Concept wrote:
kittylover wrote:
My friends pay lip service to me being female, but I don't think they truly see it. They know that I'm severely depressed, but I think they mentally see me as male from their interaction with me.
I feel completely unloved.
That sucks. : ( Have you tried reaching to trans support groups in and around where you live?
To be honest, I get the sense that some of my friends and acquaintances do the same thing. For cis-people it's so often they'll only accept your identity if you sound or look right. It can be draining.
It's not their fault - it's biological, not even a cultural issue. A crucial survival skill is recognizing the sex of members of your species, so every sexually-reproducing creature of distinct sexes has evolved hardwired instincts to identify sexes. Humans are no exception to this; part of our brain automatically determines the gender of who we're talking to.
Even with tolerant people, they cannot avoid reacting differently to a transwoman who doesn't pass, because their sex recognition instinct is identifying the transwoman as male. I can tell that I will never be recognized as female by these instincts in others, and can definitely see it in my friends. They react differently to me than to cis women, and it hurts me inside so much.
I've been to support groups but they don't pass, either. They try to help people accept their situation, but that just isn't going to work for me. I don't have the mental strength to do that. Also, if I could accept my fate of never passing, I could probably also accept living as male, too.
Maybe I just think differently than other transwomen; I'm not sure.