I feel like I am an embarassment sometimes

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I have both Schizophrenia and Autism. I feel like my parents don't know what to think sometimes. I feel like the weird person in the family. Family events are awkward. I suck at talking. I get anxious easily.

I have a caretaker that is amazing but sometimes I feel like I embarrass her when we are out but she says I do not. It takes me forever to count out my change at stores but I like to feel independent. My mom will pay for me sometimes with my change and I don't like that. I also have said and done things that I maybe shouldn't have. A couple of years ago I got told not to sprinkle salt in someone else's room. I thought it was haunted. I also left a note on my neighbours porch telling her that I liked her flowers and that I liked her cats. I got told not to do that again, because people might think it is creepy. I know the neighbour though. She thought it was sweet. I also have been in public and I forget my drink orders at a coffee shop. I usually get iced coffee or a coffee with one cream and one sugar. Its hard to say that sometimes. I feel like I am embarrassing when I do that. I also like to wander off. My parents get the most embarrassed when that happens. They get embarrassed by a lot of what I do. I remember when I had to be picked up from school in 11th grade because I got really overwhelmed by something. I had sensory overload and it didn't feel so good. I don't usually get it but when I do, it is bad. My sister was mostly embarrassed by that because we went to the same school. I do not live with them now though.

I like doing things sort of by myself. I have even practiced a little bit of driving. I like going on walks and I like cats, especially the neighbours cats. I like going over there.

I sent more notes to other neighbours and they thought it was very weird. I cant do it anymore

I have Schizoaffective Disorder, Autism, ADHD, OCD, GAD, and Agoraphobia. I don't feel like an embarrassment because it's out of my control. I just do my best.