Other People's Mental Health

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How do you deal with other people's mental health when your own is challenging enough?

I don't mean strangers.
I mean friends and family, especially family members who depend on you.

I have a really hard time juggling the mental health of my mum, my brother, my three kids, my partner, and now even some of his family.

The hardest for me is when people are suicidal, or if they have meltdowns and lash out emotionally / verbally. I tend to let it happen because I'm scared to set boundaries and upset anyone further. I try to be way too accommodating and I end up feeling resentment that everyone else gets to have breakdowns but I can't.

I'm so empathetic it wounds me irreparably, but I'm also mute to the extent I don't know how to counsel anyone. I end up tiptoeing between everyone else's drama, too afraid to make waves or get help for myself.

I limit contact and distance myself.
Learning that other people's mental health is not my responsibility made my (and their!) life better.
Especially with closest adults, like my mum and my husband - learning that it's her/his problem not mine was the crucial part of long-term improvement.

It's something very similar to avoiding codependency.

How do you deal with it regarding your kids?
Do they have meltdowns or anxiety / depression?

I do distance myself and I don't try to get involved. They certainly don't ask me to. It's just that it's in my face since I live with them, and I'm so empathetic / intuitive I pick it up like a sponge even from afar. My son's MH gets so bad he talks about suicide and then of course I have to be involved.

^ you have a lot to deal with, it's not fair.

I just have a maniac running up and down the hallway singing "There's Klingons on the starboard bow." ar the moment.

For some weird reason, I'd choose not to let it personally affect me.

Unfortunately, my own (stupid programmed) emotions and ego doesn't let me choose.


If I truly, truly have a choice, I'd go in and no judgment. All neutral and stable, no validation or invalidation just hearing another story...
At the same time, I won't be exploited by any other way or form.

I can do just that except...
I explode sooner than that happens no thanks for emotional dysregulation. I'm more afraid of hurting THEM than them hurting me.


And...
No. I think I'd rather deal with someone else's mental health issues than dealing with my own. I'd rather wish I don't have this nuisance, whatever this is, since age 6.

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BUMP

I'm back to this question again, wondering how people support other people's mental health without compromising their own.

Update since I got major internal changes this year; I got rid of the internal nuisance.

Most of it anyways.

My main problems now whenever I try to support someone are related to my physical health (yep, instead of mental health) boundaries, and my own personal biases and moments when my ego is somehow high, with prone to commit projections and false ideas onto someone...


Yeah; a good portion of it is to have the space to support someone by being supported myself, affording the personal issues enough or not needing said support that requires or end up creating tendencies that refocuses on me (i.e. not being dysregulated in the first place).

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I'm not very good at this myself, but I think that the key is to be there as a support and a listener and someone they can turn to but without taking on their problems as our own. Someone who is struggling is not necessarily looking for solutions, they just want to know that someone is there for them. So just being present and being someone to lean on and talk to means a lot. You don't have to become the solution to their problems and their problems don't have to and shouldn't become your problems. It will only make you a less effective support if you get sucked in. It's easier said than done, I know.

Ideally, I either don't deal with other people's mental health or limit it, if I'm in a rough spot. Boundaries are really important to me and so was learning to say no. I know that I'm useless for months if I push myself and overextend..get to slacking on self care and such. As much as it can suck when it's someone who matters to me, sometimes I do not have it in me to deal and that's reality, regardless of my thoughts on it. That said, sometimes I do push and overextend. I can plow through stuff when I feel it necessary, but I will crash and burn. Sometimes I do choose to do that if I find the person's situation takes priority over the backlash. Probably not a healthy thing to do. That was a wishy washy response. Guess I'm inconsistent with this stuff.

Old post and idk if it would help but trying to help them find other sources of support also, while still being there for them. Not only psychiatric help, but attending and taking part in social communities or groups.

One person can't shoulder all this alone.