1. Don't be ashamed to question and explore your sexuality. It seems like you are already doing that, so that's great. Just remember that it always takes effort to attempt to understand oneself, even decades later. Sexuality is fluid and ever-changing. What you like today may not be what you like tomorrow.
2. Don't get hung up on labels. You might be gay, or mostly gay, or mostly straight, or bisexual, or straight, or asexual or transgender (you'd probably know by now if you were trans, but maybe not), or gender neutral, or genderqueer, or any number of other names. What a lot of people don't tell you is that you can be any label you want to be. Your sexuality is YOURS and no one else's, and you get to decide for yourself what feels right. People like to think that they get to decide your sexuality, but they don't. Only you can. You can like this girl and still decide you're straight, it's all up to you. (My partner is bisexual, and our friends tell him all the time that he can't be bisexual because he has dated only men for the last 15 years. Of course he can be bi. He can be whatever he says he is.)
3. Don't get too hung up on this one girl. It's ok to like her from a distance, even if you like her A LOT, as long as you recognize and accept that it probably will never happen with her. Don't hang around her forever hoping that she'll one day wake up and realize she loves you too. If it is unrequited as you say, that is very, very unlikely to happen. She'll probably meet someone else and fall in love with them (sorry). If you can be ok with that and if you can walk away and be happy for her and you can be open to meeting new people, then it is ok to keep liking her. If not, you have to help yourself to work on liking her less.
4. If you're still questioning whether you like girls or guys more, try looking at models in magazines of both sexes (don't look at porn because you could get in trouble for that). Take time to notice what is attractive about them, and decide whether you think they are sexy or just beautiful. Think about getting intimate with them and see if one sounds better than the other. If not, that's fine. It's ok to like both, or neither. My sister had huge crushes on two girls in her high school. She thought she might have gay feelings. She never dated either of them, and she eventually got over them both and fell in love with a guy and married him. She never liked any other girls and considers herself straight, which is just fine.
5. Remember that there is always a tomorrow, and every new day means things will change in some way. What feels like the only thing that matters now will not be important in a few years.
_________________
You don't need to hide, my friend, for I am just like you.
27 Mar 2015, 5:35 pm
(I wrote about her in a forum on this website. It's called "I have a crush...on a girl...who's a lesbian"). I like to say I have a real crush on her. Unfortunately, my love for her is unrequited... Please give me some advice or at least encouragement. Share your stories with me and maybe they'll help me start mine.
