Can someone explain the many gender thing to me?

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I'm a straight male.
I struggle to understand how people feel like they are different genders, or things like 'genderfluid' people.
It doesn't make much sense to me. In my mind, if you have a penis you are a male and a vagina your a female. Both and your a hermaphrodite. To me, this does not affect anything about personality, or what rights you should have or anything like that. Saying you are a woman even though you have a penis is like saying you are a tree even though you have a human body to me. It just doesn't make sense.
Sorry if I offended anyone with this, it was not my intention. I just want to understand it.

people feel like they don't fit into those categories, for reasons unique to them and that can only be fully understood by them.


understandably, they seek another one to fit under.

I agree with Kiprobalhato. People have all kinds of different experiences and reasons for not matching their sex assigned at birth

As for the reason it happens, is because biological sex characteristics are not the same thing as gender. The past way to think about things is penis=male, there are many of us who do not feel like our genitalia are the only factor in what makes us men, women, inbetween or neither.

I am non-binary, or sometimes I call myself genderqueer. I just today learned about the term gendervague which I especially like, but I want to learn more before I start using it to describe myself.

For me personally, gender works much the same as how I know that I am not NT. I was born into a world that assigns a certain definition to what I am at birth and it's a world built around the neurotypical mind. I do not feel my identity matches with that assignment, and I do not think like a neurotypical person. I know that both are different about me for a fact. So I define myself as genderqueer and an aspie to explain that experience to others so that they may know me better and understand my perspective better.

I hope this helps at least a little I think you asked the question very respectfully

Gender is so much more than just plumbing. As a cisgender male, I don't have to fully understand anyone to offer them my compassion, respect, and courtesy.
Most people are pretty incomprehensible anyway.

Alright, but why does gender affect your identity? I, personally, just don't understand it.
Another analogy is its like saying people are different races based on the size of their nose, or eye or hair colour.
It really doesn't make sense. Can you try to explain it a bit more? Or is it just the sort of thing you can't really explain?

I'll try, but it might be a little difficult. This is the kind of thing that I try to express but people get confused when I use some of my analogies so if it just makes less sense know that it's probably my misuse of the explanation and not really that the experience is any less valid.

To use the analogy above... for me... it's kind of like how having different physical features (such as the size of your nose, eye and hair color, skin color, etc) can make one appear to be from a different race.

In this case, it's not as superficial as appearing to be a different race. Instead it's having the mental and personality features that make my view of the world, the way that I react to stimuli, the interests that I have, my presentation of aspie traits, the way I see myself, and the way that my entire experience is colored differently. When I try to compare my own experiences of life with those of men and women, more of my experiences align with the feminine experience.

When I (me only, still not talking for others) try to understand why I am the way I am in comparison with the world in masculine terms the world is more confusing. When I try to understand why I am the way in comparison with the world in feminine terms the world is a little less confusing. This is especially tied to my journey of neurodivergence, since I have a tougher time relating to the cis-male asperger experience than I do the female (cis or otherwise) asperger experience.

I should put a disclaimer here... I am sort of a noob when it comes to my NB identity. I have been exploring gender and my own transgender experience for about 16 years but only the past year or so have I been exploring the idea that maybe I am a little closer to the middle than just the feminine experience. So hopefully if there is someone else with more wisdom they can give better examples.

Ok I sort of get it now. Still don't really understand it.

I have another explanation:
Basically, if we class people into gender categories based on their genitals, there would be a few problems:
1. People typically don't look at each others' genitals, so it would be a bit strange to class people based on something we can't even observe
2. There's a lot more to how gender is viewed in society than would make sense based on genitals. Eg: if I'm talking about a boy, I'd use the words "he", "him", etc, meaning that essentially every time I talk about him, I'm referencing his gender. It doesn't make sense for a part of someone's body to define them that much, but it makes a bit more sense for their identity to define them.
3. If someone acts like a boy, looks like a boy (eg: short hair, attempts to get rid of breasts, wears masculine clothing) and wants to use "he/him" pronouns, surely they're very much like a boy and there's no point calling them a girl.
4. If your genitals didn't match what you felt that they should, you might be rightfully annoyed. Trans people feel annoyed when their genitals don't match what they feel.

All of this is a bit of a simplification.
Personally, I believe that trans people are the gender they identify as, but if you don't believe that, that's fine. However, just make sure you respect them anyway - if referring to trans people by their preferred name and pronouns makes them happy, then just roll with it (in the same way that listening to people trying to spread the word of God makes some Christians happy, so I listen anyway even though I'm an atheist).

I don't really understand it either and I am nonsexual and do not seem to have a "gender".

Just responding to this, not many-genders thing.

I say I'm a man, and I have no penis. I also have no breasts, a deep voice, hairy chest, male pattern baldness, male normal sex hormone levels...

There's only two genders.

Which two do you acknowledge? I have a big bunch of them that you can choose to pick your two favorite from if you wish... :p

I'd rather not assume... I mean... who knows... you might mean that there's only genderfluid and agender... Everyone who pretends to be male is just hiding the times when their genderfluidity sways feminine

(note, just for those who are bad with understanding subtext like me, this is meant as sardonic humor)

I've always been confused about this as well. I've come across the term "agender", which I think suits me well as I find gender is a layer of reality everyone else seems to participate in and I just interpret it from an anthropological standpoint. I can understand it on a polarized level, such as where a female sexed person will mentally be all male--there are essays and forum posts of such people waking up in the morning and being confused why they don't have a penis. Beyond that it's almost too abstract for me. Where do you draw the line between traits for gender identity and personality? Do some people think that because their interests don't align with their sex's stereotype, their gender isn't the same as their sex? Of course, this gets more complicated if your sex isn't 100% cis. Considering how flawed nature is, on a biochemical level there probably isn't 100% male or female and most of people gravitate to one side (like a bell curve on each end) enough to "pass" as that sex and gender in society.

I could very well be overthinking this. This topic is definitely something I wish I could understand. In some ways I do (like body dysphoria related to my female parts and generally not relating typical men or women when it comes to stereotypical masculine and feminine traits in my culture), but barely.

I think one of the difficult things for people is assuming that a line has to be drawn at all. When it comes to expressiveness and ways that we describe ourselves there isn't really any logical need to limit our options for descriptors. For example if a very smart person wants to describe themselves as a "mad scientist" because they feel it helps them tell others who they are, then why should anyone draw a line that doesn't allow them to do this? I think because it's gender, and we live in a heteronormative/cisnormative society where there is this huge fear that the moment we start blurring these lines that straight men might accidentally become confused and fall in live with a person that doesn't match their cisfemale preference that people feel there is some need to protect society from the evil damage that would be done if that happened...

Perhaps instead of protecting these fragile little flowers that are straight cismales from the scary thought of accidentally being attracted to someone that doesn't match their ideal gender identity we can get better at assuming that potential romantic/sexual partners would have a dialog and get to know one another before taking serious action to pursue courtship... but that might just be too extreme of an idea and I'd probably get called a SJW for thinking that sort of thing :p

Male & Female. I don't acknowledge any other gender. You are what you exited the womb as.

The good news is, I don't need your acknowledgement for my experience to be valid. Also, none of us are what we exited the womb as... After we're born we grow, we learn, some of us socialize, and as our life continues we change significantly.

Of course that isn't your point, I won't simply reduce your argument like that and not address what seems to be your intended meaning

As I understand it your personal worldview (which not everyone shares with you) is that there are specific characteristics known as "gender" that are imprinted permanently on one at birth and those characteristics never change. Even if this was true and there is never any shifting in those characteristics one could argue that many people are born with the characteristics that you insist we don't have in the first place.

If you haven't felt the pain of gender dysphoria then you'd need to actively attempt to understand a different the point of view that one might have in order to conceptualize what it is like to have that experience. Since we're on an aspie site and difficulties in this area are something that many of us share I do not judge you for not being able to understand why the worldview that you have is insufficient to explain the diversity of experiences that humans have. You're still worthy of happiness and while I disagree with your point of view I hope at least that you find pleasure in sharing your point of view in contrast to those of us that disagree.

Much of gender like autism is neurological, starts at birth, and is inveterate