Do you struggle with perfectionism?

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I struggle with perfectionism. To me, everything has to be perfect. Every item I own, every decision I make, my appearance, and many other things have to be perfect to me. I know that we live in an imperfect world and I know that nothing and nobody is perfect. My brain for some reason just does not understand this. I get so agitated and frustrated over stains, broken items, and mistakes that I make. Dealing with perfectionism is very agonizing and prevents me from focusing on things that are more important. I don't know how to accept certain things the way they are. When I try to fix an imperfect thing, I usually end up making it worse causing me more agony and stress. My brain always has to analyze every little detail about something and it is really annoying. I don't know how to stop this or if I can.

I struggle with perfectionism. To me, everything has to be perfect. Every item I own, every decision I make, my appearance, and many other things have to be perfect to me. I know that we live in an imperfect world and I know that nothing and nobody is perfect. My brain for some reason just does not understand this. I get so agitated and frustrated over stains, broken items, and mistakes that I make. Dealing with perfectionism is very agonizing and prevents me from focusing on things that are more important. I don't know how to accept certain things the way they are. When I try to fix an imperfect thing, I usually end up making it worse causing me more agony and stress. My brain always has to analyze every little detail about something and it is really annoying. I don't know how to stop this or if I can.
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granted, nobody can diagnose you over the internet, and i ain't no psychologist. but your description sounds, like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. go to a psychologist and discuss OCD. see if you can get a diagnosis. and then see if you can get meds.

yeah i struggle with perfectionism too. but not everything has to be perfect. items do not have to be perfect, b/c i ain't materialistic. appearance does not have to be perfect, b/c i ain't superficial. decisions have to be correct. and b/c i am afraid of making the wrong decision, i often avoid making any altogether. indecisive.

I hate the fact that I'm most certainly not perfect and I absolutely did do hundreds of mistakes in the past. Me having a powerful memory makes most of this mistakes unforgettable. And also when I care about a person the fact that they're not perfect bothers me so much sometimes I nearly get headaches. Yes it is hard to except the world as imperfect.

I hate the fact that I'm most certainly not perfect and I absolutely did do hundreds of mistakes in the past. Me having a powerful memory makes most of this mistakes unforgettable. And also when I care about a person the fact that they're not perfect bothers me so much sometimes I nearly get headaches. Yes it is hard to except the world as imperfect.
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yes i got a powerful memory too.

the neuropsychiatrist that diagnosed me with autism, did Rote Memory as part of the IQ test. and i got a full (highest) score.

and sometimes i just resign though. b/c i know i will never be perfect, so why waste all that effort?

what gets on my nerves, though is how some precious lil "people" act like they are perfect.

Slightly yes

I am a perfectionist when it comes to the detailed work that my jobs entail. I put a lot of pressure on myself. When I make mistakes, I tend to, literally, come undone, and it can take ages for me to recover from it. I have some tools I am trying to implement, to change my thinking, but, it isn't happening. I think, if we are wired this way, it would likely take some grave occurrence, to change the way we operate. Or, at least that's how I see it for myself.

Last edited by Britte on 24 Jun 2017, 9:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have it sometimes. It was worse before I started the med Neurontin/Gabapentin for my OCD.

I go through a series of trying to fix things around my apartment, and when it gets too overwhelming, I end up letting clothes and things pile up, and leave a bigger mess to cleanup and dread completing because my energy is just gone.

It's easy for me to maintain a spotless apartment until someone comes over to wreck my system.

I'm going through that right now, while I have a lot of things going right for me, my environment sucks right now. I can't even sleep because I keep planning when and how I'm going to do it all. I've done little things for improvement here and there, but it is a cycle.

I'll try to completely clean my bedroom so I can finally have some rest, the apartment isn't that grimey, just a lot of laundry to do and I hate laundry. My boyfriend doesn't normally help me with the dishes (not even rinse them) or garbage that accumulates from opening stuff, so I feel like I'm always cleaning up for two people and just can't keep up.

Sometimes I just leave it, I don't feel like doing more even if I internally blow up over it. I think he's noticed that I'm very on edge lately, but I don't want to ask him to help me clean up what I see as something I've enabled to happen and want to fix myself.

Yes I do struggle with it, but it's improving. I allow alot of imperfections now and its easier to live.

I mean obviously you will never be able to reach perfectionism here in this world, so I understand it can be super frustrating.
It's not the most adaptive behaviour. I also agree with person who said this sounds like OCD.

It will not go away 'just like that', and you might suspect that some effort will need to be put in.
I usually don't offer suggestions, but let me make an exception (because I am full of these ideas man !):

I suggest you create a system where you reward yourself whenever you consciously allow imperfections.
This will create new neural associations of imperfection to reward.
I suggest you reward yourself IMMEDIATELY after you allow imperfection to occur (however small, it still counts! ).
What reward? For example, for 1 week, commit to do "Perfectionism Tracking" using your phone (Evernote or whatever note taking app, or even a Stick Note app on phone), and add a "+" on that day for every time you consciously allowed imperfection to occur.
Commit to allow at least 1 imperfection every day. You can do up to 10, but even just 1 counts as "Success!" for the day.
After 1 week passes, review your progress, and think about how it influenced your life.

Change your focus from perfection of the outcome to focusing on just the perfection of the effort you put forth in life regardless of the outcome. Ultimately you only control your own actions, not the outcome. Perfectionism focused on outcomes will only lead to depression and disappointment because no one is perfect.

I am a perfectionist, and I solved that problem by realizing we're doing so well already, and we just need to kindly tell ourselves to do better.

When I was a kid, I was a different kind of perfectionist... the kind that wanted to be perfect for attention and excitement in my life, for praise and good marks and all that. I failed because I tried to do too much perfectly and got overwhelmed and anxious and depressed.

I experience what I call "perfectionism of the touch". It's where I have to touch something "perfectly", or else I have to touch it over and over until I could get it "right". But often that just makes it worse because it seems that I can't get it "right" no matter what. I'm working on getting myself to leave it.

I was like that! My mom said she was kinda the same way and kinda not. She said when I was 13 or so that I might be OCD, but I was never diagnosed. I had to touch a table a certain way, run my hand along it, 1 and a HALF times. I had to touch the entirety of the trailing hanging on a living room chair with my foot and position it perfectly. I had to touch every car, because it was a missed opportunity not to. A missed opportunity to get to know what that particular car felt like.

Yes. People say I'm too hard on myself. I feel I have to do things absolutely perfectly in order to catch up on life experiences I missed when I was younger.

I do struggle with this. I like order in my existence and enjoy success when it occurs. It served me well in education, mostly, but the benefits of this aspect to one's personality is very easily overwhelmed by the negative feelings it generates. Perfectionism sadly is a double-edged blade that inevitably has lead to many sleepless nights for me.

I have had the same issue, and it is a symptom (at least in my case), of obsessive compulsive disorder. I had the very same compulsion, as well as other, similar compulsions, from early childhood, into my late 30's, for the most part, and, still experience them, on occasion, as the result of anxiety. They would become more frequent and pronounced with heightened level of anxiety, and the more relaxed I became, the less I experienced. I don't know if one can grow out of this, however, I haven't had them in several years, despite the fact that the anxiety I experience has increased in intensity, as compared to the past. I learned to force myself, not to act on my compulsions. It isn't easy to do, but, it is absolutely, possible. I wish you success. : )