Not being able to tell what's real?

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Note I am not trying to seek attention I just really dont know where to go at this point. I'm not even sure if people are going to read this or this will help at all...but anyway

I know that I have derelization and depersonlization I never got an official diagnosis as I could never find anyone who knew what I was talking about. 24/7 I feel out of my body as I type this i feel as though I'm watching a someone else's hands nothing feels real and it's only gotten worse over the years. I'm a young adult. And never smoked never drunk in my entire life. I've been dealing with unreailty since I can remember going back to 4 years of age and that's the scariest part.

Most people feel this way later in life but not me. I've had unreal feelings since I've been a small child


It's getting to the point where I dont know what's real anymore. I constantly question my reailty and I keep thinking that my family isnt real that maybe their dead and I only think they're real...maybe I'm completely insane and sitting in a mental ward hallucinating everything I dont know. And I could never tell anyone these thoughts irl because theyll think I'm just doing it for attention. .

I keep seeing things in the corner of my eye like things moving. The doctor says my eyesight is perfect I even had them dilated I also had a CT scan because i panicked a few months back and had to go to the ER. They completely ignored me when I told them about how strange I felt just like my primary doctor I get ignored whenever I bring up what I feel like...they just thought it was diziness even though I was literally telling them I dont feel real.

Thearpy doesnt help I have yet to find anyone who understands this. My mom tells.me to just suck it up and deal with it. We cant afford a mental evaluation anyway.

I feel scared an paranoid all the time. I'm completely convinced that my family isnt real and that when I'm out in public I'm just talking to myself

I just really dont know anymore..... I dont even know why I'm typing this I dont know if anyone will take me seriously on here

There are people here who experience "depersonalization." I never do.

I sometimes pinch myself---almost as if to confirm that I am, indeed, myself.

If your doctor is ignoring you when you describe how you feel, ask to see a different doctor, and be pushy about it until you find one who will listen to you. Since your thoughts are causing you to feel scared and paranoid, that deserves to be taken seriously.

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POS forum

DP is an Alarm System

It took me a long time to realize that there was actually nothing to be worried about. You see, in any anxiety-spectrum condition (which Depersonalization is), one of the very worst things that you can do is constantly research and talk about it. Let me explain:

Depersonalization is, at its core, a symptom of anxiety. It’s your brain’s natural self-defence alarm system that kicks in during times of trauma to allow to escape without being paralysed by fear. Sometimes, the alarm can continue on after the situation itself has passed (especially if it's been triggered by a panic attack or drugs) and can seem like a separate mental condition.

Your brain is convinced that it's still in danger and so keeps the DP going. You think scary thoughts like 'I must be going crazy' -- which makes you more anxious and makes the DP worse. This cycle continues and turns into Depersonalization Disorder (DPD). In order turn off the 'alarm' of DP you must convince your brain, correctly, that you're NOT in danger. Of being hurt, of dying, of going crazy. There is nothing to be afraid of, so your brain can turn off the anxiety, and the and 'alarm' of Depersonalization.


https://www.dpmanual.com/articles/deper ... oid-them/#

UnorginalLizzie, I've been where you are. My derealization issues started when I was about 10 (new school) and were there in and out until a spectacular breakdown at the age of 31.
Then I got misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and drugged to a vegetable.
Getting out of a misdiagnosis when you don't know what is real and you are drugged into torpor is not a walk in a park but I managed. I still wonder how many people similar to me have been left there forever
Then I found a therapist who was able to help me. Earlier therapists either couldn't reach to me or downright misunderstood me. We started to talk Freudian style about dreams and earliest childhood memories and I slowly learned to keep in contact with my real, at-the-moment feelings and needs.
Turned out my childhood was screwed up by a combination of my Asperger's (sensory issues, meltdowns and inability to understand "obvious" things despite very high intelligence) and unhealthy patterns persistent in my mother's family, mainly ubuquitos denial and my mother's unprocessed traumas that made her freak out on some of my behaviors.
My way of dealing with it was to separate myself from what I was feeling, put on a convinient face and do what I thought I was expected to do. It collapsed after I had children.

I don't know your life history. In my case, working out my complicated relationship with my mother took 2.5 years. It's so hard to admit you have been harmed by someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally. I don't blame her now, I see she had her own issues that backfired at me. But I needed to process it all at my own speed.
Try to grasp some memories when you felt in contact with yourself. Remember that feeling emotions is not to be judged by either ethics or logic. Emotions just are, even the most inconvinient ones are okay. Actions can be judged but not feelings.

I hope you find help and get better

I've experienced derealization & depersonalization when I was going through a psychotic depression at 20 that was caused partly by my 1st relationship ending. During my worst moment I slashed my upper arm 9x & ended up going to the ER. Emily was bragging online about how she drank so much she had to get her stomach pumped. I had lots of anxiety attacks worrying about her while we were together which were part of the reason we had broken up. I became very controlling with her. Anyways when I saw her bragging I snapped & watched myself slash my arm. I watched it happen in slow motion thou I know it happened in no more than a second. I've also had lots of derealization around that time where I wasn't sure what was real & what wasn't. I started seeing a psychiatrist after I slashed my arm & I spent the next 5 years taking an antidepressant, antipsychotic & mood-stabilizer. I tried to work on myself in the meantime too thou by getting a job, switching jobs a couple times, making a friend from work, & joining a support group for people with bipolar(my GP had 1st diagnosed me as bipolar but that got ruled out during my 1st appointment with my psychiatrist), depression, & anxiety, & by posting about things aLOT online trying to analyze & sort things out. I haven't experienced derealization & depersonalization since my mid 20s & I'm 36 & a half now.
I agree with darkwaver that you need to be pushy about getting help/treatment.