Coming Out: Is It a Good Idea or Bad Idea?

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I have talked with many people in the LGBT community both out of and in the closet and have gotten different answers. My friend, Shawma, regrets coming out and says that its nobody's business who you love or how you love them. Having just recently discovered my bi/pansexuality, I wonder what my fellow Aspies think. So which is it?

there is good and bad in it (voted I don't know, really I mean "it depends")

for me, I could not really have lived an honest life had I not, nor found anyone I cared about.

On the other hand it led to rejection by my family and being out has led to hate crimes.

coming out as what exactly?

I say it depends on the situation.

Overall though, I must say it is nobodies business but your romantic partner.

I also really don't care about other people's sexual orientations. I didn't care long before I came out to myself. I just don't see the big deal coming out as LGB.

Honestly for me, I feel like telling people attracts too much unwanted attention. I feel like telling people is just trying to get attention, and I don't like drawing attention or appearing to.

Depends on many factors.

Such as where you live, family, friends, etc.

Ultimately, I believe sexuality is a private matter. I really can't stand those people who try to 'out' everyone. However, I do think it helps for famous people to come out.

You should weigh the personal benefits. If you believe that it would allow you to feel more yourself and that you're not hiding a secret from everyone around you, it might really help relieve internal tension and anxieties.

However, one must also consider if those who you would tell are open and understanding. The backlash from telling a very conservative family may just result in some 'shunning' effect and increase tension, instead.

There is no straight answer (no pun intended) aside from the one you determine, yourself.

I think that what people should remember is that life is short, and it's important to be true to yourself.

I wasted 8 years being a best friend of a guy that I absolutely adored and wanted to have sex with. He had no idea until 8 years on into our friendship when I was 20 & him 21 I got the courage to tell him. He wanted nothing more to do with me.
I still have feelings for him, and he's 40 now and I'm 39.
I've had no contact with him since I told him. However, if he got in touch with me and wanted to be my BF I'd DEFINATELY say "YES!! !! !" even though it is 19 years later.

That taught me to be upfront (but also diplomatic). I'd wasted 8 years. So now if I fancy someone I tell them far sooner into the friendship. Maybe after a few months rather than the 8 years it took me before.

Honestly, I'd say it was more negative. Though it depends on whether or not you're selfish and don't care about how others view you. I for one care how others view me, so that is why I keep my trans side to myself.

Depends on the situation and the people who you're coming out too.

Personally I think sexuality is a private matter and not something to make a big deal out of.

I think all too often LGBT folk, especially teens, feel the need to be attention-grabbing about it.

If you want to be out and proud, you don't "come out", you just express your inner self.

For example, if you're a gay or bi teenager and your opposite sex friends are talking about someone attractive of the same sex, there's no need to say "I am gay and I think (x) looks better", it is better to say "Not really, (X) is a lot more better looking" than actually say your sexuality. Just be happy to show your LGBT side, don't identify with it, live it.

Do you understand what I am trying to say?

I just kind of don't like it when LGBT teens and young adults feel the need to run around saying "Hey everyone, I'm (X)".

I think just showing that you are it without needing to actually say it makes you look like a prouder person in the end.

Instead of feeling the need to make yourself look more different, it's better to not make a big deal about it and instead make it look like you barely care at all, because you shouldn't.

Other people should love you for who you are, and not make a big deal out of your sexual orientation or gender.

If you love you for who you are and not make a big deal out of your sexual orientation or gender, it is more likely others will as well. Get it?

@Outrider: I don't think the primary purpose of coming out is to appear different. I don't think that's really a purpose at all.

It's primarily with your family or close friends and is setting up an official declaration under controlled conditions (you can determine when the time is right/feels comfortable) and getting all of the "surprises" out at once. This is so that you can feel free to be who you are from that point forward without being concerned of what people will do 'when they find out'. Having your family find out you are gay by walking in the door with a boyfriend isn't exactly optimal for many types of family environments. If you've already told them you are gay, and then later on are seen with your boyfriend, it's not going to come as much of a shock and is set up to be a less awkward situation for everyone.

If you're still in school, don't bother.
If you're in a job where your sexuality could get you fired, don't (or at least you can find another job that is LGBT friendly)
If you live with homophobic parents and would get kicked out, don't.

If you don't have these problems, feel free to come out if you feel it would put less pressure on yourself. Just may end up having to remove a few a**holes from your life as there's bound to be 1 or 2 who are anti-gay.