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Ziemael
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 28 Aug 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 72
Location: Hillman, MI

05 Jun 2018, 3:22 am

I hit 35, then 40, now turning 45 and it finnally it happened. My coping mechanisms have became rote.
Now I only get echos under extreme duress. While before I would say the sentence 5-7 times hen gradually started dropping them to a whisper or just doing it in my head(still happens every day) Saying my sentences repeatedly brought me so much satisfaction I am nostalgic for it. Looking up and seeing everyone looking at you because you really don't know what on earth they are talking about. Getting called weird, robotic, icy, heartless, awkward. I miss those familiar things. When I take someone literally; my carefuly worded queries are so well timed that I just sound like a guy that loves puns and and is a big joker. Now, I still have a... unique walk. I still catch myself hunched or shuffling. I panicked at work 2 months ago for the first time in 6 years. I am losing many of the things that made me me. I want them back. Tripping over the same cord every day even though you keep reminding yourself not to do it. Now I walk around and avoid the trips. I am careful when I turn, not shattering dishes and spilling drinks with impunity. Terrible but I miss it. My wife's life is easier for it. BUT am not normal but people keep treating me normal this act is really hard. I barely get to decompress after work, my true self| when it only comes out after shots of liquor past 3. I think I am ready to sell my house, quit my job, and move into the woods and be my oldself.


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kraftiekortie
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Location: Queens, NYC

02 Jul 2018, 5:40 pm

Sounds like what people refer to as "autistic burnout."

Don't do anything hasty. Don't leave your wife. Don't sell the house.

Try to see a therapist....and talk to us here.

There are people here who can identify with you.



structrix
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Joined: 19 Jun 2013
Age: 46
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Posts: 535

06 Sep 2018, 10:12 am

I totally understand OP. Don't do anything drastic. This may be your autistic mid-life crisis. Just remember we are here to talk to.


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AQ= 41
Your Aspie score: 144 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 66 of 200
I am an Aspie!
Diagnosed as an adult