Narcissistic Parents and their children's issues.

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I'm the Scapegoat of a Narcissist Mother, and have an enabling, coward Father. My older brother is the Golden Child, and my younger sister is the Lost Child. If I hadn't started fighting back (which I suppose is the reason I was further confounded as the Scapegoat), I would've killed myself a long time ago. I'm 24 years old and still live with my Parents, because I'm dead inside. I've no ambition, no drive, nothing. I haven't had a job in almost 2 years. My entire Life is built around shielding myself from the stress of the World, because I feel so fragile. I can't be emotionally close to anyone, because I don't know how. I feel like "the big secret" would finally be out;

That I'm a stunted 13 year old trapped in a 24 year old Woman's body.

I can't see a Psychologist because I don't want it confirmed that something is severely wrong with me (I've never had real friends or even been on a date before), and I've reason to believe my Mother would use it against me. It's all coming to a head, and I see no way out or what to do from here. All the defense mechanisms I made to protect myself when I was a child are finally backfiring on me and I don't know what to do about it.

Do I have a Personality Disorder myself? This is not normal.

Anyone? I could use the outsider perspective here please.

Being abused and neglected can do damage to a child. You could have been a "normal" child but are just messed up from the result of your parents treatment and they have labels for it like CPTSD or PTSD and sometimes people get personality disorders from the abuse.

I have never heard of a person who was abused and not be messed up from it because it changes the wiring of your brain and child development is very important and lack of love and affection can really mess the child up in adulthood. Even bullying can mess a kid up which is why we have more awareness son bullying and why people are trying to do something about it because they are realizing it's not just being teased and picked on and then the kid moves onto the next kid, it's a daily thing and constant and it never ends and that does damage to the kid. Being told once in awhile that you are stupid or dumb and being told you are this or that and having your work get criticized by someone isn't going to do any damage but if you got it all the time, then yeah. Plus I think some people are more vulnerable to getting disorders because not everyone gets a personality disorder from abuse and not everyone gets OCD from trauma or an eating disorder, etc. But I wonder if people are actually born with it and then environmental factors have to to trigger it for them to have it. That is why people argue rather someone is born evil or not when they talk about criminals and serial killers or Adolf Hitler. Some doctors don't even believe in personality disorders and just think the person is just suffering from trauma so they have a stronger reaction to certain things than most people. Not all doctors believe in evil either and think they are just created. But not everyone is evil when they are messed up. Some suffer from anxiety or depression or have problems that are often associated with autism except it's not autism, it's PTSD.


It is possible to be both autistic and have PTSD and have narcissistic parents. It's also possible you can be "normal" and have anxiety and depression and PTSD from the abuse. You sound like you are afraid to be told you have a disorder that wasn't caused from abuse and all your problems are just a coincidence than being told all your problems you are having are a normal reaction to a abnormal situation. I get it, no one wants to have something wrong with them. But I think therapy will help because you just said you don't know what to do with yourself because all your mechanisms are backfiring.

Anyone else relate?

I think you should talk to a therapist even though you feel it would give your mother power over you. You say you don't have a job. You could tell your mom you are seeing a career counselor. gives her less power. by the way, I have a clinically narcissistic mother too and have talked to a psychiatrist about it a lot. it is important to get yourself away from her in your day to day life. I know its hard right now as you don't work but try to make a plan to get back on your feet and take the steps to follow it. A therapist can help you with that. PM me if you ever want to talk.