my 7 year old aspie son says he wants to be a girl
Cubey, how old were you when you knew if you were a boy or a girl? As with most other children, trans kids typically know their gender from 3-5 years old as that is when the sense of Self normally develops & it includes gender. Only difference is, their gender doesn't match what was expected. *If* the OP's child consistently asserts over time that they are the gender opposite the one assigned at birth by the birth doctor, not supporting them causes harm. Supporting them on the other hand, causes none.
Me, I'd rather have a happy trans kid than a dead one I'd forced to be cisgender.
_________________
“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
―Carl Sagan
There is a conference in Seattle every summer which is a fantastic resource:
http://www.genderodysseyfamily.org/
'Support for Families Raising Gender-Nonconforming and Transgender Children'
I agree with all of the people who suggested that you be supportive of your child by using the mane and pronouns she is requesting. However, at 7 she's going to school. I don't know where you live, but your child may be subject to bullying by kids or even adults at school is she's not acting and dressing the way they think a boy should.
There has been a lot of improvement in safety and acceptance in the last few years, but it is still a concern.
I would sit down and discus things. There's no harm in letting a child wear dresses in the safety of home, it'll be much nicer if your child could see that you're willing to listen and let them wear/do things that will make them happy. Where I'm from if you're trans at a young age you'll have the choice of hormone blockers to give the child plenty of time to figure things out. It's great that you're noticing and keeping an open mind, a lot of parents wouldn't. At this stage I'd just let them know that they're allowed to express themselves so they feel supported, if they are trans I guess it would be easy to feel as if you're a 'freak' if people's reactions are that of disgust. That gives another reason to beware of bullying, kids can be pretty cruel to each other.
At 7 this could mean nothing at all. Let him do what he wants, no need to get in the way of a kid's personal expression, no one's getting hurt.
When he starts going through puberty, if he continues to have issues with gender dysphoria into puberty then you should probably see a gender specialist, it's possible medical intervention will be necessary.
But that's only if he experiences gender dysphoria during puberty. If that happens and if a gender specialist recommends medical intervention, it would just be delaying puberty at first until he is 16-18 and then a decision will be made whether to continue with a female puberty or just stop blocking puberty.
This might seem worrying, but if he does have gender dysphoria, that's not really something that will just disappear and can make him very uncomfortable for the rest of his life without medical intervention.
But any such decisions will need to be made with the relevant medical specialists. And even considering that will only be a thing if he experiences gender dysphoria during puberty.
At the moment he might not be trans at all. He may just like girly things. No need to think any more of it at the moment.
I'm a female to male transgender Aspie, 20 years old and taking T for about 9 months. Please just go with it. He may grow out of it or he may not. For now though rejecting his identity will only harm him. My parents drove me to meltdowns for years over it before they caved in. Just a good warning though, find him a gender specialist, they can be hard to find, but they're more qualified to help him than the general therapist who likely won't know how to help him with his transition if he sticks with it. I say look ahead of time because you want to get him to one as he closes in to puberty age or if he starts to threaten genital mutilation.
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