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A person who rejects gender roles...

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ScientistOfSound
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15 Mar 2012, 4:57 am

What would you call a person who is comfortable with their physical gender, but rejects gender roles?
I consider my gender to be fluid. I have both male and female personality traits; and often have interests that are not specific to my gender, however I am comfortable with my physical appearance. I wouldn't be afraid to cross dress or anything like that, but I don't choose to. Anybody else like me?



GreenPeas
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15 Mar 2012, 5:54 am

I'm kind of similar to you and I identify as an Androgyne/Androgynous.
Here's a nice list of many Genderqueer identities, maybe you'll find one that fits you: http://genderqueerid.com/gq-terms



MissConstrue
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15 Mar 2012, 6:39 am

I never felt I could identify sexually or traditionally my gender and yet I don't feel compelled to change myself physically because I don't feel one way or the other. I was going to make a topic about it in the women's thread but deleted it because I can't put it in the best of words. I don't see myself so much as a tomboy as just someone with both masculine and some feminine qualities however I find "being feminine" very much a challenge. If I try hard enough, I can pull the feminine look and act off but I find it extremely overwhelming and fake. I've never been great at pretending to be something I'm not. When it comes to sexuality, I'm not bisexual or lesbian but I don't find what "normal" women want or find attractive in a man. It's almost as if I more or less identify with men but take away the said gender of attraction. Not sure if I'm making enough sense. I've often wondered if there were books about this sort of stuff to help better understand myself. I find this issue frustrating and want to tear my hair every time I see people commenting about what women are attracted to and what they want in men. I'm also wondering if it's part of why I find dating hard aside from other issues. . Again I may not be putting this in the best way because there are issues I find hard to describe or put into words.


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myth
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15 Mar 2012, 11:01 am

I am this way as well. I have come to learn that atypical gender identity (which would subsequently include a lack of one) is called gender queer.

Apon additional clicking, the website linked above identifies many subtypes of genderqueer. Good resource. Personally, I don't have much need to label myself or find an accurate description of "what I am" because I am just me and I don't think gender is relevant to who I am.


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TheHouseholdCat
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15 Mar 2012, 12:14 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
I never felt I could identify sexually or traditionally my gender and yet I don't feel compelled to change myself physically because I don't feel one way or the other. I was going to make a topic about it in the women's thread but deleted it because I can't put it in the best of words. I don't see myself so much as a tomboy as just someone with both masculine and some feminine qualities however I find "being feminine" very much a challenge. If I try hard enough, I can pull the feminine look and act off but I find it extremely overwhelming and fake. I've never been great at pretending to be something I'm not. When it comes to sexuality, I'm not bisexual or lesbian but I don't find what "normal" women want or find attractive in a man. It's almost as if I more or less identify with men but take away the said gender of attraction. Not sure if I'm making enough sense. I've often wondered if there were books about this sort of stuff to help better understand myself. I find this issue frustrating and want to tear my hair every time I see people commenting about what women are attracted to and what they want in men. I'm also wondering if it's part of why I find dating hard aside from other issues. . Again I may not be putting this in the best way because there are issues I find hard to describe or put into words.

I think a lot of these traditional definitions are useless and simply make life difficult for everyone.

I think what you said made a lot of sense to me. I would have put it in similar words.

I don't think I am different to other people though. I just think I cannot fit into these categories as well as other people do. Or seem to do. I don't think I am biologically different at all. Maybe I just make sense of the information differently. :?

I think these binaries are just confusing and don't make life easier. They make life much harder because you're confused. Something that also bothers me is this necessity to come out to other people. Because people expect you to be "normal". If you fit "normal" in one way or another, then people won't expect you to declare yourself. If you do not fit "normal" though... Well, it's just discriminating. I don't feel I have to "reveal" myself to anyone.


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myth
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15 Mar 2012, 12:29 pm

RE: binary

I was once invited to a "females only" event by people who considered themselves open to gender identity diversity and therefore they specified that "all who identify as female are welcome to attend" in order to include their transgender/woman-in-a-man's-body friends. I told the organizer that I was not sure if I should attend because I do not identify as female. She replied to me with surprise "You identify as male??"

.. so much for gender identity diversity. That group was laughable for this and other reasons. Why is it that people who pride themselves on being liberal are sometimes the most restrictive?


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TheHouseholdCat
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15 Mar 2012, 12:42 pm

myth wrote:
RE: binary

I was once invited to a "females only" event by people who considered themselves open to gender identity diversity and therefore they specified that "all who identify as female are welcome to attend" in order to include their transgender/woman-in-a-man's-body friends. I told the organizer that I was not sure if I should attend because I do not identify as female. She replied to me with surprise "You identify as male??"

.. so much for gender identity diversity. That group was laughable for this and other reasons. Why is it that people who pride themselves on being liberal are sometimes the most restrictive?

I don't know... It's very contradictory.


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15 Mar 2012, 1:00 pm

ScientistOfSound wrote:
What would you call a person who is comfortable with their physical gender, but rejects gender roles?


An aspie :D I think most aspies have problems with gender roles. I know that I do.



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15 Mar 2012, 1:05 pm

CrazyCatLord wrote:
ScientistOfSound wrote:
What would you call a person who is comfortable with their physical gender, but rejects gender roles?


An aspie :D I think most aspies have problems with gender roles. I know that I do.

I sometimes think that everyone would like to reject gender roles, but no one would admit that unless they have a really big problem with it. People don't want to stick out.


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MissConstrue
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15 Mar 2012, 2:41 pm

TheHouseholdCat wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
I never felt I could identify sexually or traditionally my gender and yet I don't feel compelled to change myself physically because I don't feel one way or the other. I was going to make a topic about it in the women's thread but deleted it because I can't put it in the best of words. I don't see myself so much as a tomboy as just someone with both masculine and some feminine qualities however I find "being feminine" very much a challenge. If I try hard enough, I can pull the feminine look and act off but I find it extremely overwhelming and fake. I've never been great at pretending to be something I'm not. When it comes to sexuality, I'm not bisexual or lesbian but I don't find what "normal" women want or find attractive in a man. It's almost as if I more or less identify with men but take away the said gender of attraction. Not sure if I'm making enough sense. I've often wondered if there were books about this sort of stuff to help better understand myself. I find this issue frustrating and want to tear my hair every time I see people commenting about what women are attracted to and what they want in men. I'm also wondering if it's part of why I find dating hard aside from other issues. . Again I may not be putting this in the best way because there are issues I find hard to describe or put into words.

I think a lot of these traditional definitions are useless and simply make life difficult for everyone.

I think what you said made a lot of sense to me. I would have put it in similar words.

I don't think I am different to other people though. I just think I cannot fit into these categories as well as other people do. Or seem to do. I don't think I am biologically different at all. Maybe I just make sense of the information differently. :?

I think these binaries are just confusing and don't make life easier. They make life much harder because you're confused. Something that also bothers me is this necessity to come out to other people. Because people expect you to be "normal". If you fit "normal" in one way or another, then people won't expect you to declare yourself. If you do not fit "normal" though... Well, it's just discriminating. I don't feel I have to "reveal" myself to anyone.



What you said about coming out to other people, it's funny but in some ways I literally do feel in the closet even when it comes to my sexuality. I find myself identifying more with gay men than I do straight women. As for gender, yes I find it very confusing then again, there seems to be other women moreso from autism sites than on normal ones who from some degree relate. Perhaps part of it is our inability to conform or fake it like many NTs. I hope I'm not coming off to general, even NTs have this problem but when it comes to being socially different, it's hard enough to express myself but when there's other factors involved, it's practically impossible.


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TheHouseholdCat
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15 Mar 2012, 4:26 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
What you said about coming out to other people, it's funny but in some ways I literally do feel in the closet even when it comes to my sexuality.

I feel in the closet about almost every aspect of myself. Because I am expected to be different than what I am.

MissConstrue wrote:
I find myself identifying more with gay men than I do straight women.

I feel like this most of the time.

MissConstrue wrote:
I hope I'm not coming off to general, even NTs have this problem but when it comes to being socially different, it's hard enough to express myself but when there's other factors involved, it's practically impossible.

Yeah, I feel similar. I find it difficult to really talk about myself anyway and gender is probably the most difficult part of me. ^^


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sukilollipop
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17 Mar 2012, 11:03 am

ScientistOfSound wrote:
What would you call a person who is comfortable with their physical gender, but rejects gender roles?
I consider my gender to be fluid. I have both male and female personality traits; and often have interests that are not specific to my gender, however I am comfortable with my physical appearance. I wouldn't be afraid to cross dress or anything like that, but I don't choose to. Anybody else like me?


Is this because you don't relate to people who do feel comfortable with their gender role or you feel fluid between genders, or that you reject other people's identification with gender as well as your own gender?



ScientistOfSound
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17 Mar 2012, 3:05 pm

sukilollipop wrote:
ScientistOfSound wrote:
What would you call a person who is comfortable with their physical gender, but rejects gender roles?
I consider my gender to be fluid. I have both male and female personality traits; and often have interests that are not specific to my gender, however I am comfortable with my physical appearance. I wouldn't be afraid to cross dress or anything like that, but I don't choose to. Anybody else like me?


Is this because you don't relate to people who do feel comfortable with their gender role or you feel fluid between genders, or that you reject other people's identification with gender as well as your own gender?


It's because I refuse to be limited by something, I personally don't see why people should conform to roles anyway. I just like being me, Scientist is scientist.



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07 Apr 2012, 9:21 pm

ScientistOfSound wrote:
What would you call a person who is comfortable with their physical gender, but rejects gender roles?


If female: feminist. If male: modern man.


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07 Apr 2012, 9:28 pm

Not sure I would say that the dont conform to gender roles.



Daedelus1138
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10 Apr 2012, 10:01 am

Androgynous, especially psychologically.

I'm very similar although I'm not sure I'm all that comfortable with everything about being male physically... hence why I'm doing some laser hair removal. (I've occasionally thought about taking MTF HRT, but I need to explore my sexuality more first). I've got a Mr. Spock side but I've also got an emotionally sensitive, if a bit eccentric or ackward side. For an Aspie my empathy is better than most men in some ways (my therapist thinks I should become a psychologist, and I majored in this in college before being diagnosed), but I do have holes in it and I'm left being a sensitive introvert in my presentation.