What's your coming out story?

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I am considering coming out to my family as bi. I have known since I was a teenager that I was bi but since I married a man (and my family didn't ever seem to notice that my girlfriend was my Girlfriend and not just a friend), it was a part of me that has been invisible to my family. Generally, I'm not interested in my family having anything at all to do with my sexuality but I feel that being out is important for me. My uncle is out bi (coming out in the 70s) and though there was some family difficulties after with a few relatives, he still made people aware and helped educate and inspire some compassion in certain members of the family. I feel the social responsibility to be out and I'm mentally preparing myself for the best way for me to do it.

I was wondering what your coming out experience was like and what advice you might have. Right now I'm reading up on bisexuality so I can constructively discuss any questions my relatives will have.

I'm interested in any coming out stories (LGBTQ, fluid, pan, you name it) just in general, plus, any way you feel Aspergers/autism might have influenced your coming out experience.

Also, thanks for your time. This is important to me and I appreciate any advice you're willing to share.

Goodness, My coming out story was actually not voluntary. My mother found out on her own over time, and the first incident was NOT fun.
I ended up writing a letter to this guy I like, and somehow the principal found it. Well, me as a student at a small Christian school, the principal surely didn't hesitate to call my mother into the office to talk about this. So after all that, the school day had ended by then. When I got home, my mother came into my room and started crying, blah blah, the rather melodramatic stuff ("What's Going on in your mind?", "This is Unhealthy and Unnatural!", so on and so on), and all that jazz, including rather unnecessary and uncalled for denial. She basically "punished" me (Using the excuse: "You need less communication with the boy you like", which is really over dramatic and uncalled for) by taking away my Laptop, internet access, etc. I eventually got it back a month or two later.
But Recently, My privacy was invaded, and my Mother had found out I liked another guy, and maybe that brought back some fresh memories of the incident a few years earlier. But this time, she was much more calm and soft spoken. Nevertheless, she was upset. She wanted me to get "counseling" in hopes of turning me around (Ex-gay counseling, which actually and most obviously does NOT work, rather it scars the gay individual). This was a few months ago. I THINK shes lighted up on the fact I'm Gay/Bi curious/Bisexual (I kind of wonder whether I'm Gay or Bi nowadays...), but I wouldn't want to rush that matter now.
When my older sibling found out, she cried too. But she cried out of sorrow for what Mother was trying to do to me (Ex-Gay "Counseling). Thankfully, they were more accepting.
Has Asperger's Syndrome influenced this? Maybe, very much for me. We "Aspies" (As we are called, and this would probably include and ASD individual as well) don't like to live in fear, especially when an incident like this has occurred. So essentially, I went through a stage of being mentally tormented, and it was awful.
So...yeah. My age of involuntary coming out was not really positive. I'm sorry for the Long-ish post. I hope that if you do come out of the closet to your family, that It will be a more positive and voluntary experience than mine.

Wow, what a story! Thanks for sharing it with us, Marylandman889. It must have been very stressful. But the way you put your story in your post makes me feel that you have overcome your stress. You don't seem to have been affected by the negative attitude of some people around you. Is the age that you have in your profile your real age? I can't help feeling that you are very mature and very sure of yourself. Have you told the guy that you like how you feel about him, if you don't mind my asking?

And I'm sorry, OP, but I don't have any story to share because I have not come out. I don't even know if I ever will. I just assume my family are already aware of my sexuality.

I've come out several times.

First time was when I was 15 to my parents, but I hated having to deal with everything and just wanted to not get stressed with it, so I faked everything being perfect and wonderful, and it wasn't, but I could be depressed and miserable, but not have to deal with others.

Then I came out again when I was 22 again to my mother that I was still trans. But I ran out of money to do anything about it.

I graduated college, got a job, and finally three years ago, I decided I could do something about it. I wanted to keep it on the down-low to avoid dealing with people, but things have a way of getting out. I came out to my best friend and he was supportive. As I could deal with people, I came out to them one by one, but then a half year later, the church I went to found out through another friend who didn't phrase something the right way and the person she was talking to guessed it was me, and then the gossip started. I ended up coming out to my church leadership and was pretty open about it if asked, but I was not ready to go full time, so unless people knew second hand, they wouldn't know.

I then joined a gaming group and became good friends and I came out to them, and they've been supportive.

I'm still not out at work, although I do have two coworkers who know.

My bisexulity has not been too much a problm to my family. My sister was th first person one might say I caem out to; shes my best frind and I shared evrything with her growing up becuse in a way she was my surogate mother as my father was abusive and my mothre often negligent, so I told her barely a day aftre about my first voluntary sexual encuonter with a man when I was 16. She had no problem with it, and later, in my earlly twenties, I talkd about my sexulity to my brothers - I was afraid to att first becuse I didn't want them to percive me as unmanly or some suchh thing but I knew they wuold notice eventually. My youngest brothre was ok with it, becuse he's apparently bisexual too, thuogh my other brother continues to have a problm with it for a variety of reasons - for exmple, he is ok with our other brother's relationships, but he is not ok withh mine mostly becuse while our brothre is a top only, I am versatiel, and he thinks its unmanly and not respcting oneself apparenntly if your not the top in anal sex. He has strange ideas, but usualy if I dont bring it up aruond him, he doesnt care. Most of everyone else in my familly knows, and in general theyy are ok with it, becuse they are very sexually fluid themselves. My mother died a long time ago, and I nevre told my father because he alwys made a point to use homosexul slurs on me as insults growing up, but he fuond out from other members of the family, but he was nevre proud of me to begin withh so hasnt changed our relationship.

Not sure I have any advice other than be honest, straightforward, and don't feel compelled to go into too much detail.

My coming out as gay was not completely my choice. A (now former) brother in law had discovered my 'secret' and was using it to manipulate certain family members. I came out in order to end his perverse mind games. Until then, I had made no real secret of my sexuality, and had assumed that everyone had figured it out long before, but the family is hundreds of miles away and had not put the clues together. Once I disclosed, everyone was fine with it. (Except BIL, who was psycho)

Thanks everyone for your replies. I guess I should share, too, that I used to be out but after being bashed a lot and losing my long time girlfriend I just stopped saying anything about it. Being very femme and married to a man I'm one of the invisible bisexuals. I've realized how important it is for me personally to come out though, hence the change of heart.

Best wishes, happymusic.

Thank you, OddButWhy.

When I came out to my parents as male-to-female trans, they were confused. They immediately asked whether I am gay, to which I answered no in the sense that I was into women and not men.

I explained how I felt to them, but they didn't believe me. They told me that they could tell I was a boy, and repeatedly said that there weren't any signs of my gender dysphoria. There were, they just didn't see what was happening inside my mind. They "knew" that I was male because they've known me for so long; they thought they knew me better than I know myself. In my teenage years I was quite misogynistic - my parents used this against me, of course. I guess they hadn't heard of outspoken homophobes turning out to be gay.

They blamed my Asperger's Syndrome, with the argument that my feelings of being female we're caused by an Asperger's obsession with transsexualism. Asperger's obsessions last months, not a decade, Mom. Additionally, I still had my periodic Asperger's obsessions while being gender dysphoric at the same time. My mom used the claim that Asperger's makes me see things as only black and white, rather than shades of gray. Rather than seeing myself as someone slightly in the middle - her definition seemed to mean gay or crossdresser - she assumed that my Asperger's made me go with the most extreme answer of being transsexual immediately.

My mom blamed me for ruining her life: her life's dream was to have one son and one daughter, and I was shattering that. I didn't ask to be created; in fact, I constantly wish I weren't. She also wanted grandkids, and my sister didn't - and still doesn't - look promising in that regard, either.

My dad was especially concerned with how my gender issues would look to their neighbors and friends. He used the example of one of my mom's right-wing religious friends. (My dad and I are atheist; my mom doesn't practice anything but seems to have some spirituality.)

My parents a few months later suspected something was up, and started opening packages. (I was 22.) I had been on hormones for a month and had ordered more online. They immediately threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't "stop using illegal drugs". This actually would have been a legitimate reaction had my package contained recreational drugs - they saw things that way.

I was still in college and had no money. I had no friends or accepting family I could go live with. So I stopped the hormones. This was the worst day of my life, and put me into a depression from which I still haven't recovered, some 10 years later.

Sorry for the wall of text, but you asked =)

I think this is a great idea for a thread, OP. Hope everything goes well with your family.

My coming out was largely uneventful, probably because my parents never had a problem with homosexuality. They brought my sisters and me up to be tolerant of other people. Still didn't stop me from being afraid to come out, and lying to everyone. Quite effectively, for the most part ... which is odd for an Aspie, but fear will do that to you.

In the end, I got sick of lying, so I eventually (after wussing out a couple of times) told my mother and youngest sister two years ago that I am gay. They were accepting and supportive; so was everyone else ... when my mum and sister told them. Yep, I let them do the talking – and, being the talkative people that I knew they were, everyone that needed to know found out in no time at all.

Kinda boring by LGBT standards, but it's still something I'm proud of doing. And yes, there are a few people I've copped flak from, but by and large most people have been supportive. Just make sure you know whom you want to tell and when you think it's safe to do so (remembering that you don't actually have to tell anyone).

Best of luck, OP.

Kittylover, what a difficult time you've had. Thank you for sharing.

Murihiku, it's so great your family is so accepting. Thank you for your story, too.

I should update my story, too. Today I finally came out to my mother. She was so kind and accepting and told me she would always love me no matter what. It was good. I haven't told anyone else in the family and honestly I don't care as much about how they react. I'm not that close to the others so I won't really go out of my way. I know some of them are probably homophobic, so I hope that my coming out will help lessen their fears. Thanks again everyone. I hope this thread can keep going. Maybe it can help other LGBTQ autistics.

Wow, happymusic! I'm glad it went well! It's always heartening to see positive coming out stories.

I am not out to my family. Some days I feel like just blurting it out but that's probably not the best way to do it. One of these days...

Thank you, the_grand_autismo!! I was scared, but she was so kind and people have been so encouraging this weekend that it makes me feel good. Thanks again!

I went over to my mom, sat down and said "mom, I am bi sexual." She got a constipated look and sad It was my business and what happen in my bed room stayed in my bedroom. Like being bi was just about sex, and somehow the fact that I am bi also put her under the impression that I was going to start having orgies and random sex with strangers and do things a dominatrix sex slave would do. I had a hard time convincing her that was not the case. When I finally convinced her that just because I was also attracted to woman as well as men did not mean that I would be doing those things she calmed down immensely.
I still have not told my dad since he makes nasty LG jokes all the time, jeez....when will he get tired of calling LGBT people fruit cakes and f****n fa***ts....among other things.

Okay . . .

When I got into middle school I did a mental tally of who all I'd been attracted to in my life, and realized I was bisexual. This process was not particularly drastic for me at all. It was just a shrug worthy "Oh, okay" and a smile, and going on with life. I didn't tell other people because I didn't think it was important, and I didn't talk to a lot of people or talk very much at all anyway.

Around high school I actually started mentioning it. I would keep it to myself unless the topic came up, since I didn't consider it any more important than my personal dress sense or my name. Just another aspect of myself, and since I don't go around telling people every detail of myself all the time . . . at least, i don't think I do . . . I didn't bring it up much. My peers came to know it from the times I had mentioned it, however, and took it in stride since the people I hung out with were open minded about a lot of things.

One time I was at a friend's house and her brother tentatively told me he was gay, so I smiled and told him I'm bisexual and he got excited. Another time I blurted it out in front of a former sister in law and she approached me later to tell me I was brave, even though for me it didn't require much of any courage. Yet another time I told my mom and she said, "I know."

Then more recently I looked at the definition of pansexual and, given that I am attracted to people outside the gender binary, I decided I'm pansexual, not bisexual. Back in middle school when I affixed bisexual to my identity I was aware of crossdressing but not of the complexities of gender identity.

My coming out story is more like, "I'm out but I don't mention it and therefore some people i know don't know that I'm bi- er, pansexual." Which is an odd sort of out that might not count. I'm not sure. I'm so casual with it that it hasn't been an all-at-once, life changing moment for me like it seems to be for a lot of people.