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Dating and Being LGBTQA?

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aspiebeauty87
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05 Jan 2016, 6:15 pm

I have a even harder time finding someone since like I am a genderqueer, bisexual autistic. I try to talk to lesbians but most of them are into other lesbians and straight guys I just have a hard time talking to because they want me to be overly social. Did I also mention I am a introvert? Anyways, I wish I could find another bisexual or lesbian women autistic that I have things in common with but most of the LGBTQA community is NTs and I find it hard to talk to NTs, period. So my question is, do you also find it hard to find someone to relate to also?



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05 Jan 2016, 9:25 pm

Yeah, I've had this problem. My gay friends aren't understanding of me being trans, my trans friends aren't understanding of my autism. However, I have had awesome times getting along with people who are gay, trans, and autistic. I've met a couple of people like that through tumblr and I'm hoping to meet more people here. I've only talked to these people as friends though, I have a difficult time with dating because its difficult to find people who I relate to and also it is difficult to overcome my trauma.


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06 Jan 2016, 2:12 am

I'm also genderqueer, bisexual and autistic. In my limited dating experience I've connected the best with bisexual women and bisexual nonbinary people, none of whom have been neurotypical but none who have been autistic. I've found that a lot of people on dating sites like okcupid aren't neurotypical and tend toward introversion so that could be a good avenue to try if you haven't yet.



EliteGirl
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18 Jan 2016, 7:53 am

aspiebeauty87 wrote:
I have a even harder time finding someone since like I am a genderqueer, bisexual autistic. I try to talk to lesbians but most of them are into other lesbians and straight guys I just have a hard time talking to because they want me to be overly social. Did I also mention I am a introvert? Anyways, I wish I could find another bisexual or lesbian women autistic that I have things in common with but most of the LGBTQA community is NTs and I find it hard to talk to NTs, period. So my question is, do you also find it hard to find someone to relate to also?


Yes, I find it hard to find someone to relate to. Someone like me who's got a ton of food allergies as well as high functioning autism (as well as a secret that might be a deal breaker in relationships, I refuse to tell it here)? Well, that doesn't appeal to a lot of guys, along with my being a plus sized girl. I too, am bisexual, and dating sucks. In my experience, I fell for the bad boy types mostly in the past, and I've been cheated on in the past. I can be introverted sometimes and sometimes I'm extroverted. Long story short, I'm afraid I won't find my special someone because of the secret that might be a deal breaker. :(



Jo_B1_Kenobi
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19 Jan 2016, 6:43 am

Yup - I find it hard to find someone to relate to. I live in a suburban setting with no LGBT facillities or groups at all. There are also no ASD groups near here either. I think coping with being LGBT makes life a little more difficult, but being LGBT and on the spectrum just makes my chances of finding someone who I can relate to approach zero. On top of that I'm a Christian which can upset some LGBT people because of the way some other Christians treat people who are gay and lesbian etc. I'm just glad I've got a pet dog - she's sweet and loving and doesn't care what I am so long as I love her and take her for walkies.

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aspiebeauty87
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21 Jun 2016, 5:23 pm

Aww... Cute dog... Thanks for sharing you guys :)



lidsmichelle
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21 Jun 2016, 8:08 pm

I'm pan/biromantic and a sex repulsed ace and... yikes. Lesbian women pass me up because I'm bi and ace and bi women pass me up because I'm ace. It can get frustrating because people either can't handle not being able to have sex, my lack of sexual attraction (which makes them feel like they aren't wanted which isn't true, they're assigning sexual attraction as the only real way to want someone), or both. And then being aspies and mentally ill on top of it is just... ugh.

Skeevy men like me. They love me. There's the ones who try to charm me until they find out I'm ace at which point they disappear and there's the truly disgusting ones who think they can "fix" me or think I'll change my mind. Frankly as much as rejection hurts at least the first group is more honest and less creepy.

I don't know many nb people, but I imagine the ace/sex repulsed part would probably be a problem there too.


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Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


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22 Jun 2016, 10:39 am

Mmm, it does seem like there are an awful lot of "deal breakers" being autistic and queer, without much to recommend us - or maybe that's just me :(


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22 Jun 2016, 12:50 pm

lidsmichelle wrote:
I'm pan/biromantic and a sex repulsed ace and... yikes. Lesbian women pass me up because I'm bi and ace and bi women pass me up because I'm ace. It can get frustrating because people either can't handle not being able to have sex, my lack of sexual attraction (which makes them feel like they aren't wanted which isn't true, they're assigning sexual attraction as the only real way to want someone), or both. And then being aspies and mentally ill on top of it is just... ugh.

Skeevy men like me. They love me. There's the ones who try to charm me until they find out I'm ace at which point they disappear and there's the truly disgusting ones who think they can "fix" me or think I'll change my mind. Frankly as much as rejection hurts at least the first group is more honest and less creepy.

I don't know many nb people, but I imagine the ace/sex repulsed part would probably be a problem there too.


I'm genderqueer, asexual andro-romantic so my line of interest tends to be more towards guys. I find that I tend to attract a lot of nerdy guys ... which isn't that big a deal except when they try to either insist or find the need to "remind me" that I'm a "female". Nerdy guys aren't too horrible but they can be pretty sexually repressed too, and these days the current one who's looking my way is a dude with a child. There are several reasons including the fact that he has a child that kills my interest. Though the bigger picture is that a dude like that has "needs" that I'm not willing to fulfill.

I don't look for guys, guys tend to look for me though long story short. Other times I tend to attract old guys that are old enough to by my dad o_o



lidsmichelle
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22 Jun 2016, 11:04 pm

green0star wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
I'm pan/biromantic and a sex repulsed ace and... yikes. Lesbian women pass me up because I'm bi and ace and bi women pass me up because I'm ace. It can get frustrating because people either can't handle not being able to have sex, my lack of sexual attraction (which makes them feel like they aren't wanted which isn't true, they're assigning sexual attraction as the only real way to want someone), or both. And then being aspies and mentally ill on top of it is just... ugh.

Skeevy men like me. They love me. There's the ones who try to charm me until they find out I'm ace at which point they disappear and there's the truly disgusting ones who think they can "fix" me or think I'll change my mind. Frankly as much as rejection hurts at least the first group is more honest and less creepy.

I don't know many nb people, but I imagine the ace/sex repulsed part would probably be a problem there too.


I'm genderqueer, asexual andro-romantic so my line of interest tends to be more towards guys. I find that I tend to attract a lot of nerdy guys ... which isn't that big a deal except when they try to either insist or find the need to "remind me" that I'm a "female". Nerdy guys aren't too horrible but they can be pretty sexually repressed too, and these days the current one who's looking my way is a dude with a child. There are several reasons including the fact that he has a child that kills my interest. Though the bigger picture is that a dude like that has "needs" that I'm not willing to fulfill.

I don't look for guys, guys tend to look for me though long story short. Other times I tend to attract old guys that are old enough to by my dad o_o

Oh yeah kids are a deal breaker for me too. It's not a "they aren't mine" thing it's a "I don't have the patience to be around kids and they deserve to be around people who do" thing.

I'm not entirely sure about my gender atm. I'm leaning towards agender, but also potentially a demi girl. If I am agender there's no reason to worry about lesbians being interested anyways, since they're interested in women. But this has been a problem since long before I knew people could be anything but cis and that I wasn't cis.

And same with guys! I rarely look for them, they just find me. I sometimes do meet nice dudes but I'm so self loathing that I feel like I can't be with someone who is genuinely nice because I don't feel like I deserve it lol. Creepy older men are a problem for me too. It's like yes, I can tell there's something off about you since you don't want to date women your own age. I'm 23. I don't want to date someone older than 30. Probably not even older than 28.


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Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


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26 Jun 2016, 2:02 pm

lidsmichelle wrote:
green0star wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
I'm pan/biromantic and a sex repulsed ace and... yikes. Lesbian women pass me up because I'm bi and ace and bi women pass me up because I'm ace. It can get frustrating because people either can't handle not being able to have sex, my lack of sexual attraction (which makes them feel like they aren't wanted which isn't true, they're assigning sexual attraction as the only real way to want someone), or both. And then being aspies and mentally ill on top of it is just... ugh.

Skeevy men like me. They love me. There's the ones who try to charm me until they find out I'm ace at which point they disappear and there's the truly disgusting ones who think they can "fix" me or think I'll change my mind. Frankly as much as rejection hurts at least the first group is more honest and less creepy.

I don't know many nb people, but I imagine the ace/sex repulsed part would probably be a problem there too.


I'm genderqueer, asexual andro-romantic so my line of interest tends to be more towards guys. I find that I tend to attract a lot of nerdy guys ... which isn't that big a deal except when they try to either insist or find the need to "remind me" that I'm a "female". Nerdy guys aren't too horrible but they can be pretty sexually repressed too, and these days the current one who's looking my way is a dude with a child. There are several reasons including the fact that he has a child that kills my interest. Though the bigger picture is that a dude like that has "needs" that I'm not willing to fulfill.

I don't look for guys, guys tend to look for me though long story short. Other times I tend to attract old guys that are old enough to by my dad o_o

Oh yeah kids are a deal breaker for me too. It's not a "they aren't mine" thing it's a "I don't have the patience to be around kids and they deserve to be around people who do" thing.

I'm not entirely sure about my gender atm. I'm leaning towards agender, but also potentially a demi girl. If I am agender there's no reason to worry about lesbians being interested anyways, since they're interested in women. But this has been a problem since long before I knew people could be anything but cis and that I wasn't cis.

And same with guys! I rarely look for them, they just find me. I sometimes do meet nice dudes but I'm so self loathing that I feel like I can't be with someone who is genuinely nice because I don't feel like I deserve it lol. Creepy older men are a problem for me too. It's like yes, I can tell there's something off about you since you don't want to date women your own age. I'm 23. I don't want to date someone older than 30. Probably not even older than 28.


I don't have the emotional capacity to play pseudo parent. Everyone knows when you date someone with children later down the line you become the pseudo parent. I actually look young for my age so I tend to attract also alot of younger dudes. I got this one now who likes me and he looks like my 15 year old nephew, legit has the same face almost.



vegam
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27 Jun 2016, 2:55 pm

The social anxiety that I have (related partially to being on the spectrum, but also just because I'm an anxious person) certainly makes dating difficult. It's pretty rare that I relate to another person in any sort of significant way -- that, and I wasn't really around any other LGBTQ folks until college, thus limiting any potential dating "pool" pretty significantly.

The few friends I have that are both autistic and LGBTQ are pretty important to me for that reason. They're out there, hard as it may be to find them...


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