Gay girls and Asperger's

Post Reply New Topic

I'm bisexual.

The thing is being an Aspie doesn't alter the usual proportion of gay/straight/bi etc girls so there are most likely hundreds of lesbian Aspies.
I know people have probably said it to you before but labels really don't matter and it just matters that you are comfortable with whoever you are.
I am sort of in a similar situation in that I am sexually and emotionally attracted to girls but I feel that I may be also sexually attracted to guys a bit, but I've never had sex with a guy so I don't really know. So a lot of people that know me call me a lesbian but that doesn't quite feel right, but bi doesn't feel right either because I am not emotionally attracted to guys (as in a romantic relationship sense, not platonically)
So basically none of the labels fit me so I just let everyone else use whatever they want to use to help them understand me and I take no notice and just be who I am =)

And I guess there are some funny attitudes in the lesbian community as there are int he straight community. There will always be people who are uncomfortable about something about you, but it doesn't really matter. And I think because the lgbt community has been given quite a bit of s**t over the years it has become quite protective and mirrors what a proportion of the straight community has done - been adamant that 100% straight is the only way to go.
I am having trouble explaining what I mean but if sexuality didn't matter to everyone, everyone would live all happily and in harmony (in that aspect) but because there are stil a lot of people who think it matters, people are forced into camps of gay or straight and because there are many people who are in between, the ones in either camp want to know if they are with them or against them so to speak. It's strange but perhaps human nature?
But have definitely heard of 5 star before amongst lesbians, but does it really matter?! I think not.

from what i understand most aspies actually have a great sense of humor. if you like someone, focus on what you are good at. crack jokes around her. and be yourself. I actually have girls like me just because of how dorky i am. i really wouldn't worry about the aspergers being a turn off. you don't want a girl that doesn't like you as who you are. it really doesn't matter that much whether she really likes you or not. sometimes its more of a spectrum than a discrete yes or no. IF YOU THINK YOU LIKE HER THO, you should make a move. If you are shy like me, try making her laugh. There is no guarantee that you will succeed, but i think thats the beautiful part, the unknown make the success so much sweeter. good luck!! ! and from my experience, chances is that more girls actually like you than you ever think was possible. Believe me. Before i met my best friend now who was crazy observant, i cannot believe how many girls i have missed =D again, liking someone is a spectrum, they may like you immediately after they met you, but the rest you have to make it happen!! good luck.

I feel the same way. I'm in college too and I really don't socialize unless it's on twitter. I see several relationships on there and it makes me sad. I have been in a few relationships too.

I am currently researching this very same topic and am hoping to learn more.

Queer autie girl here It is a struggle! I am your typical boyish in appearance queer girl, which people 99% of the time associate with being the dominant, more forward female but that isn't me at all so I'm pretty unlucky haha.

I'm going to channel someone well beyond my age. Psychically I'm only 30 but my friend in my head is 80.

"I am a teacher of magic. You must first learn to know what and what your deepest thoughts are. Know the desires of your body, not the desires of the heart, but those of your core being. When you find this out, you are ready to know who you are at heart. This is the part of your life when you discover what you desire sexually.

Watch a few few movies that have sexy actors and listen to a few band with sexy music or music that fits your desires. Learn from these what your desire most in a relationship and build from this. It is "you" that you are pleasing in your quest for a lover. If the lover is right, he will be seeking the same on his own quest for union.

I'm a girl with aspergers, I am still unsure about my sexuality fully. To give you a clear idea on it and to be specific as I can, I fancy women about 75-80% of the time and men the remainder percentage. Technically I'm probably bisexual, but I feel that it has connotations of being a typical female and being an indecisive attention seeker, which I think is bollocks, but society doesn't. I'd love a girlfriend and for her to be my wife eventually, but I find women sometimes unbearable to read and that makes me want to be attracted to men predominantly. In which case a husband would probably be more ideal for my own sanity and my family's. Although not all women are implicit about language and mannerisms, so I'd like a direct and straight to the point kind of woman, older, so it's more likely she'll look after me because I find motherly women so attractive. I know what you're thinking, I do not find my own mum attractive! I have a terrible relationship with her infact.

I'm an asexual Aspergian lesbian. Um...what's the difference between gay and lesbian, then? I can never figure out what the LGBT [that still sounds like a sandwich to me] stand for and what the difference is between all the different categories.

Gay is generally referring to homosexual men, although gay has been adopted by lesbians too. So the term gay can be used for men and women who are attracted to the same sex.

Lesbian is exclusively used for gay women, as you know well.

Haha, you're thinking of BLT sandwich. (Bacon, lettuce,tomato)
L=lesbian
B=bisexual
G=Gay
T=transgendered/transsexual

^Ah, BLT. That's it. So I'm an asexual lesbian Aspergian from another world in love with a male to female transgender lesbian? Sounds good to me!
All my love to everyone who needs cheering up!

I'm gay and have an ASD diagnosis too. I was reading about Simon Baron Cohen who does autism research in Cambridge. He was doing a talk on sexuality and autism so I email him. I asked if girls on the spectrum are more likely to be gay than typical people. He said that yes, you are statistically more likely to be gay if you're a female with some form of ASD. I thought it was pretty interesting.

It's so confusing! Trying to do this sort of thing in general, I mean. In your first description of your hike, it sounded like she did like you to me. But then, she slept with somebody else... I had a similar situation a couple of years ago. This girl would do things that made me think that she was flirting with me. Some of them were really straightforward. For example, once she kissed my neck and another time she asked me if I wanted to make out. But then sometimes it would seem like we were just friends. And I was terrified to say anything to her. And I wouldn't notice that she was flirting until the moment had already passed, so I never responded appropriately. And she was also having sex with other people sporadically throughout the whole time.

I found this "flirting guide" online. It's not one of those silly "10 ways to..." It's actually based on social science research and explains a lot of cues related to attraction. It certainly helped me be able to analyze situations, but it still didn't help me analyze them quickly enough to respond in time. But maybe you're better at that than I am Or maybe it just takes practice. http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

There's one other thing- some advice from a (more NT?) friend that was a perspective I hadn't thought about before and maybe is relevant. When I explained my whole situation to her, she said that she thought this girl was "using me" as a "back-up." That she probably has low self-confidence and wants to know that I like her so that she can feel better about herself. When I thought about it, it seemed like it could be true because this girl would definitely flirt more when she was feeling down about herself and she was seeing other people. It's a thing to watch out for I guess. I dunno- there's the idea that we deserve to be somebody's first choice. It's hard to look at it that way sometimes when its so hard to date and its so exciting that somebody is showing interest in you. But still, its a thought.

Good luck with all that!