Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ]
01 Feb 2017, 7:27 pm
I need help what would you do? How can I get her to let me FaceTime her more and how do I keep her from doing the internship at Facebook???? 
02 Feb 2017, 8:59 pm
05 Feb 2017, 2:32 pm
pigsrock wrote:
I need help what would you do? How can I get her to let me FaceTime her more and how do I keep her from doing the internship at Facebook???? i'm saddened to hear of your suffering.
What is your twin's understanding of your feelings?
Does she 'get' what is happening to you?
06 Feb 2017, 2:10 pm
slave wrote:
pigsrock wrote:
I need help what would you do? How can I get her to let me FaceTime her more and how do I keep her from doing the internship at Facebook???? i'm saddened to hear of your suffering.
What is your twin's understanding of your feelings?
Does she 'get' what is happening to you?
Yes she just doesn't understand how much it upsets me and she said her education is too important, but I don't understand why she didn't just go to Wash U she got in and it NOT ONLY in Missouri it is here in Saint Louis it is less than half an hour away from my house and she wants to go into neuroscience and specialize in Autism research, then minor in biomedical computations and Washington University has an EXCELLENT neuroscience program, in fact their program diagnosed my autism and did a lot of other things to help me.
I feel that California and Missouri should trade names, because all that California causes me is MISERY.
07 Feb 2017, 12:30 pm
Why did she go out of state?
Maybe to get a break. Your sister wants to spread her own wings and be come her own person.
Your sister loves you, but she isn't not your emotional pacifier.
She is not your parents.
She is not your doctors.
She is not your therapist.
She really doesn't owe you anything. She didn't birth you. She's not pay your bills.
She will have relationships. She may get married and have children. She may move out of the country.
And why with all the things you are diagnosed with how can she possible help you? She is a 20 year old without medical or psychiatric training
The more you frantically grasp. The more you threaten. The more you basically scream HOW DARE YOU MOVE AND LEAVE ME HERE (yes I know that's shouting, but I'm sure that is how it feels in your head), the harder you are pushing her away.
This is your Borderline Personality Disorder raging out of control. My mother had BPD. Instead of celebrating your sister going to Stanford (which is frankly a wonderful thing), you have spun this into all about you. I want you here because I feel abandoned.
You are 20. If you want any relationship with your sister beyond phone calls and Christmas cards, you need to pull your big girl panties up and start being honest with your doctors and start working your treatment plans.
Because you don't want your sister to have to pick between her sanity or you. I had to do this with my mother. Between the BS drama and her BPD that was always out of control, I spent less and less time with her. Couldn't handle her outbursts, and frankly she didn't do one damn thing to get better. It was always everyone else's fault why she was unhappy.
BPD is all about emotional dysregulation. You sister isn't the only person who really gets you. She maybe the only person who probably just let's you vent, get upset and say that's too bad. How terrible. Yeah, I know. And the minute she slights you and doesn't live up to the ideal in your head, you'll burn her down like a haystack.
Before you rage at me, friend, I have bipolar I, 14 inpatient hospitalizations, 10 partial hospitalizations, 3 serious suicide attempts which the last one almost got me. These attempts weren't scratch up my wrists, pop 6 Tylenol, 4 Benadryl and call the crisis line. I burned s**t load of bridges with good people who could not deal with my crazy ass anymore. Frankly, I'm shocked they hung around as long as they did.
It has taken tons and tons and tons of work with my treatment team to get me stable. Everyday I make my own choices on what I need to do so the mood swings don't start flipping around. No more game playing. I have a daughter now and a husband, and owe it to them to be as mentally healthy as I can.
I'm sorry you are in a bad place right now. Feeling sad, abandoned, hovered over by parents, and nothing really clicking in your life feels like s**t. Feelings suck.
But...at the moment you do have some people you can use to help pull yourself out of this hole. Will they help exactly the way you want? Nope. But as you start getting better, and make better choices that are good for YOU, people will back off.
DO NOT DO WHAT I DID and waste all of my 20s and 30s by just fighting with everyone one and refusing to do things that would get me better. The only thing you can can not buy more of is time. Don't waste it on proving points and making stands that get you no where.
You are too special a woman to do that.
Take care... 
07 Feb 2017, 11:23 pm
pigsrock wrote:
slave wrote:
pigsrock wrote:
I need help what would you do? How can I get her to let me FaceTime her more and how do I keep her from doing the internship at Facebook???? i'm saddened to hear of your suffering.
What is your twin's understanding of your feelings?
Does she 'get' what is happening to you?
Yes she just doesn't understand how much it upsets me and she said her education is too important, but I don't understand why she didn't just go to Wash U she got in and it NOT ONLY in Missouri it is here in Saint Louis it is less than half an hour away from my house and she wants to go into neuroscience and specialize in Autism research, then minor in biomedical computations and Washington University has an EXCELLENT neuroscience program, in fact their program diagnosed my autism and did a lot of other things to help me.
I feel that California and Missouri should trade names, because all that California causes me is MISERY.
@OP
May I ask a few Q's?
Does your twin also have ASD? BPD? BiP? PTSD?
Are you also a student?
Are you frat. or ident. twins?
How do you parents regard this situation?
StreakofEmerald
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 6 Mar 2016
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Posts: 31
Location: New Jersey
08 Feb 2017, 7:39 pm
Tawaki wrote:
Why did she go out of state?
Maybe to get a break. Your sister wants to spread her own wings and become her own person.
Your sister loves you, but she isn't not your emotional pacifier.
She is not your parents.
She is not your doctors.
She is not your therapist.
She really doesn't owe you anything. She didn't birth you. She's not pay your bills.
She will have relationships. She may get married and have children. She may move out of the country.
And why with all the things you are diagnosed with how can she possible help you? She is a 20 year old without medical or psychiatric training
The more you frantically grasp. The more you threaten. The more you basically scream HOW DARE YOU MOVE AND LEAVE ME HERE (yes I know that's shouting, but I'm sure that is how it feels in your head), the harder you are pushing her away.
This is your Borderline Personality Disorder raging out of control. My mother had BPD. Instead of celebrating your sister going to Stanford (which is frankly a wonderful thing), you have spun this into all about you. I want you here because I feel abandoned.
You are 20. If you want any relationship with your sister beyond phone calls and Christmas cards, you need to pull your big girl panties up and start being honest with your doctors and start working your treatment plans.
Because you don't want your sister to have to pick between her sanity or you. I had to do this with my mother. Between the BS drama and her BPD that was always out of control, I spent less and less time with her. Couldn't handle her outbursts, and frankly she didn't do one damn thing to get better. It was always everyone else's fault why she was unhappy.
BPD is all about emotional dysregulation. You sister isn't the only person who really gets you. She maybe the only person who probably just let's you vent, get upset and say that's too bad. How terrible. Yeah, I know. And the minute she slights you and doesn't live up to the ideal in your head, you'll burn her down like a haystack.
Before you rage at me, friend, I have bipolar I, 14 inpatient hospitalizations, 10 partial hospitalizations, 3 serious suicide attempts which the last one almost got me. These attempts weren't scratch up my wrists, pop 6 Tylenol, 4 Benadryl and call the crisis line. I burned s**t load of bridges with good people who could not deal with my crazy ass anymore. Frankly, I'm shocked they hung around as long as they did.
It has taken tons and tons and tons of work with my treatment team to get me stable. Everyday I make my own choices on what I need to do so the mood swings don't start flipping around. No more game playing. I have a daughter now and a husband, and owe it to them to be as mentally healthy as I can.
I'm sorry you are in a bad place right now. Feeling sad, abandoned, hovered over by parents, and nothing really clicking in your life feels like s**t. Feelings suck.
But...at the moment you do have some people you can use to help pull yourself out of this hole. Will they help exactly the way you want? Nope. But as you start getting better, and make better choices that are good for YOU, people will back off.
DO NOT DO WHAT I DID and waste all of my 20s and 30s by just fighting with everyone one and refusing to do things that would get me better. The only thing you can can not buy more of is time. Don't waste it on proving points and making stands that get you nowhere.
You are too special a woman to do that.
Take care...
Maybe to get a break. Your sister wants to spread her own wings and become her own person.
Your sister loves you, but she isn't not your emotional pacifier.
She is not your parents.
She is not your doctors.
She is not your therapist.
She really doesn't owe you anything. She didn't birth you. She's not pay your bills.
She will have relationships. She may get married and have children. She may move out of the country.
And why with all the things you are diagnosed with how can she possible help you? She is a 20 year old without medical or psychiatric training
The more you frantically grasp. The more you threaten. The more you basically scream HOW DARE YOU MOVE AND LEAVE ME HERE (yes I know that's shouting, but I'm sure that is how it feels in your head), the harder you are pushing her away.
This is your Borderline Personality Disorder raging out of control. My mother had BPD. Instead of celebrating your sister going to Stanford (which is frankly a wonderful thing), you have spun this into all about you. I want you here because I feel abandoned.
You are 20. If you want any relationship with your sister beyond phone calls and Christmas cards, you need to pull your big girl panties up and start being honest with your doctors and start working your treatment plans.
Because you don't want your sister to have to pick between her sanity or you. I had to do this with my mother. Between the BS drama and her BPD that was always out of control, I spent less and less time with her. Couldn't handle her outbursts, and frankly she didn't do one damn thing to get better. It was always everyone else's fault why she was unhappy.
BPD is all about emotional dysregulation. You sister isn't the only person who really gets you. She maybe the only person who probably just let's you vent, get upset and say that's too bad. How terrible. Yeah, I know. And the minute she slights you and doesn't live up to the ideal in your head, you'll burn her down like a haystack.
Before you rage at me, friend, I have bipolar I, 14 inpatient hospitalizations, 10 partial hospitalizations, 3 serious suicide attempts which the last one almost got me. These attempts weren't scratch up my wrists, pop 6 Tylenol, 4 Benadryl and call the crisis line. I burned s**t load of bridges with good people who could not deal with my crazy ass anymore. Frankly, I'm shocked they hung around as long as they did.
It has taken tons and tons and tons of work with my treatment team to get me stable. Everyday I make my own choices on what I need to do so the mood swings don't start flipping around. No more game playing. I have a daughter now and a husband, and owe it to them to be as mentally healthy as I can.
I'm sorry you are in a bad place right now. Feeling sad, abandoned, hovered over by parents, and nothing really clicking in your life feels like s**t. Feelings suck.
But...at the moment you do have some people you can use to help pull yourself out of this hole. Will they help exactly the way you want? Nope. But as you start getting better, and make better choices that are good for YOU, people will back off.
DO NOT DO WHAT I DID and waste all of my 20s and 30s by just fighting with everyone one and refusing to do things that would get me better. The only thing you can can not buy more of is time. Don't waste it on proving points and making stands that get you nowhere.
You are too special a woman to do that.
Take care...
I honestly feel that this is a highly appropriate response for /u/slave's situation. The best thing she can do for herself now is to realize that part of her problem is her dishonesty towards herself and to seek help.
16 Feb 2020, 8:47 pm
pigsrock wrote:
slave wrote:
pigsrock wrote:
I need help what would you do? How can I get her to let me FaceTime her more and how do I keep her from doing the internship at Facebook???? i'm saddened to hear of your suffering.
What is your twin's understanding of your feelings?
Does she 'get' what is happening to you?
Yes she just doesn't understand how much it upsets me and she said her education is too important, but I don't understand why she didn't just go to Wash U she got in and it NOT ONLY in Missouri it is here in Saint Louis it is less than half an hour away from my house and she wants to go into neuroscience and specialize in Autism research, then minor in biomedical computations and Washington University has an EXCELLENT neuroscience program, in fact their program diagnosed my autism and did a lot of other things to help me.
I feel that California and Missouri should trade names, because all that California causes me is MISERY.
I’m upset because she promised to come back to Saint Louis when she graduated and that would have Been a year and a half ago now she is still there because she insisted on working for Facebook
16 Feb 2020, 8:56 pm
Tawaki wrote:
Why did she go out of state?
Maybe to get a break. Your sister wants to spread her own wings and be come her own person.
Your sister loves you, but she isn't not your emotional pacifier.
She is not your parents.
She is not your doctors.
She is not your therapist.
She really doesn't owe you anything. She didn't birth you. She's not pay your bills.
She will have relationships. She may get married and have children. She may move out of the country.
And why with all the things you are diagnosed with how can she possible help you? She is a 20 year old without medical or psychiatric training
The more you frantically grasp. The more you threaten. The more you basically scream HOW DARE YOU MOVE AND LEAVE ME HERE (yes I know that's shouting, but I'm sure that is how it feels in your head), the harder you are pushing her away.
This is your Borderline Personality Disorder raging out of control. My mother had BPD. Instead of celebrating your sister going to Stanford (which is frankly a wonderful thing), you have spun this into all about you. I want you here because I feel abandoned.
You are 20. If you want any relationship with your sister beyond phone calls and Christmas cards, you need to pull your big girl panties up and start being honest with your doctors and start working your treatment plans.
Because you don't want your sister to have to pick between her sanity or you. I had to do this with my mother. Between the BS drama and her BPD that was always out of control, I spent less and less time with her. Couldn't handle her outbursts, and frankly she didn't do one damn thing to get better. It was always everyone else's fault why she was unhappy.
BPD is all about emotional dysregulation. You sister isn't the only person who really gets you. She maybe the only person who probably just let's you vent, get upset and say that's too bad. How terrible. Yeah, I know. And the minute she slights you and doesn't live up to the ideal in your head, you'll burn her down like a haystack.
Before you rage at me, friend, I have bipolar I, 14 inpatient hospitalizations, 10 partial hospitalizations, 3 serious suicide attempts which the last one almost got me. These attempts weren't scratch up my wrists, pop 6 Tylenol, 4 Benadryl and call the crisis line. I burned s**t load of bridges with good people who could not deal with my crazy ass anymore. Frankly, I'm shocked they hung around as long as they did.
It has taken tons and tons and tons of work with my treatment team to get me stable. Everyday I make my own choices on what I need to do so the mood swings don't start flipping around. No more game playing. I have a daughter now and a husband, and owe it to them to be as mentally healthy as I can.
I'm sorry you are in a bad place right now. Feeling sad, abandoned, hovered over by parents, and nothing really clicking in your life feels like s**t. Feelings suck.
But...at the moment you do have some people you can use to help pull yourself out of this hole. Will they help exactly the way you want? Nope. But as you start getting better, and make better choices that are good for YOU, people will back off.
DO NOT DO WHAT I DID and waste all of my 20s and 30s by just fighting with everyone one and refusing to do things that would get me better. The only thing you can can not buy more of is time. Don't waste it on proving points and making stands that get you no where.
You are too special a woman to do that.
Take care...
I have been doing Dialectical behavior therapy and it has really helped thanks
Maybe to get a break. Your sister wants to spread her own wings and be come her own person.
Your sister loves you, but she isn't not your emotional pacifier.
She is not your parents.
She is not your doctors.
She is not your therapist.
She really doesn't owe you anything. She didn't birth you. She's not pay your bills.
She will have relationships. She may get married and have children. She may move out of the country.
And why with all the things you are diagnosed with how can she possible help you? She is a 20 year old without medical or psychiatric training
The more you frantically grasp. The more you threaten. The more you basically scream HOW DARE YOU MOVE AND LEAVE ME HERE (yes I know that's shouting, but I'm sure that is how it feels in your head), the harder you are pushing her away.
This is your Borderline Personality Disorder raging out of control. My mother had BPD. Instead of celebrating your sister going to Stanford (which is frankly a wonderful thing), you have spun this into all about you. I want you here because I feel abandoned.
You are 20. If you want any relationship with your sister beyond phone calls and Christmas cards, you need to pull your big girl panties up and start being honest with your doctors and start working your treatment plans.
Because you don't want your sister to have to pick between her sanity or you. I had to do this with my mother. Between the BS drama and her BPD that was always out of control, I spent less and less time with her. Couldn't handle her outbursts, and frankly she didn't do one damn thing to get better. It was always everyone else's fault why she was unhappy.
BPD is all about emotional dysregulation. You sister isn't the only person who really gets you. She maybe the only person who probably just let's you vent, get upset and say that's too bad. How terrible. Yeah, I know. And the minute she slights you and doesn't live up to the ideal in your head, you'll burn her down like a haystack.
Before you rage at me, friend, I have bipolar I, 14 inpatient hospitalizations, 10 partial hospitalizations, 3 serious suicide attempts which the last one almost got me. These attempts weren't scratch up my wrists, pop 6 Tylenol, 4 Benadryl and call the crisis line. I burned s**t load of bridges with good people who could not deal with my crazy ass anymore. Frankly, I'm shocked they hung around as long as they did.
It has taken tons and tons and tons of work with my treatment team to get me stable. Everyday I make my own choices on what I need to do so the mood swings don't start flipping around. No more game playing. I have a daughter now and a husband, and owe it to them to be as mentally healthy as I can.
I'm sorry you are in a bad place right now. Feeling sad, abandoned, hovered over by parents, and nothing really clicking in your life feels like s**t. Feelings suck.
But...at the moment you do have some people you can use to help pull yourself out of this hole. Will they help exactly the way you want? Nope. But as you start getting better, and make better choices that are good for YOU, people will back off.
DO NOT DO WHAT I DID and waste all of my 20s and 30s by just fighting with everyone one and refusing to do things that would get me better. The only thing you can can not buy more of is time. Don't waste it on proving points and making stands that get you no where.
You are too special a woman to do that.
Take care...
16 Feb 2020, 8:59 pm
slave wrote:
pigsrock wrote:
slave wrote:
pigsrock wrote:
I need help what would you do? How can I get her to let me FaceTime her more and how do I keep her from doing the internship at Facebook???? i'm saddened to hear of your suffering.
What is your twin's understanding of your feelings?
Does she 'get' what is happening to you?
Yes she just doesn't understand how much it upsets me and she said her education is too important, but I don't understand why she didn't just go to Wash U she got in and it NOT ONLY in Missouri it is here in Saint Louis it is less than half an hour away from my house and she wants to go into neuroscience and specialize in Autism research, then minor in biomedical computations and Washington University has an EXCELLENT neuroscience program, in fact their program diagnosed my autism and did a lot of other things to help me.
I feel that California and Missouri should trade names, because all that California causes me is MISERY.
@OP
May I ask a few Q's?
Does your twin also have ASD? BPD? BiP? PTSD?
Are you also a student?
Are you frat. or ident. twins?
How do you parents regard this situation?
My sister does not have any diagnosis that I know of
We at semi-identical twins and I just started school
17 Feb 2020, 1:27 am
pigsrock wrote:
slave wrote:
pigsrock wrote:
slave wrote:
pigsrock wrote:
I need help what would you do? How can I get her to let me FaceTime her more and how do I keep her from doing the internship at Facebook???? i'm saddened to hear of your suffering.
What is your twin's understanding of your feelings?
Does she 'get' what is happening to you?
Yes she just doesn't understand how much it upsets me and she said her education is too important, but I don't understand why she didn't just go to Wash U she got in and it NOT ONLY in Missouri it is here in Saint Louis it is less than half an hour away from my house and she wants to go into neuroscience and specialize in Autism research, then minor in biomedical computations and Washington University has an EXCELLENT neuroscience program, in fact their program diagnosed my autism and did a lot of other things to help me.
I feel that California and Missouri should trade names, because all that California causes me is MISERY.
@OP
May I ask a few Q's?
Does your twin also have ASD? BPD? BiP? PTSD?
Are you also a student?
Are you frat. or ident. twins?
How do you parents regard this situation?
My sister does not have any diagnosis that I know of
We at semi-identical twins and I just started school
Oic, I hope things go well for you at school.
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,593
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic police state called USA
20 Feb 2020, 7:01 pm
pigsrock wrote:
I’m upset because she promised to come back to Saint Louis when she graduated and that would have Been a year and a half ago now she is still there because she insisted on working for Facebook
It's possible she meant it at the time she said it but plans over life stuff like careers & schooling can change for people over time. It's also possible that like Tawaki said, your sis feels overwhelmed by you & is wanting to keep her distance from you in order for her to have her own life & sanity. I know you mentioned doing DBT but I'm wondering if your also on psych meds. They are not a magic cure but they can help hold you together while you take the steps you need to in order to work on yourself more. Meds like antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, & antidepressants cna help treat the various disorders you have. I fell into a psychotic depression over my 1st romantic relationship falling apart cuz she was the 1st person who ever understood me & connected with me. I was given diagnoses like depression & borderline personality. I was put on an antidepressant, antipsychotic, & a mood stabilizer & those meds helped hold me together while I worked on myself & made changes in my life. Various things that helped me were getting a job, joining a support group for depression, bipolar, & anxiety, making a couple friends, & just having more of my own life in general. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't get diagnosed with the BPD & some of my other diagnoses now. My current girlfriend has various mental disorders including depression & being on the border of having BPD & she can be very difficult for me to handle sometimes. I feel like I'm failing her a lot & like she's pushing me away for it. I wonder if that's kinda how your sis may feel OP. I'm pretty sure my poor mental health is what caused me to screw up my 1st relationship for similar reasons.
20 Feb 2020, 7:05 pm
pigsrock wrote:
We at semi-identical twins
May I ask what this means?
I'm curious if you were one zygote that split into two embryos, or if you began as two different eggs.
I'm sorry you miss her so much.
