What's the gay community really like?

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Don't talk s**t about Queer as Folk. Queer as Folk is f*****g brilliant.

I never claimed that this applies to everyone but me. In fact, I believe that I specifically stated that I'm sure that is not the case.


Once again, I never said that this was monolithic or binary. Of course there would be a spectrum of people like this. I know that there are plenty of gay people who have monogamous relationships (my uncle is one of them, at least as far as I know). I just have (well, had) no idea what portion. According to Wikipedia it is 75% of gay men in California are monogamous.

I will admit that I am disapproving of the partying, promiscuous lifestyle. I am disapproving regardless of whether the person doing it is straight or gay. I admit that it is not necessarily logical, but it comes from an extreme personal dislike of partying (I can't take the noise) and the fact that despite my mom being an agnostic and generally a liberal, I had a very conservative upbringing with respect to drugs and sex. However, I do think that promiscuity is ill advised because of the risk of diseases.


I have nothing against someone who is flamboyant or anything like that. They're probably not someone that I'd click with on a personal level, as I tend to be very serious, but if that is what their personality is like than it is not my right to tell them that they shouldn't act that way. If someone likes to party then I guess I can't really disapprove of that either, although I do feel that my concern was justified in wondering what portion of gay men are like that. However, I do disapprove of drug use, alcoholism, and promiscuity. If that makes me judgmental then so be it.

I didn't find the characters particularly relateable and it seemed that there was little plot--just sex. Also I looked up what happened to one of the characters and found the ending rather sad.

Astrogeek your OP was perfectly respectful. I get a little tired of the policing that comes about at every possible opportunity for every issue known to man these days.

I notice it with this new generation myself, even 10 years ago we (of course) cared about discrimination but didn't play this raging victim card constantly. I see you're 19, I applaud you for sounding off.

You are part of the gay community, so this fact alone means that of course you know that all gay people aren't like what you described. Many of us have had enough trouble trying to be something we're not in the hetero world and have now chosen to be our true selves in a VERY tiny group of people (of which we have the seemingly enormous responsibility of finding the perfect partner among).

You're not doing anything harmful by voicing things that are true and you have every right to do so. You're working from the inside out and I imagine you just want to find more gay people like yourself. Nobody needs to come down on you like you're the Reverend Jerry Falwell.

I saw about half of the first series. It didn't appeal. The characters were unlikeable, vacuous a***holes and the portrayal of gay life was highly negative. In the first episode we have one of the principles having sex with a minor. A few episodes in one of their friends dies from a bad batch of drugs (cocaine, I think, but it was a while ago). Stuart is an amoral narcissistic git, Vince might be a nice guy if he wasn't so wet and one-dimensional and Nathan was plain annoying. How exactly this is supposed to do the gay community any favours is beyond me.

I'd say this is, unfortunately, a fairly accurate portrayal of one aspect of the gay scene. It's not the only aspect and definitely not one I'd ever want to be a part of.

I stand by what I said . . . I don't like when people are really unnecessarily judgmental of things and don't notice/ can't justify it, so I thought it was worth pointing out. I don't think this makes you a bad person, but I think you could benefit alot from learning about the people you're writing-off and reconsidering your attitude towards them. The royal You, for everyone who's judgin'. Also don't disregard me for supposedly being a 'victim'! I wonder what that says about your attitude towards other things.


Umm, through meeting people at university I've found that gay people turn out to be remarkably normal/cool. But even more so when you're willing to overlook some 'flaws' and consider them as people or even potential friends regardless. Because when you learn about people beyond your first reaction, you slowly learn about all the stuff that makes them interesting.

But assuming you can't overlook sex/drugs/partying, I'll give you the survey of the gay guys I know as I perceive them. (I'm an LGBT Drop-in Centre volunteer, so I've met alot of gay people around my/your age (18-26)):

- gay people appear to be very intelligent and studious, though they procrastinate. (could be influenced by the University sample set)
- ~60% of gay people are very interested in Pokemon
- the gay people I know tend to aspire to long-term relationships, though they will embark on the dating process in search of long-term relationships
- 40% of the guys embrace flamboyant mannerisms
- 30% seem to be relatively introverted and have strong interests in areas they don't often get to bring up
- 70% of them enjoy board games
- 40% seem to be involved of art is some manner, e.g. dance, drama, writing, drawing, music
- 20% are fairly athletic, and work out or play sports
- 20% dress rather 'straightly', 30% to call attention to their gayness subtly or blatantly, while most people dress differently according to their mood or indifferently to how they will be perceived
- 60% seem fairly 'cool', on conventional terms, like, in their element, with non-Drop-in Centre friends
- 30% are not very 'cool', on conventional terms, at all, (though I find most people cool when I get to know them)
- 60% smoke . . . a bad habit, but whatevs.
- 80% express difficulty getting along with gay people very well, though I think lots of them do and they're just complaining
- 50% are out beyond school, others aren't
- 30% read many books (influenced by busyness/intelligence of sample set)
- 40% are very academically minded and excel academically
- 70% dislike Queer as Folk for whatever reason, 85% would not watch it
- 20% of the gay people I know would qualify as hipsters, 40% are confused as to whether they fit the description and pretend it would bother them if they were but probably wouldn't

alright . . . clubbing, partying, alcohol, drugs:
- most people involved in LGBT issues have gotten over judging people for being sexual or using drugs, and feeling better than them
- 75% don't really go clubbing or partying, many because they are too busy with school or have a network of friends and don't need to meet strangers
- 50% strongly dislike dancing/partying
- 70% only go to bars when accompanied by friends, 50% don't do this often
- 30% are into pot and use it fairly infrequently, but not to the extent that it interferes with their studies, 10% use it fairly frequently, 80% of pot smokers are also into cool stuff like music or guerilla knitting, 20% are just very interested in pot, though 1%(the person I don't know about yet) of these people is a bad person who deserves to be judged
- 70% of these pot smokers have part time jobs at Starbucks or other downtown coffeeshops
- 50% of these pot smokers fit within the 'very academically minded' category, but use pot to de-stress

sex:
- 80% keep their sexual activity very private
- 40% will admit to experimenting in the different casual sex domains, but most aren't very into them
- we will turn on Grindr and discuss the massive quantity of gay people within a 500m radius, though this is a novelty to most of us
- 95% will admit to familiarity with porn and discuss findings
- 90% will point and laugh at strange looking fetish gear, though being quick to mention they do not judge

Alright, these were all guesses, but I mean to give a firsthand account from the oldest gay organization at Canada's gayest university. I used to be fairly suspicious and judgmental of gay people generally, then got to know a slew of awesome ones on the Internet and in RL, and my perception gradually changed.

Umm, some potential advice is to take something in the humanities at a large school perhaps.

BTW: bi-weekly a large stack of a fluffy, terrible gay scene mag named Fab is deposited in the Drop-in Centre while we're not looking and they run away so we don't have a chance to give them back, and in our boredom we sift through this irritating and pointless excuse for a magazine and laugh at the articles and photos within it, though the discussion also delves into serious commentary on exactly what we find wrong with it. It's difficult to pass judgement on the magazine holistically. And some of the cover guys are more attractive than others, despite most being air-brushed and in cheeseball poses.

Anyways, I just mean to say that I totes know what you're getting at so far as a disconnect from the gay scene. I wonder how anyone can get into it on occasion, but then I resolve that it's just a thing for gay people who like mainstream music and dancing, just like fetish gear is for people with quirky fetishes.

What the op was talking about is the very popular and all too accurate portrayal of gay men in the media and how accepting many gay men are of that, and go along wiht it.

Of course he knows that not all gay people are that way but to act like it's uncommon is ridiculous. I don't even live in a big "dangerous" city and some of my best, very INNOCENT gay guy friends from years ago have gotten sucked into that but have made their way out.

Also, judgmental and suspicious? lolwat? How could you be, and how you could "find out" that gay people are normal?

Most of us who are talking about what we don't like about the gay community are perfectly aware that gay people are normal because we know that they aren't inherently different from us(and also we're gay too LOL)

I had a distorted impression of what 'gay life' would be like, based on the handful of gay people I knew of, and stuff I had absorbed from TV shows, porn etc. So I assumed I would end up being a misfit amongst most gay people. I'm not a very sexual/into drugs/shallow person either.

I suppose the druggey, party lifestyle does exist, if all the gay bars/ dance clubs/ bathhouses in Toronto are any evidence. But you really don't have to get involved in those areas unless you want to.


The OP was wondering how standard the Queer as Folk lifestyle is amongst gay people, and how weird he is by contrast. So I reassured him that gay people interested in other stuff aren't hard to come by at all.

Then he said:


Which suggested that he's looking for gay people who don't do drugs, aren't promiscuous, don't go clubbing etc. (I read some of this in from when he was talking about Queer as Folk).

I'm suggesting that his first problem lies in his writing people off too quickly rather than in the kind of gay people he's seeking not being common. And that was his first problem, wondering how abnormal he was for being into different stuff.

But, even with those people removed, gay people who aren't into those things are fairly common as well. He won't meet them while out clubbing.

When you look for friends and/or a romantic partner you normally look for people with similar interests and, in the case of a partner at least, values. As I have no interest in clubbing, I think it is perfectly reasonable to not put high hopes on those who go out to gay bars as potential companions. The same goes for my values.

Who says it's supposed to do anything of the sort?

Gay men are extremely catty and very sexual beings. I'll say why from a psychological standpoint.

Women keep a fierce and close-knit kinship between the two. However, with two men, they will be more interested in sex than commitment generally. This leads to a rampant amount of STDs in the homosexual community.

There is also the vain-ness and very fashion-driven nature of gay men. There are variations, but you're asking for the community, and often community takes hold over individualism.

Black men are drug addicts and criminals. Whenever I see newspaper or TV reports about drugs or violent crimes, it's usually a black guy.
If you can explain why the above is racist and wrong, you'll understand why your comment is homophobic arse-gravy.

MEN are extremely sexual beings. It has nothing to do with being gay. I'm bi myself (virtually split down the middle in terms of physical attraction, though it certainly fluctuates), but I've been with quite a few more men than I have with women, which I attribute to the fact that, whether it be through nature or nurture, men are more overtly sexual. Women generally tend to view sex and love as necessarily related, whereas men generally tend to view sex as a basic biological compulsion. With women, one has to play games in order to get the prize. With men, one simply has to me attractive enough to them.

Not saying it's right, not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying...

Men are more visually stimulated than us women so the greater emphasis on physical appearance seems inevitable. There's some superficiality but I think that's because gay and bi men go through the same pressures with body image that women do. As for bars and clubs they are pretty much sensory overload circuses to me.

Just because somebody is homosexual or bisexual in their orientation doesn't mean that their sexuality is the most important thing in their life. Especially genital sexuality. Indeed, some do seem confused on this issue. There's more to being a human being than sex, and there's more to being sexual than sticking your genitals in something.

The truth is, we live in an increasingly hypersexual culture. However, this is not necessarily a healthy sexuality: alot of it is insecure and fear-driven. Just screwing alot of people doesn't mean you are mentally healthy or open-minded.