LGBTI aspergirls: A small warning about "22 Things..."

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Firstly, I'll preface this by saying that I think Rudy Simone's book 22 Things A Woman With Asperger's Wants Her Partner To Know is great, and useful. In my current relationship, I marked the text with green, amber and red post-it notes to signify points that applied, sort of applied, or didn't apply to me. For the most part, my partner found this valuable, and it was fun to share and talk about.

But, there was one sentence that caused a negative reaction. We discussed it and sorted it out, but I'm a bit annoyed that the book introduced unnecessary uncertainty in my partner, and subsequently made me feel bad too.

So, if you are an Aspergirl, dating another female, and are thinking of giving her this book to read, I'd like to warn you about this sentence on page 78:

Thanks for posting this, it is good to know these sorts of things before buying!

I have not read this one yet (have not yet been successful in finding a girlfriend, much less a partner), but I have read Simones other book, and that one completely ignores the existence of queer aspergirls, so it does not surprise me to learn that there are homophobic sentiments in this other book.

I guess without the context it makes it seem more phobic. Being bi I get the 'just a phase' argument coming at me from every direction and I get really, really tired of it.

Girlfriend vs partner - I used partner because that is what the title of the book is, but I do consider partner a higher level of commitment, and if I've been with someone long enough to say they are my partner, I'd hope they would be fiancee in the near future. I'm just applying that to my own personal life though, and it is still entirely theoretical at this stage!

I noticed this when I read it and felt extremely uncomfortable about it but felt if I pointed it out at the time that I would be causing an unnecessary fuss about it that other people would see as a non issue but it's good to know that isn't the case.

I think this could have been worded better but she probably didn't go into it for reasons of word count.

It would be better to say that many aspie girls and women who don't yet know that the are aspie may be drawn to that when it isn't really them, because they are dealing with very constrictive gender role and stereotypes while being aspie and are struggling to make sense of it.

After you know you are aspie, if you are drawn to the LGBTAI community then, its almost always for the right reasons and I rarely see those misunderstandings of self.

Speaking as a Psychiatric Nurse, I'd say that sentence isn't homophobic but very, very incorrect. This author didn't do their homework! Many of my patients should not have even been in my ward. There was NOTHING wrong with them - they were simply homosexual. I might get beat up for this but I believe if you're testing the waters, then you are gay.
A person can be gay/lesbian and aspie too. An aspie may run back to the straight world because it's safer especially because they lack social cue recognition and think often in black and white. It is community that drives a person toward their destiny. If you can't navigate the social realm, you end up running back to what feels safer and what you've been conditioned to believe "even if it's a lie".
If an aspie is testing the waters, then they are gay AND aspie. That feminine side vs. masculine side is a crock of poop.
Recently, a gay teen played a very wicked game with my niece. Because she lacks social cue recognition, she was an easy target for a gay teen who played the part of her boyfriend for a good 2 and a half months so he could get Ivy league college money from his gay-hating grandfather who is on his deathbed. When people live a lie, EVERYBODY gets hurt. Social conditioning and dress has nothing to do with the TRUE nature of the individual. I discussed my niece's situation with her at length. Anyone would say to her,"Yolanda, how did you not know?".
Yolanda would answer, "Well, he asked me out so that means he's straight." She wasn't looking at his appearance or mannerisms. In her mind, she thought if he were gay, then he should be asking a guy out. The problem is that this person had a hidden agenda. Aspies don't understand hidden agendas. As a matter of fact, because an aspie doesn't understand hidden agendas, they are even more so gay if they are testing the waters. Also, people who hate gays aren't necessarily phobic. They really hate gays - nothing to do with phobia. They'd kill you if given the chance. The most dangerous thing for a gay person to say to a gay-hater is "You're afraid of what you don't understand." They DO understand and they hate gays. There's nothing to explain - better to get away from such an individual QUICKLY.

Phobia can also mean hatred.