Loneliness - how to deal?

Post Reply New Topic

I am a 43 year old adult male. I used to have friends. I got married and it didn't work out and had to move away.

I have lived in my current house for 2 years. I am the only person that has ever been inside. I go months without being touched by another person. When I do its usually in for form of fingers brushing against each other when giving or receiving change. I go to work, come home, read for hours and then go to bed. I have started struggling with basic functions like cleaning and personal hygiene. I have given up on eating anything I can't buy at the 7 11 next door.


I know this isn't a novel question, but HOW does one fight bone crushing loneliness?! I would change my behavior if I knew what it was that made me so repulsive.

I'm tired of going to bed wondering if this is it for the next 30ish years.

There are many volunteering organizations. Also you might pursue your hobbies or interest. For example you said you like to read, so you might join a book club.

The human touch is a very powerful sense. You might get a massage every now and then.

I wish I could offer advice. I struggle with the same issue. I don't have friends and am currently unable to work due to issues with extreme anxiety. I only leave my apartment to go grocery shopping. All I can say is please don't be too hard on yourself by thinking that you are defective or repulsive as this will most likely hinder your ability to meaningfully connect with others.

Maybe it'll help to take in a roommate who could help with the housework or help by encouraging you or simply just being there. You could have them do the shopping or join em & do it together. You'd want someone who you could feel comfortable with thou which might could be hard to do if your not meeting people offline but you could try to meet people online. & if you'd like another romantic realtionship(I'm not saying you do or don't but just incase), you could take in a woman who needs a place to stay for some reason. I would of done that when I was single if I would of had my own place. I knew a couple women online who would of been interested who were couch-surfing but they didn't wanna do a LDR & had no money to go in on a place with me.

It really sounds like you are in a tough position. I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now. I understand. My circle of friends is really, really small and life is lonely.

I'd recommend seeing a doctor, and trying anti-depressant. The right one can do a lot to help with motivation towards better personal hygiene and getting yourself back out in public - even if its only to get some better quality food. Good nutrition is vital to health and well-being.

I'd be willing to bet you aren't as "repulsive" as you think. One way to find a friend is to be one. Have you though of a pet or a fish or even a plant? (sometimes you have to start small) . Volunteer your services or even just your time somewhere you're interested in. Take up a new hobby, you might meet like minded people who enjoy the same things you do.

It's tough, I'm pretty use to being alone (in the no friends aspect) but I still have times where I am very lonely. But things will stay the same as long as you maintain the same pattern.

My pets are my saviors in loneliness. So if you like animals a pet might bring you some comfort, especially if they're the sort you can snuggle with. Rescues in particular tend to bond well with their adopters; it would be a face to come home to, it'd break up the stillness at home, someone to love you unconditionally, someone to need, and rely on you. You said your cleanliness is dropping so I would just caution that if you don't think you'd be able take care of a pet properly, it'd probably be better to not take that route. But if you think you can they are an excellent way to think of someone else and get you out of your(depressive)self.

You really need to try to keep you basic hygiene up. If you think others find you repulsive now, imagine if you also smell Try to keep a routine of it, so it can be something you do on an autopilot. Say a mental mantra while you clean up if you like "I am worthy of cleanliness" or something like that. Even if you don't believe it say it anyway.

Do you do any sort of exercise? Exercise, particularly some cardio helps with mood. It can feel pretty good to "work out" some inner turmoil this way. It could also present some social interaction. Just by going out and taking a walk, going to a gym etc. Trying to find a way to just get out of the house is important too. It's very easy to close down and isolate when feeling miserable.

Maybe try to make a social goal for each week? Like make a plan that you are going to exchange words with another shopper at a store. It can be as simple as taking note of what someone is wearing and complimenting an item. Or hell, say hi and wave to a small child. Maybe you're walking around with a "leave miserable me alone" vibe, doing these kinds of things will make you seem a bit more approachable.

Positive affirmations can make you feel silly but they make a bigger impact on up then we tend to realize. You are worthy of health, you are worthy of friends, you are worthy of being happy.

You said you were married before and had friends. That means you are 100% capable of forming relationships. Think back to the kinds of things that helped get those started; use your past as a resource for now.

I am extremely sorry for what you have been going through. The irony is loneliness itself isn't confined to a single person, rather it is multiplying like a virus. Probably, it might be the next epidemic. All I can say is that don't think you are alone, everyone is struggling through this agony.

It's a vicious circle, isn't it - the less you go out the lonelier you get, and the more miserable you get the harder it gets to go out.

The only way is to break the cycle, I think.

First stage: force yourself to get up every day, and wash, and eat well, and exercise. (And if you genuinely can't, you're most likely depressed and might benefit from medication - see your doctor).

Second: force yourself into situations where you have to interact with people.

For me, I'm doing OK on Stage 1 but working on Stage 2. Not quite there yet.
Good luck