Do we do things maybe 5 years later than our peers?

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I seem to think I find myself doing the things that maybe someone else had maybe at least 5 or 10 years before I did, although it's not the case for everything I've done.

- Most people probably leave school at 16, I didn't leave until I was 18.

- Many people probably start driving lessons and pass their tests at 17, I didn't start with an instructor until I was 21 for manual lessons which I found difficult. I started automatic lessons at 24, passed my hazard perception test at 27 and passed my driving test at 28.

- I started uni at 22, when probably other people graduate by that time and I never graduated and left after 3 months.

- I didn't start working in a paid job until I was 26, even though I did do some voluntary work at 21 until I went to uni.

- I never had a relationship or the experience of sex in my late teens, early 20s, mid 20s, late 20s or even my early 30s when I seem think a lot of other people have had that experience. I do remember a chapter in a book for parents in raising their child with autism which said an autistic person may not experience a relationship until their mid or late 20s unlike others who start experiencing it in their late teens or early 20s. I did date someone I quite liked but I didn't feel I wanted a relationship with her and there was someone else I knew from school who I wanted one with but she didn't feel the same with me.

Aren't most people 17 or 18 when they graduate high school?

16 would mean Grade 10 or 11.

I started working at 16.
I had sex at 15.
I got my driver's licence on a similar timeline as you.

I don't imagine there's a rule of thumb to apply.

In the UK, high school is for ages 11-16 and then 6th form is optional from 16-18, and then after that is university from 18-21, typically.

Ah, so it's like Grades 6-10, with 11 and 12 as optional.

I deleted my previous message accidentally.

Here it is again.

In the UK it goes:

Reception year (year 0)
Year 1 (Primary school)
Year 2 (Primary school)
Year 3 (Primary school)
Year 4 (Primary school)
Year 5 (Primary school)
Year 6 (Primary school)
Year 7 (High school)
Year 8 (High school)
Year 9 (High school)
Year 10 (High school)
Year 11 (High school)
Year 12 (6th form/optional)
Year 13 (6th form/optional)

Interesting, thank you for the explanation.

No worries, FXE!

That makes sense.

I did what i did later than others

Yet i've still no experience in many things

Well I guess you can add me to the delayed list. I'm 37 and working on my bachelor's degree that I started in 2004. And I know it says I'm 36 on my profile. Typos suck, sorry about that.

I transferred to an American high school after my grandad's suicide. It put me behind a year. I didn't finish high school there until I was 19. In Canada, High School had Grade 13 which ended at age 19 anyway. In Quebec most students went to CEGEP before Uni. It's similar to 6th Form, but I didn't do that because I'd been in USA. Long story short, I left USA for Uni in yet another country at age 19.

I did grad school and didn't finish my last degree until I was 30.

I got my driving licence at 18.

I had sex after my wedding. I was almost 23.

My first job, I was 15.
I worked from that point on, including when I was in Uni, until I went on LTD ten years ago.

I guess those ages might seem relatively normal.

What it doesn't say is that I don't know how to do most things teenagers can do.

My daughter had to teach me how to apply makeup or curl my hair.
I don't know how to put outfits together.
I don't know how to do small talk, host gatherings, plan events, or even make phone calls.
I don't know how to turn on my television or stream anything.
I don't know how to answer my cell phone, or flip between pages on it.
I just discovered the ringer had been shut off for a year. I had no idea.

When I was in school, we all started at age 4. We then went to the primary school which was divided up between infants (The first three years) and juniors (The next four years).
When we were age 11, we then went up to secondary school (School I went to was classed as a comprehensive school) which had forms for the years one was in, and sets in those years according to one's ability.

Form 1
Form 2
Form 3
Form 4
Form 5
(Form 6)
Form 6 was optional. One stayed in school until from 5 when one was 16. If one's birthdays was before a certain month one could leave school early without doing exams. One pupil I know did this as his Dad was farming and also had a removals business which his son went into and has been a success so it was a good move for him!
I went into collage for two years instead of going into form 6 as I was told by my Mum that collage was easier than school to cope with. I found it worse!
Today under the GCSE brainwashing system they have 're-classified things to the years you show above which is confusing as they didn't need to do it.
School wasn't actually compulsory though by the time one was 11, most children were expected to start secondary school, so one would come across the occasional pupil starting school at age 11 and it still happens today but is rare. Usually those taught at home would be of a higher standard of education than those who were taught in school even though I found out that by law, it one is home schooled, one is expected to do basic maths and should be able to read or write which are very low standards that we were learning to do and could all do by the age of six. Though as this is law these days, it really puzzles me what happens to those who can't reach those standards, as not everyone can. (There were plenty of reports in the modern GCSE system of people going through schooling and not even reaching the basic maths and reading and writing standard! Something that never happened in the last in the standard forms of school because either one was sent to a special school which in theory was exempt from exam standard but still should have taught its pupils of they could learn things, or if one remained in the ordinary schooling system which included what was known as "Remedials" for those who needed a lot more help, any under achievers at any level were given extra attention, so to leave school without the basics in the last didn't happen. Does not mean one passed any exams though. But at least they could do simple sums and read and write. Even the majority of remedial could do that! (Actually they could do it in primary school as we were all taught together up to the age of 11). When I was seven, I nearly ended up at the special school despite my intelligence because I didn't speak in class. I actually outwitted a psychologist by lieing, as the thought of going to that school so far from home was terrifying! I was able to see through his questions and answered them in an audible voice that could easily be heard handbags my replies to ensure I would not be sent to that school, which annoyed my teacher when she heard about it as I doing hardly spoke at all in class, and was having to do two part learning due to nurves (First time I came across the word "Psycologist" and didn't know what it meant until a few years ago! Two part learning is when one learns something new, and the next lesson on another day one would have to learn it again from scratch as one would have forgotten everything. Happened when doing certain subjects. I would be fine and do it well the first time, but come back to it and it was as if I had never done it the first time. But only on certain subjects. Probably why I struggled at languages. Other subjects this was never a problem and I could absorb them and retain them with ease! (E.G. Physics, though I messed up my physics exam so didn't get the grades my teacher expected as I went off on a tangent during a practical part of the exam due to all my focus directing on one aspect of the experiment in detail where I can put of time, as I was fascinated on developing more accurate ways to measure by experimenting on this aspect, instead of just looking and taking visual readings, so I did not get the results I should! I still got a reasonable grade).

I have a question regarding this topic. All my life academic stuff has been easy for me, but more basic things are super hard. Is this part of autism or do I have a learning disability or something? Or am I just a stupid moron, which is how I used to label myself?

'stupid moron' is a meaningless insult, I suggest you discard that label.

I have a similar experience to you so I think it is autism; we may do better in structured environments with topics we are interested in but do poorly with ambiguous unenforced housework. then again it is a spectrum

It is very common for autistic folk to struggle with basic tasks but to be competent or to even excel in academia. Don't worry, it is normal.

Degree at 21.
Full time job at 22.
Drivers license at 25.
Married at 35.
Learned to catch a ball at 36.
Paid off mortgage at 49!
Retired at 59!
After three short seasons of playing golf I finally play better than average!
Which is pretty good for anyone who has learned to play as a mature adult.
The twice weekly drives to the golf course has also helped my driving skills.
Learned to play a good game of golf at age 60! Learned a ton of stuff in the last few months!

So, just because you got a late start doesn't mean you will always be behind your peers.
Many of my peers still haven't paid off their mortgage, retired, or learned a brand new hobby for retirement.

Last edited by BTDT on 15 Dec 2023, 8:25 am, edited 2 times in total.

Wel I'm relieved that it's normal, but that's one feature that is very hard for me. It has caused me a lot of depression, and I have been mentally beating myself up since I was a kid. because of that crap. Also, that's one of the most frustrating things for the people I love, and sometimes they yell at me for it.