcissism forums has got out of control, meaning NPD parents are not the devil incarnate. They have their own brain hardwiring issues, which is why I suggest looking at this subject as calmly as possible. Confrontation of a gaslighting parent is just going to unbalance you when they turn the conversation to your flaws and not you own, which is inevitable.

Note: I'm here and can add details to this at any time if you need them.