Telling friends you are bi.

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Hi, does anyone here have any experience of coming out, or of telling friends and acquaintances you are bi or gay. Any advice or insight would be appreciated, thanks in advance.

Yes. You need to accept that there is no smooth or easy way to do this. It is inherently a fairly awkward experience because you are revealing something rather intimate (but also not so really) about yourself. My family are very left wing and accepting so most of the discomfort came from my part, i.e my anxiety about sharing this with them and feeling embarrassed because I felt like I was revealing my sex life to them.
Bisexuality is a particularly difficult sexuality to reveal because a lot of people don't really think bisexuality exists. They think you can only be gay or straight. Whatever their opinions are, it's better to be prepared. I would recommend going on some bisexuality websites.

I mean i said there's no easy or smooth way to do it...but it's likely that some of your friends are 100% accepting anyway so that will be fine. I just mean that you should be brave and accept your anxiety as an inherent part of the process.

thanks for your reply, yes i feel like it would be mor straight forward to come out and say i am gay, but i dont think that would be strictly true. I feel like i need to understand myself more before i can tell people in some ways too.

I've never "come out". I might mention it if it is relevant to the conversation. If people ask, I tell. I figure if they are asking they are probably open to hearing any answer.

I suppose my "coming out" was when I revealed that the person I was dating was the same sex as me. That then made it pretty obvious! But I don't see a need to declare my sexuality to anyone as a big statement without context. I've never understood that. Have your straight friends declared to you that they are straight?

If you just let it be known through the natural course of things, then I imagine that would be a less stressful/anxiety-provoking way to go about it.

Hi, yes I think that's a good idea, I like the idea of not declaring unless it's relevant to the conversation.
Sometimes in a conversation people will assume a gender if they are referring to my dating or someone I might like, and I think maybe I should correct them, ten I think maybe I won't bother, it's not my job to fix people's assumptions about gender.

This is so true, it is a very awkward experience, especially if you are bisexual.

Coming out by correcting people in the moment is definitely less awkward, however I have found that in the moments where I have these opportunities most of the time I am either not prepared or it is a situation where I don't feel comfortable. For example, a few weeks ago I was attending a wedding of a friend/coworker with my boss, and she kept asking me if I thought some guy was hot. I really wanted to tell her "I'm only very rarely interested in guys, you'd have better luck hooking me up with a girl," but my boss's husband was also there, and I don't know him at all, so I didn't feel comfortable coming out at the moment

It would be easier if I was actually dating (the aspergers is getting in the way of that), so then when people ask me something like "what are you doing this weekend" I could just casually "oh, I've got a date with this girl . . ."

To the people I have come out to, I have mostly come out at bi, but to my dad, who is super conservative I came out as gay instead. I worry sometimes about the impression I'll give him on the off chance I do date a guy, but in reality I think that is a pretty small chance. I made the right decision too, because I'm pretty sure he has no idea what bisexual means, and when I came out to him there really was not any chance for rational discussion of the topic.

How has coming out as gay affected your relationship with your father if you don't mind me asking?

Well, he is determined to completely ignore me being gay and pretend it isn't true. Which means that for now everything is pretty normal because I don't have a girlfriend. When I do have a steady girlfriend that I want to introduce to my parents, I have no idea what will happen. My mom is very supportive of me, which means they will probably end up having a fight about it, which makes me sad.

My parents were quite old when they had me, and are quite old already, location and age seem like big things affecting peoples understanding and acceptance and resistance. Its good your mum is supportive, your dad may be more tolerant as a result of any friction between your parents, and tolerant in general is good, so perhaps more good will comes from any disputes they have then bad. I don't know i'm just rambling.
Perhaps sometimes it has to do in part with the kind of girlfriend you might have, like i have had a couple of boyfriends my parents have hated, and one they liked. If parents like their same sex son or daughters partner, that has to help sometimes, i guess that's just luck though, as its not really parents business whether or not they like my choice of boyfriend or girlfriend.