Does your gayness cover up your Aspieness?

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When I was a bit younger I considered this same question. Then I realized I could never pull off "typical" much less "stereotypical"; my AS prevented me from knowing the right signals to send at just the right moments. And once I got to know other LGBT people, I found myself just as much of a social misfit, despite being part of a somewhat exclusive club. In the end, I just went with being myself. NT's of both/all flavors then simply see any of my unusual traits as one more little unusual/interesting/quirky thing about me. The key was to be friendly, helpful, caring, etc. etc. as best I could, and above all honest. Oh, and to stay away from mean people.

Why wish when you can do?

I've shared my story freely about how I've managed to minimize my symptoms via diet, herbs, supplements, intestinal cleanses and mass amounts of probiotics. If you haven't read it and want to, feel free to pm me an email address and I'll send it over.

Interestingly enough, sensory issues can be tied to serotonin. I found out about this when I learned from an endocrinologist how hormone therapy interacts with the body. Basically, estrogen/or/testosterone (depending on your body & receptors) is in a three-way co-regulating loop with serotonin (& one other hormone). Serotonin is one of the mammal kingdom's most basic hormones; it regulates mood, appetite, thirst, sleep, *sensory perception*, and immune and autoimmune systems. And just like someone with insufficient sex hormones or receptors, getting or being treated for an infection *can* affect serotonin or regulation of the same (google: serotonin infection). Might be something to follow up on with an endo?

My aspie-ness overwhelms my gayness. Unless I make a conscious effort in conversation, I slip into a monotone and am too non-expressive for people to ever think I were gay. The stereotype of gayness is pretty much the opposite of a computer nerd with bad social skills.

I have Asperger's and I am gay. I really cannot and will not "fit in" with the "mainstream" gay community because it is all about partying 24/7. I try to live by the mindset that people don't deserve to know what is really "wrong" with me. People don't have a clue about Asperger's and Autism because they have never truly lived through it.

As I've aged, I've discovered that the *image* of the single, party all the time gay and lesbian crowd really only applies to an exceedingly narrow subset. Especially now that things like gay & lesbian bars are *gone* in many areas (typ. urban) because of a normalizing of sex & gender atypical people. The old, "underground" subculture is dying out...

Still, when I see the question, "Does your gayness cover up your Aspieness?"

...I want so badly to say in that old-school ACT UP! era literary voice, "No darling; it just makes it more *fabulous*!"

Short answer "Yes"
But only in the sense I do not think people look at me and say "That is a person with aspergers"
When I was younger, even before my Dx, I knew there was something different about me and that one way that I could hide was by dressing well (in a gay way I guess). People's stereotypes about aspies prevent them from seeing me as a ND.
Additionally, I've adopted certain aspects of "gay" communication and embodiment because they are easier for me to mimic than those expected by the norm. Gays use their bodies in very stereotyped ways that are easy for us aspies to emulate. On the other hand, gay culture tends to privilege a sort of NT "smoothness" that I have never been able to pull off. So gay men are usually the first to notice something "off" about me. Feminine straight women usually the last because they are more likely to just see "omg its a gay how cute i wanna go shopping w/ them" than "wow this dude is really f*****g weird."
However, NT codes regarding trustworthiness really f**k me up. Because people consider gays untrustworthy and sinister--though they can be redeemed by fulfilling social norms. Unfortunately, because of NV communication tells like poor eye contact and stims, I am seen as double-y sinister. But in many ways I feel protected by being a white-passing cismale. If I wasn't I think I would be more vulnerable to violence.

Nope, like others have said, it's the other way around for me. I wish it wasn't, because I want to be more identifiable as on the LGBT spectrum in order for other LGBT males to know about it, so when I go to a university next year, I'm thinking about wearing something that identifies my sexuality.

Western cultures do have very rigid gender roles, which I'm sure are big obstacle for the neuro-diverse.

Me too. Though in my case it's people tending to assume that I am haphephobic (or that the only physical contact I'm interested in is directly sexual). When in reality I love to touch and be touched. Even with someone I did fancy I'd tend to want a lot of cuddling and snuggling first.


Possibly a way for other people to understand 'wrongness'...


Many, if not the majority of, aspies have lots of difficulties with relationships (including getting into them at all). Sending out 'incorrect signals' (including partials) could explain this.


What is your own identity genderwise?

The assumption that people who do not conform to gender stereotypes must be homosexual appears to be fairly common. (Especially if they do conform to other gender stereotypes and have 'gender appropriate' interests.)