How Old Is Too Old to Still Be Questioning?

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I'm sure the answer is going to be "you're allowed to discover yourself at any age", etc, but seriously I'm almost 34 and I'm still struggling with my sexuality. It may be a lack of experience issue but how typical is it for people in their 30s and above to still be confused about their orientation? I have OCD and this has been one of my obsessions for a long time, constantly analyzing myself and my own reactions, etc, Pride Month is bringing it back. I would say I have HOCD since I identify with the symptoms but that seems to apply to people who are straight and worried they are gay, which doesn't really apply to me. I'm clearly somewhere on the Kinsey scale and anywhere is fine really but I'm not sure where I am and what I should do about it.

If you're still alive, you're not too old to still question.

Some people just don't have something that might be clear cut. In the grand scheme of things I don't think it is a problem if people know some of what they like, and so questioning is something people can do for a life time.

My biggest fear about this, because I still have not had anything close to a relationship, is I'll confirm a stereotype about bisexuals that I "don't know what I want" and anyone I do enter into a relationship with will be burned by a later epiphany of "oh what am I thinking I need to be with this or that gender". I feel like I'm past the experimental phase. I absolutely don't blame anyone who doesn't want to date someone who isn't sure of themselves at this age.

This applies to more than just gender of course, most people learn what they want/need from a relationship based on past relationships.

Who do you have crushes on?

Who do you want to hug and kiss?

Who do you want to share your bed, and intimate moments?

Mostly women, especially when I was younger. As I've gotten older I've had crushes on men but it's hard to tell if it's just a mix of lust and admiration, if that makes any sense (I love the idea of him, etc). I've also gotten more desperate and lonely over time and I wonder how much that's played into my fluidity (opportunistic homosexuality?)



This is so random, it entirely depends on the person.



Used to be only women, as I've gotten older I imagine these scenarios mostly with men.

Part of my problem is my experiences with physical intimacy have almost entirely been with men (it's a million times easier to get a date or hook up with men online, I don't approach people in public) and those experiences have varied wildly from disgust to being head over heels. I've really only cuddled with one woman and I would say it was nice, but I was also really nervous. For some reason I'm much more nervous with women than men.

It really sounds like you're mostly hetero. I sense, ultimately, that you would rather be intimate with a woman than with a man.

But most people would probably call you "bi," since you have had pleasurable experiences with men.

And that's okay.

If you dig someone, of whatever sex or gender, go for that person.

Too much stigma, prejudice and discrimination in some locations

Caitlin Jenner 65 came out

You can come out when you are ready

@usagibryan
If it helps ya to know, sexuality isn't all that decisive a thing for many people.

I was purely straight till about 20, and the mild homophobia that permeated my community, back then, that rubbed off on me worked against me for quite awhile even after I'd decidedly identified as bisexual. It was years before I could take the full experience without some form of a mental block. And that wasn't the end of it.

For much of my 20's, my sexuality kept flip-flopping back and forth sometimes even on an hourly timescale. And it wasn't just left and right across the Kinsey scale. Sometimes I'd be into both men and women, sometimes neither, sometimes different expressions of my partner's gender, my own gender, sometimes more than one partner and all those possible variations, sometimes just one, sometimes none.

It's played a strong role in why I've been single for most of my life despite my decent ability to find a partner if I set out to do so.

I've known a few others whose sexuality is still up in the air in their 30's. You aren't alone. Honestly, if you go into this VR social platform called VRChat where people can easily meet people with 'bodies' and personalities that meet their narrow, often unrealized requirements that bend their sexuality, you'll meet plenty of people with changing sexualities.

Dead.

My answer to when is it too late/too old to learn and discover anything, whether it pertains to the universe or one's inner self, is that as long as you're still alive you are always learning new things.

At whatever age you are when you finally have all the answers.

Too much stigma and discrimination and misconceptions

Caitlin Jenner 65

When I was 22 I came out as trans

San Diego 2004 homophobic

Some homophobic precious lil "people" had the nerve to interrogate me about why I didn't tell them I wanted to be a boy , when I was five years old

But they were not there

They don't know how I felt

They don't know what I said

But it didn't matter what I said or felt because no boys bathroom

Precious lil "people" had the nerve to tell me "you make people uncomfortable with the way you dress!"

"People" sounds like seven billion, but literally means two or more

That was before equal employment opportunity commission 2012


A civil engineer that I had a crush on had the nerve to tell me that it was "lying" for me to ask him to call me "he" instead of "she"


That is not discrimination, because he was not my boss

The fact that I tried and failed undergrad structural engineering, has nothing to do with it


Also laws are not retroactive

2012 law wasn't out in 2006, so he did nothing wrong



There is no law against being homophobic



Precious lil "people" have a legal and moral right to be homophobic

There's no reason to put, like, an age limit on questioning your gender or sexuality. You just have to be comfortable and ready for it.

And from what I glimpsed, there is perhaps too much of a stigma against questioning anyway!

Have you tried https://www.autisticempire.com/klein/ ?

I'm not in my own fantasies. So I guess I'm dissociated. Add a D to LGBTQ.

I've tried Kinsey but I can't answer because none of it really applies.

I've only had successful sex with one person-my late wife. I was 27 the 1st time I had full sex. I was very erratic with rather long lay offs. I was very anxious re it going flaccid.

That was due to a bad experience a couple of years before I met my wife. It was my 1st time. There was about 4-5minutes foreplay, and then she swung dramatically round and took a condom out of bedside cabinet full of condoms! I'd never even tried putting on a condom before. It quickly drooped. She huffed and then turned her back on me.

A chance encounter about 15 years later with an ex patient revealed that she tried to vamp male nurses, male patients, males visiting relatives. Anyone with the right equipment.

In 1990 my wife had a stroke. She was then unable to enjoy sex. I've not had sex since then. She suggested I find someone else. I couldn't do that.