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dinali
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20 Jun 2011, 6:23 am

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they don't deserve to be vilified for their self expression. they may break the gender norm(why is that a bad thing?), they may act like a stereotype but they are doing what comes naturally to them which takes courage and i cannot fault them for that nor can any of us here i should think. how many of us have been mocked for our aspie/autie traits,those that harm none? blame not the flamboyant homosexual, blame the homophobic, sexist society we live in for your woes. indeed we are human beings and we do deserve respect. all of us.

you read my mind, i was about to bring up the aspie/autie issue too :)

now, about WHERE to come out, try coming out in Egypt. better yet, try coming out as a straight girl (or guy) who believes in gay rights in Egypt. boy is that fun...
(i'm trying to sound sarcastic, hope it worked and you didn't actually buy a one-way ticket to Egypt just now)
believe me, it's a thousand times harder for a homosexual person living here, or any middle-eastern country for that matter. i had a friend who got shunned by most of his family and kicked out of his country forever- his father was some powerful political figure- because he came out. he came to Egypt to live with his aunt but he had no money, no friends, and he didn't really understand the Egyptian dialect at first. he tried to kill himself, twice, and his a$$hole father didn't even care enough to at least send a card. but i guess kicking him out is better than having him living on the streets, or killed, which is what would have happened no doubt.



joshkuthak
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20 Jun 2011, 10:37 am

VMSmith wrote:
i can't say that you do agree with me completely. i've highlighted the bits that demonstrate that. they don't deserve to be vilified for their self expression. they may break the gender norm(why is that a bad thing?), they may act like a stereotype but they are doing what comes naturally to them which takes courage and i cannot fault them for that nor can any of us here i should think. how many of us have been mocked for our aspie/autie traits,those that harm none? blame not the flamboyant homosexual, blame the homophobic, sexist society we live in for your woes. indeed we are human beings and we do deserve respect. all of us. the queer community is diverse and we should embrace that.


I get what your saying now sorry i didnt quite understand what you were saying in your first comment, i read it at one in the morning so my focus wasnt exactly the best lol. Your right though we should embrace the diversity, sorry for the confusion.



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21 Jun 2011, 7:27 am

joshkuthak: s'ok. even the best of minds don't function at that hour.

dinali: i kinda get where you are coming from. i'm from a lebanese family and am pretending to be a straight ally so i get the kind of flak you do and the assumptions about my sexuality that i'm assuming you have encountered at one point or another. thanks for not being a homophobe though, especially where you are where social conditioning stirs you against it. i'm sorry to hear about your mate. i hope he is ok now or at least with people who care.



jesuslittleaspie77
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21 Jun 2011, 7:37 am

If I had another life I was so choose to be gay as I love the GLBT community so much! :) It's sad people aren't very accepting :( but I support you guys all the way. The people who do not accept you for the way you are are not worth bothering with or where not true friends at all.



dinali
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21 Jun 2011, 8:20 am

VMSmith- and they weren't even keeping the gossip to themselves, either. throughout my highschool years, i've been called a... [insert derogatory word for lesbian here] geek. the funny thing is, i'm not even a geek (mostly), so they didn't get any part of that insult right. :)
and look, don't thank me for not being a homophobe- i'm just being reasonable. no one chooses the way they are born, and getting alienated and scorned for it is just wrong and hateful. maybe i had the advantage of reaching that conclusion sooner for being an outcast myself, or because aspies tend to be more logical thinkers, i don't know. (i'm failing to make my point here, aren't i?)
i haven't been in touch with that friend for a while now, but last i checked he was doing ok. he's not suicidal anymore, and he has managed to make lots of friends. sadly he had to go back into the closet to be socially accepted, but whatever- he's alive. (and i heard he was dating a celebrity here, but that's just gossip so far 8) )

jesuslittleaspie77- here's a cookie that i baked with lots of love and care :)



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22 Jun 2011, 1:37 pm

those ghey parades and flags are exactly why i never go. most homosexuals bring grief on themselves with that silly getup, like its ok to be proud of who you are and all but leave your G-string and glitter at home

Also i never undestood likeing the same sex but having them act the opposite sex.
it kind of defeats the purpose to me, in being a true homo. :wink:


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visagrunt
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22 Jun 2011, 2:30 pm

I find it ironic that gay men (in particular) can be so intolerant of difference.

Now, I grant you that the drag queens, the femme bois and the leathermen all create extreme images that tend to distance us from the mainstream, but I don't see that as a bad thing. After all, the contrast with the stereotypes serves to "normalize" GLBT people in the community.


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23 Jun 2011, 9:07 pm

visagrunt wrote:
I find it ironic that gay men (in particular) can be so intolerant of difference.

Now, I grant you that the drag queens, the femme bois and the leathermen all create extreme images that tend to distance us from the mainstream, but I don't see that as a bad thing. After all, the contrast with the stereotypes serves to "normalize" GLBT people in the community.

Agreed totally.

So you want to be the type who blends in with everyone else? Good for you. So do I. But I can't dictate how anyone else chooses to identify or express themselves any more than I want them to do the same for me.



Aerith
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24 Jun 2011, 10:50 am

Zen wrote:
visagrunt wrote:
I find it ironic that gay men (in particular) can be so intolerant of difference.

Now, I grant you that the drag queens, the femme bois and the leathermen all create extreme images that tend to distance us from the mainstream, but I don't see that as a bad thing. After all, the contrast with the stereotypes serves to "normalize" GLBT people in the community.

Agreed totally.

So you want to be the type who blends in with everyone else? Good for you. So do I. But I can't dictate how anyone else chooses to identify or express themselves any more than I want them to do the same for me.

I don't find it ironic that any particular group would be intolerant of difference. If they'd be tolerant, they wouldn't be a very cohesive group.

Another factor to take note of is that the loudest groups (figuratively) are not necessarily the largest groups, and, hence, not necessarily representative of an entire population. This is true in general. It's true across individual criteria such as gender, race, sexuality, culture/nationalism, politics, and nearly everything.

A third factor is that:
Quote:
"Stereotypes wouldn't be stereotypes if they weren't true."

Again, stereotypes tend to feature the characteristics of the loudest groups. Hence, taking the gay community as an example, the lithping, limp-wristed, meth-addicted bunch have the largest media presence, both due to population, attention garnered, and general...loudness. This group outshines all others, much like the sun does to all other celestial objects at midday. Thus, the entire population gets stereotyped via the characteristics of that group.

richardbenson wrote:
those ghey parades and flags are exactly why i never go. most homosexuals bring grief on themselves with that silly getup, like its ok to be proud of who you are and all but leave your G-string and glitter at home

Also i never undestood likeing the same sex but having them act the opposite sex.
it kind of defeats the purpose to me, in being a true homo.

First of all, the parades, the glitter, and the flags are important to some people. If you can't understand it, at least be respectful of it. At the very least, you'll make more friends that way.

Second, you're stipulating that sex is directly related to gender. Just because you are cis-gendered does not mean that everyone else should be as such.

As for purpose, there shouldn't be one. By defining one and implying that it is noble, you are, in essence, supporting a stereotype. One of your own, of course, but nonetheless a stereotype.

Only by being accepting and open-minded can one break free from stereotypes and stereotyping others. If that's your intent, that is.



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24 Jun 2011, 5:36 pm

Another thing is that it tends to be those loud minorities who are the ones who make change happen.



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27 Jun 2011, 1:03 pm

Aerith, life not planned out is chaos. I like for things to have atleast some order. supporting a sterotype? hardly. the whole difinition of homosexual is liking the same sex, wich means girls like girls and boys like boys, In my opinion its not girls who act like boys and boys who act like girls. as i've said before if i want to go out with a girl I'll do that one, not go out with a dude who acts like a girl


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Aerith
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27 Jun 2011, 10:16 pm

Zen wrote:
Another thing is that it tends to be those loud minorities who are the ones who make change happen.

Agreed.

richardbenson wrote:
Aerith, life not planned out is chaos. I like for things to have at least some order.

"Different strokes for different folks." That's all I can say.

richardbenson wrote:
Supporting a stereotype? Hardly. The whole definition of homosexual is liking the same sex, which means girls like girls and boys like boys, In my opinion its not girls who act like boys and boys who act like girls. As I've said before if I want to go out with a girl I'll do that one, not go out with a dude who acts like a girl.

I reiterate that you're confusing sex with gender yet again. Additionally, in the process of doing so, you manage to, seemingly unwittingly, contradict yourself.

According to my trusty Funk & Wagnalls, a homosexual is one who is "attracted by or in love with persons of the same sex." Gender, that is how they act, is not in question. By this definition, a true homosexual would be one who is attracted to only one's own sex, regardless of how they act, dress, or whatever else.



On another note, I'd like to politely ask you two consider the fact that not everyone fits into the standard binary system of gender. Some men really are paragons of masculinity. The same goes for some women. However, most people fluctuate somewhere in between the two gender extremes.



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27 Jun 2011, 10:34 pm

richardbenson wrote:
Supporting a stereotype? Hardly. The whole definition of homosexual is liking the same sex, which means girls like girls and boys like boys, In my opinion its not girls who act like boys and boys who act like girls. As I've said before if I want to go out with a girl I'll do that one, not go out with a dude who acts like a girl.


Aerith wrote:
I reiterate that you're confusing sex with gender yet again. Additionally, in the process of doing so, you manage to, seemingly unwittingly, contradict yourself.

According to my trusty Funk & Wagnalls, a homosexual is one who is "attracted by or in love with persons of the same sex." Gender, that is how they act, is not in question. By this definition, a true homosexual would be one who is attracted to only one's own sex, regardless of how they act, dress, or whatever else.



On another note, I'd like to politely ask you two consider the fact that not everyone fits into the standard binary system of gender. Some men really are paragons of masculinity. The same goes for some women. However, most people fluctuate somewhere in between the two gender extremes.


How am I contradicting myself? yes a homosexual is one who is inlove with the same sex, what I am saying is if you are a homosexual
(a true one :wink: ) you wouldnt be attracted to a boy who acts like a girl, and vice versa.

I know what gender is dude give me a break, you're thinking of transgenderd people. (wich can be homosexual) but i'm saying a true homo isnt a woman trapped in a mans body or a man trapped in a womans body. also i've seen very masculine guys like dudes like themselves and very girly girl girls all up on girl.

you dont have to be a person with the wrong parts inlove, you can have the same parts and be totally in love thats my definition of homosexuality

I know, so black and white! but its the only way i roll~

signed, The pig. :pig:


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Aerith
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27 Jun 2011, 11:58 pm

richardbenson wrote:
How am I contradicting myself? yes a homosexual is one who is inlove with the same sex, what I am saying is if you are a homosexual
(a true one :wink: ) you wouldnt be attracted to a boy who acts like a girl, and vice versa.


According to the dictionary definition (the one I gave is equivalent to nearly every other dictionary definition one would find) the true homosexual would be attracted to men who have the male genitalia, regardless of whether they act like what you think a man should act like or not. A true gay guy would be attracted to the femmy man as well.

richardbenson wrote:
I know what gender is dude give me a break, you're thinking of transgenderd people. (wich can be homosexual) but i'm saying a true homo isnt a woman trapped in a mans body or a man trapped in a womans body. also i've seen very masculine guys like dudes like themselves and very girly girl girls all up on girl.

I'm arguing that a gay man who acts effeminate is not necessarily transgendered. Out of the dozens of effeminate gay men I've known, I only know of one who actively felt wrong in her body. The rest are happy with having a male body and the respective genitalia. They're not women trapped in male bodies.

richardbenson wrote:
you dont have to be a person with the wrong parts inlove, you can have the same parts and be totally in love thats my definition of homosexuality

Cool, but your definition is, admittedly a minority. It's also rather...vague.

richardbenson wrote:
I know, so black and white! but its the only way i roll

It's not the only way if you put some effort into being open-minded. It's not that difficult.

Aside from that, even if you refuse to be open-minded, please, at least try not to be offensive in your ignorance. You won't make many friends at that way...



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28 Jun 2011, 12:20 am

A true gay guy would be attracted to a femmy guy just because he has the same parts? how about no. well, i can only speak for myself
(i'm bisexual and i find femminie guys unattractive as all hell) so where does this leave your opinion now?

leave a message after the tone. beep...

that and i'm very open minded. so dont worry about my replys on here. if they were offensive or out of line i'm shure i'd hear about it

I havent made friends kissing ass or being myself. so now i just dont care, :pig:

i'm confidant (i hope before i passaway, someone will really enjoy my company however.)

:)


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28 Jun 2011, 12:44 pm

richardbenson wrote:
A true gay guy would be attracted to a femmy guy just because he has the same parts? how about no. well, i can only speak for myself
(i'm bisexual and i find femminie guys unattractive as all hell) so where does this leave your opinion now?


At what point did we ever agree on the definitioin of a, "true gay guy?"

I think it is highly presumptuous to lay out rules about what does and does not qualify as "truly gay." As far as I am concerned, if you are sexually attracted primarily to people of the same sex, then you are a homosexual. If you life your life within the context of your homosexual orientation (i.e. no hiding behind a cover marriage with a woman), then you qualify as gay.

It does not matter a whit whether the men that you are attracted to are twinks, drag queens, femmes, leathermen, bears, cubs, gym bunnies, show queens or just the boy next door. Your attraction to men is, perforce, going to be different from mine, and each of ours is going to be different from the gay man down the street. Each of us is just as much a, "true gay guy," as the next one.

Quote:
leave a message after the tone. beep...

that and i'm very open minded. so dont worry about my replys on here. if they were offensive or out of line i'm shure i'd hear about it

I havent made friends kissing ass or being myself. so now i just dont care, :pig:

i'm confidant (i hope before i passaway, someone will really enjoy my company however.)

:)


I would be happier if your claim to open mindedness were backed up with statements of opinion that reflected open mindedness.

I do not for a moment suggest that there is anything wrong with what you find attractive and what you find unattractive. But I do suggest that there is something wrong when you call into question the validity of what other men find attractive by suggesting that those men are not, "true gay guys."


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