I'm very understanding of other people who struggle yet sometimes not myself. I sometimes just try to push through and refuse help. I feel embarrassed about my struggles a lot. I start to feel guilty sometimes. I accuse my family of things. I feel embarrassed that I thought my neighbours were watching me and commenting on everything I did. I am trying to practice more self compassion. I get especially guilty if I am feeling a mood swing towards feeling euphoria. As I feel it's wrong for me to be so happy.
I get euphoria when I'm having certain things. When I thought I was going to change the world with a new religion etc. I sometimes can't even be open with my DR because I'm experiencing what I think is internalized stigma, and guilt. I need to realize I just have to try my best to take my medication and forgive myself. It's hard sometimes.
When I'm depressed it's so easy to feel upset with myself. I lash out, can't sleep, and can't remember that I'll ever feel good. When I'm reminded of my differences I feel it even more. Sometimes I accept myself and other times I'm down on myself. It could partly be that I feel misunderstood often. I write a lot. It's been helping. I try to mask a lot but it doesn't work. I know I shouldn't do that. I just feel scared around certain people.
Yesterday, 10:45 am
