My Aspie Son (5 years old) says he wants to be a girl.

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I was confused as to my gender at age 5, too. I thought I was my sister's sister in kindergarten.

You should let your son/daughter explore their feelings, and not try to suppress it. They'll thank you later.

There is not enough evidence to warrant a diagnosis of transgenderism or gender dysphoria. Your son might be going through a phase. There are many children who believe themselves to be the other gender and then become the norm as they get older. It is only when he persists in being a girl for an extended period of time that special attention, reflection, and counseling are needed.

If it does persist for a while, please take him to a therapist who is open minded. It would surprise you who much people's own biases and personal theories are used when seeing a child.

I am transgender and it is a medical condition where your brain is hardwired opposite of the genitalia. I consider transgenderism to be a medical condition that needs treatment (the treatment being transitioning to make the body reflect the brain).

Keep a careful eye on your son. Also, ask your "son" feels the way he does. It might provide clues whether it is a misunderstanding or something deeper.

By the age of six I wanted to be a boy. Actually, I think I was just realizing that inside I am more male than female. That is, as to how my mind works, my interests and the fact that I only fall in love with females. But I have never wanted to have my body altered to match my internal identity. When very young, I felt gypt because I didn't have a penis. Later, I realized I have one, it's just really, really small!

In my late teens, I thought of myself as lesbian/gay. But I now think of "gay" as more of a social identity, and maybe due to AS I have no social identity so now do not call myself "gay" or "lesbian". I am just a biological female who feels and often acts more like a male or androgenious person and is attracted to females. My parents are also AS so they thankfully didn't notice all this or make any fuss over my gender irregularities. So I ended up being accepting of how and who I am and not feeling a need to fit into any box. I think your son will be fine if you do the same.

I have always felt like I was part male and part female...I did not accept being bisexual until I was in my late 20's though.
I was a tomboy and had no other girl friends until I was in middle school only because the guys became pervs.

I have a suggestion.

I admit that I don't know much about the experience of being transgender, so if what I say is completely wrong, then just ignore it.

If your son is having trouble making friends, then he may want to be a girl because he thinks that girls are better at being social. If this is the case, I would focus on praising his unique traits as a male aspie, so that he doesn't feel that he needs to be a female NT.

Then again, he really could be feeling what so many LGBT people feel at his age. It just depends.

I've felt like a male trapped in a female's body as far back as I can remember. I hated being a girl. I just hated it. I wanted boys clothes, I preferred boys colours, I watched boys shows and cartoons and I kept bugging my mum to let me have short hair until she did when I was 9. I also played with boys toys as well. All of my role models were men. All of my favourite TV characters were male. I'd sing all of the songs that were recorded and performed by male bands and artists. One time when I was 9, my mum told me to put all my cars away and start playing with my dolls. Her reasoning was, "You're a girl." It felt like she shot me right in the heart when she said that. I prayed that I would grow up to look like a dark haired, dark eyed man when I grew up and I ended up looking like a slightly oversized version of Mick Avory who is a generous size himself. That was a real blessing after the crap that I've gone through as a child and a teenager.

To be honest, there is no way of knowing at age 5 if this will last into adulthood or not; although it is the case that the average age at which trans people first realise that they are not comfortable in their assigned gender is at 8, but the average age of actually undergoing medical transistion is still up in the 40's, although the average age of transition is gradually coming down, this skew is coming from a wave of older people realising that transition is an avalible option, and we are simultaneously seeing a more young people approaching medical institutions in order to receive hormones and/or surgery. The expectation is that the age, and numbers of people transitioning will level out again, as it comes to reflect the actual population of trans people for who transitioning is the right option. Anyway, the fact is that your son may or may not grow up to be trans, but there is no way to know for certain at this age, many non gender conforming kids will grow into their assigned genders, some of who will grow up gay; whilst others will continue to have a disconnect between the gender which they were assigned at birth, and their gender identity.

At age 5, there's no way of knowing for certain, the best you can do is give him the freedom to express himself and develop naturally, the answer to your question will become apparent over time. If it turns out that you're son is your daughter, and you have ensured that you have made yourself approachable enough for her to speak to you about this, then her gender identity will become more apparent as she approaches puberty. At this age, there are then options such as hormone blockers (dependent on which country you live in) which halt the onset of puberty until such an age where the child is able to make an informed decision as to how they wish their body to develop; but that is not something which you'll have to think about for several years, and by then is could easily be the case that your son no longer feels this way.

I'm a little confused. Your son wants to be a girl, but doesn't like his "girl" voice, and does not love himself, only others?

Firstly: Most little boys can sound like a girl. Is he getting teased for having a higher than normal voice?? If so, just reinforce that he needs to talk like himself, not how others want him to talk or expect him to talk.

Secondly: It's concerning that such a young child does not love himself. I would reinforce that he was made perfect in your eyes and that you wouldn't change a thing about him. It's more important for him to grow up liking who he is now, rather than worrying about what he may become as a teen/adult.

Thirdly: Sometimes adults treat girls nicer. They can get better gifts and its been proven they get held/hugged/kissed more often than boys do. Maybe he feels a little jealous of girls and that's why he says he wants to be one.
Try asking him. Ask him to tell you (in his own words) what a girl is and what a boy is. Then may be he will explain why he feels like he
wants to "be" a girl. *Be sure to stress that it is perfectly normal and okay for boys to dress up like girls/women/adults/cowboys/nurses, etc.
At this age, it IS 100% Normal for boys and girls to want to dress like the opposite sex. (It's strange how parents don't freak when a girl dresses up like a firefighter or soldier)

Fourthly: Relax! You're a great Mom for being concerned and searching for answers, but I'm sure at this stage in his development, you can't predict how he'll turn out. Just keep loving him and accepting him for the individual person he is!

I remember feelings as if I was supposed to have been born a boy, but now looking back I wonder if it's really just because I was sick of my mother insisting I wear "girl" clothes that were ugly and extremly uncomfortable. The incident I remember most was one time in Sunday school. My mother insisted I wear a dress because I was a girl and that's how girls are supposed to dress...espicaly at church. I saw the boys wearing blue jeans and Lion King T shirts. I remember wishing I had been a boy just so I could have been more comfortable.

My Aspie daughter used to insist she was a male at around 3 years old. At first we were worried, but then thought: This doesn't change anything. She is just who she is and we are going to love her no matter what, so we will take the pressure off and quit asking that question and let her show us who she is.

At this point, (age she says she is a girl and she likes wearing girl's clothing and wants to have children and marry a man. She seems like she is on track to be a female, but, she likes to play with toy animals more than dolls. I admit I am relieved, but mostly because it's not an easy road for a TG person.

I have a transgendered sibling who has Asperger's, but, I think that a lot of what makes someone feel like they even have to declare a sex is society and my sibling got too much of what she couldn't like or behave like unless she was a girl. How does this tiny part of our flesh determine so much? She says " Other than procreation, there is really no point of males unless it's protection against other males." In other words, she can see no value to the theatrics that males unknowingly have more of than females. I believe that women are actually the more liberated of the sexes in many ways. *Maybe* you can help your child by allowing him to know that it's ok to express the so called feminine things as a male.

As far as voice: When I was 6 years old, I decided that my own voice sounded like a boy when I heard it in a tape recording. I did not like to listen to it because it sounded much different than I did to myself.

A major tip, never treat this as a 'dirty' secret. That could hurt the child, if he wants to be a girl support it and let him wear the clothes he deems correct with the gender he feels identified with.

When I was that age, I was adamant that I was a boy. But it turned out I was just a tomboy and I pretty much stayed like that. For others I knew, it wasn't just a phase - they really were trans. I say let the kid be whatever he or she wants to be. They'll let you know if they change their mind. You could talk to a professional who specializes in gender dysphoria, just incase.

I'm no expert, but I have worked with LGBT kids for most of my life. I've noticed that lots of kids identify as the opposite gender (opposite to their biological sex), and some of them grow up to be transgendered, but some grow up to be comfortable with their biological sex and associated gender.

Regardless of how your child will identify as an adult, these feelings are real and should not be dismissed as "just a phase". It sounds like your intentions are good! It is also important not to overreact. I believe that if your child wants you to change how you treat him/her, s/he will let you know.